


All My Loving

by AverageEpaulet



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anger Management, Car Accidents, Dates, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Job, Hospitalization, Masturbation, Mild Angst, Mutual Pining, POV Multiple, Parent Ben Solo, Professor Ben Solo, Single Dad Ben Solo, Slow Burn, Soft Ben Solo, Teacher Rey (Star Wars), Vaginal Sex, background finnpoe - Freeform, will tag as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 47,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27012028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageEpaulet/pseuds/AverageEpaulet
Summary: ”Miss.””Sorry?””Miss Johnson.” Rey corrected, then instantly regretted saying anything. Way to look eager, she cursed at herself.Ben Solo nodded his head slowly, almost as if letting the information sink in. Then he opened the umbrella and handed it to Annie to hold.”I'll bring it back tomorrow. Have a nice day, Miss Johnson.” he seemed to almost pressure her title, as he turned and left.-----It's Annie Solo's first day of school - and her father is late to pick her up.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 216
Kudos: 458





	1. The Running Man

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> So I decided to star a longer fic again, though I believe this one will be a bit slower to update cuz I have school work piling up. Either way, I've been wanting to write something like this, so here goes. 
> 
> Also a heads up, I know nothing about the American school system, so just roll with it xP

First day of school.  
The hallways filled up with parents and little children with comically large backpacks strapped on.

Rey Johnson watched her classroom start to fill with both new students and adults alike. The parents and guardians were asked to stay for the first 30 minutes, just to get the introductions out of the way and hand out a few important papers concerning school policies, how pick-ups worked, contact information and things of that nature.

He allowed her eyes rake the room, trying to start memorizing faces. Some parents she knew to have older kids in the school, ones she'd taught when they were still in her grade, but mostly completely new faces.

Her focus stuck to a girl in the back row. She had large brown eyes that looked around the class in wonder. Despite her fairly pale complexion, her hair was pitch black. It was tied on uneven pigtails with two purple bows stuck on them.

On her side was a grey haired woman with deep lines on her face. She couldn't have been her mother, that was for sure. She stuck out of the crowd, being the only one around sixty, maybe even closer to seventy years old.

Not that there was anything wrong with that – grandparents handled pick-up all the time, but it was sort of surprising to see her there on the first day instead of a parent or a guardian. Though, it was possible that she was indeed the little girls guardian, but Rey felt like it was unlikely.

She moved her focus from them and went on as planned. She straightened her floral dress and cardigan before standing up from behind her table. Pink toenails peeked from the tips of her open-toed shoes as she stepped in front of everyone and began.

***

Two o'clock came as fast it always did on the first day of school. Preschoolers had been picked up at one, and Rey had taught one more first grade lesson before her day was done. Now it was fifteen past 2pm, and she stepped out to a heavy downpour.

She knew she'd chanced it with her choice of clothes this morning, but to her defense, the forecast had said sunny. _Bullshit_.

She stood on the roofed patio in front of the main entrance to the school and dug out a pink umbrella from her age-old messenger bag that had been patched up from all four corners.

It was then when she in the corner of her eye, she saw someone sitting to her right.

Rey turned. It was the little girl from her class – the one with the black pigtails. Rey forced a name out of her memory. Ann? No, Annie. It was definitely Annie.  
That was confirmed by a small sticker on the front of her backpack she had next to her. It had Annie S scribbled on it in capital letters.

She sat on the pavement, luckily not in the rain, kicking her feet and watching the rain. Her little fists were clenched in her lap, fiddling idly with her own fingers. She looked almost strangely content with just sitting there, clearly waiting.

”Annie?” Rey walked closer and squatted down to the little girl's level, pressing her dress behind her knees.

”Hi Miss Rey!” she said with a bright smile forming on her face.

”Annie, what are you still doing here?”

”Waiting for daddy.”

Rey's brows drew to a concerned frown. She was supposed to be picked up an hour ago. Rey reverted to glance over her shoulder at the gate. There was no one waiting there. Rey didn't want to get judgmental right away, but it didn't exactly set the best image that she hadn't been picked up on time, not even on the first day. That was usually the day even the parents who'd half-ass it for the rest of the year tried to be on time.

”I'll wait with you a few minutes. If he doesn't show up, we should go inside and call him.” she said and stood back up. ”Is there anyone else who could come get you? Is your mom at work?”

The little girl looked to her with Bambi-like eyes, that now that she looked deeper into were the color of dark whiskey. Annie blinked at her, almost like she was confused.  
”I don't have a mommy.”

”Oh-” Rey lifted her brows a bit. ”Two daddies?”

Even more confusion grew on Annie's face, and Rey knew she'd gotten her guess wrong.

”Just daddy.” Annie nibbled on her lower lip brows drawing to a pondering expression.  
”Is two dads allowed?” she blinked her thick lashes at Rey.

Rey definitely regretted asking anything. Single parents weren't uncommon, she didn't know why she had poked her nose in that particular subject.

”Yes. It's allowed. Maybe your dad would be better at explaining this to you.” She nodded and smiled, trying to avoid having to go further into the subject. It wasn't really her place to start explaining.

Thankfully for Rey, Annie didn't ask questions, just nodded brightly.

The little girl got up from the pavement and began to jump around on one foot with hands spread to the side for balance. Her black pigtails bouncing in the air with each hop.

”Should we go call?” Rey couldn't help but feel antsy.

”Daddy will come.” Annie said surely, her faith in her father not slipping. Rey sort of admired that. Sort of.  
She didn't feel guilty for being a bit cautious. She'd seen cases where kids refused to call home no matter what, and the reason was that they got smacked around for ratting out.  
Rey knew she had to stop her imagination from running wild – Annie didn't look like the sort of kid who got abused, though they never did.

Rey shifted her focus to the gate. Cars and pedestrians, a few cyclists went by, no one even glancing in the direction of the school. She walked to the school door, fully ready to look up a number from Annie's file and make that call.

”Annie, what's your last name?” she asked, but didn't have time to get an answer. Her eyes darted to the gate, when a car's breaks screeched and there was vicious honking. Rey saw a guy nearly get run over. Nearly.

His hands plastered on the hood of the car that had hit the breaks, and without missing another second, he kept on running.  
Coming from the side, he ran past the gate at full speed, came to a sliding halt on the wet asphalt and returned to the gate.

Somehow Rey didn't have to guess who it was.

He talked with the security guard for a second, before he was let in.

A high pitched squeal of absolute delight escaped the little girl on the pavement.

”Daddy!” her playing came to an instant stop. The man jogged under the roof, and doubled over his knees to gasp for air.

”Hey snickers, sorry I'm late.” he spoke with a low, soft voice and smiled at the little girl.  
”Did you have fun? Did you make friends?”

He was soaking wet, jaw length black hair glued to his head and face, like he'd just taken a swim. He was quickly standing in a large puddle forming under him. He was wearing a dark jean jacket and matching pants, that all drooped drenched on him. His jacket was open, revealing a dark blue Henley, though it was so wet it looked almost black.

What she did know for sure that this guy was huge. He wasn't fat, by no means, but tall as a tree and wide as a fridge. His palms were like frying pans pressed against his thighs. Despite all of that, he looked surprisingly lean. Sort of like a sports car.

”I had super fun!” the little girl was ecstatic, as she jumped at the ridiculously large man, wrapping her arms behind his neck before he could stop her.

”Noo, you'll get all wet.” he resisted but made no effort to push the girl away. Instead he curled one arm behind her and hoisted easily up to sit on his forearm, while straightening his back. Once he reached his full height Rey was even more convinced that he was an actual giant.

Only then did his mind seem to register that Rey was still very much standing by the door and following their interaction. She thought she saw a faint blush on the bridge of his nose, as he cleared his throat.

”Hello..” he said, his voice a low baritone that caused Rey to bite her lower lip. His eyes fixated on her, and Rey could just about feel how her skin began to burn at the intensity of his gaze.

She was having a problem, that being that she was undeniably physically attracted to him. This guy – despite being drenched in rain water – was hot. The sort of hot that might not have been appealing to everyone, but made this particular preschool teacher want to whimper on the spot.

He had a narrow face that contrasted the initial wideness of him and whiskey colored eyes that hit different now that they were no longer on a little girl.  
He had a thin line on his cheek that looked like an old scar, slightly hooked nose and – _oh Christ_ – his mouth.  
His lips were down right sultry. Full and lush and god forbid, pink. The way he seemed to be unaware of all of that, biting and pursing them as he pleased.

Rey realised she was staring – but so was he. Those incredible lips were parted to a blank expression, brows hinged slightly up on his forehead. Probably because he was weirded out by this random lady ogling him like a piece of meat, Rey told herself and snapped back to reality.

”Hello, I'm Annie's teacher.” she finally forced actual words to come out of her mouth. She reached her hand towards him and smiled. ”Rey Johnson.”

The man took her hand into his very large, very warm palm and squeezed it firmly. Rey didn't want to think about what that hold did to her.  
”Ben Solo. Her dad. If that wasn't obvious.” he chuckled a bit awkwardly now. He hung to the handshake a second longer than he should have – but that might have just been Rey's imagination going haywire.

”Sorry I'm late. Lecture ran long and my car's in the shop..”

Rey tried not to look surprised by what he said. Instead she made a quick assessment of what age he might be, and though he looked a bit old to be a college student, but Rey knew that people had different situations. And he wasn't old by any means – maybe thirty. That wasn't too old to get an education.

”Oh- No it's okay. We do understand that sometimes parents can't make it to pick-up time, but please call next time so we won't have to worry.” she tried to sound as polite as she could, but she did mean every word.

”Right”, the man, Ben Solo, nodded his head vigorously ”Yea- I know. I really though I'd make it. Sorry.”

One more thing Rey noticed about him was that he had rather prominent ears that now stuck out because his hair was glued against his head. They'd turned red when Rey's tone had gotten more firm, and the only thing in her mind then was: _Holy shit that's adorable_.

Ben Solo turned on his heels, and sighed at the down pour.

”Are you going to walk?” Rey canted her head to the side.

”I don't exactly have an option.. but the campus is only like three blocks that way so..” he sounded more tired than a second ago.

”That's still a long way to be walking in that rain. I could give you a ride, I'm headed that way anyway.”

Rey had no idea what she was doing – it wasn't exactly smart to invite a stranger into her car. But this stranger had a little kid in her class so maybe, just maybe, it wasn't so bad.

Ben Solo turned his head to her, his brow cocked to a strange look. ”Thanks for the offer..” he chewed on his lower lip and Rey's eyes laser focused on it, before forcibly tearing her eyes off.  
”Don't take this the wrong way but.. we don't exactly have a habit of getting into a stranger's car..”

Rey blinked. Then shame overtook her. Of course he'd say no! She was the stranger here, and he was the soaking wet dad with a five year old in his arms. Though Rey admittedly did think it was hilarious that a man of his size was wary of her – a small preschool teacher in a cardigan, but she didn't blame him.

”Right”, she raised her palms in apology. ”Of course, yes. Sorry.” she shook her head from side to side and tried to smile. Ben Solo was still looking at her, his expression now something very different, something Rey couldn't quite put her finger on.

”At least take my umbrella.” she pointed the pink, still shut umbrella at him. ”You can return it tomorrow. I wouldn't want Annie catching a cold on her first day.”

Something like a smile tucked at those sexy lips of his, and he took her offer. ”Thank you. You're very kind, Mrs. Johnson.”

”Miss.”

”Sorry?”

”Miss Johnson.” Rey corrected, then instantly regretted saying anything. Way to look eager, she cursed at herself.

Ben Solo nodded his head slowly, almost as if letting the information sink in. Then he opened the umbrella and handed it to Annie to hold.

”I'll bring it back tomorrow. Have a nice day, Miss Johnson.” he seemed to almost pressure her title, as he turned and left.

”Bye!” Annie looked over his wide shoulder, and waved at her as he carried her away.  
”Bye..” Rey said, too quiet to be heard, but gave the little girl a wave.


	2. One(1) pink umbrella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben returns Rey's umbrella

It was quarter to nine and kids were filing in steadily. Rey sat at her desk, greeting each one as they dropped off their bags and headed back outside until the bell rang.

"Good morning Miss Johnson", a girl with black hair bounced to the back of the classroom. Annie. That one would be easy to remember. Today she had her hair tied to a ponytail and a light blue silk ribbon tied sloppily around it. Rey had to wonder if it was the extremely attractive man who did her hair every day. She could almost picture him trying to work the tiny hair ties in his admittedly large hands.

Annie ran from the room much like other children to go play for the rest of recess, and Rey returned her focus to the book in front of her - that was until she heard something that caught her interest from the hallway.

"Bye daddy!"

"Bye snickers, have fun." the familiar sounding baritone said, followed by a knock on the open door to her classroom. Rey had already turned her head in that direction, to watch as Ben Solo awkwardly stood by the door, looking like he might actually fill the entire frame if he just stretched a little. His hand was tucked in the front pocket of his dark jeans, the other one holding the hilt of a pink umbrella - her umbrella. 

"Good morning Miss Johnson, may I come in?"  
He had a friendly sort of smile and Rey nodded.

"Good morning, Mr.. Solo? Ben, was it?" 

As if she could actually forget. Rey had to admit he had looked good yesterday, but he looked even better now that he wasn't soaked. He still wore dark jeans, but now he had a grey sweater and a bomber jacket. His hair was full and a little wavy, cutting off around his jawline.

"Benjamin actually. But don't call me that, only my mother calls me Benjamin. I don't know why I said that, Ben is fine." he blabbered, and Rey actually giggled a little. This man had no right to be so large and so adorable at the same time.

"Ben it is then. So, what brings you to my classroom?" she rolled around on her office chair, legs crossed and arms propped on her lap like a low-budget mafiaboss.

"I brought your umbrella. As promised." he took a step closer, offering it to her. 

Rey knew that’s why he was there, having already seen it in his hand, but she smiled all the same. He could have easily had Annie deliver it back to her, but he went out of his way to bring it to her himself. She took the umbrella and tucked it swiftly to her messenger bag, currently leaning on the side of her desk. 

"And I was wondering if I missed something yesterday? If there was something I was supposed to sign or..?" he rubbed the back of his neck, shifting a little in his footsteps. 

"I gave everything with whom I assumed was Annie's grandmother. There wasn't anything that needed signing, just some basic info."

"Oh okay, good. It's just that my mother, she can be forgetful sometimes and Annie loses everything that isn't tied to her on a string." he gestured vaguely through the air, letting out a little nervous laughter.

"It was just about pick-ups and drop-offs, some basic policies like dress code and so on. As well as the schools contact information." Rey explained calmly, the corner of her lips tugging a little. “I was surprised you weren’t here yesterday morning.” 

“I had an early lecture.” 

“Right.” 

"I'll try to drop her off too as much as I can but I have early lectures.. But I've arranged it so that I can pick her up every day." he sounded a little defensive, like he had something to prove. 

"Like you did yesterday?"

It was amazing how a little bit of shame could bring someone down. It was like his whole bone structure caved in on him. He clearly didn't realise she was just messing with him.

"Not.. Not like that.. I- really thought I'd make it.." he rubbed his feet together, and Rey truly couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He really looked like he was trying his hardest.

"I'm kidding." she had to let him out of the pinch.

His mouth drew to a prominent o-shape, and his eyes seemed to brighten from the almost sulky place they’d gone a second ago.  
Damn it - why did he have to be so adorable. Rey wasn’t used to seeing that amount of awkwardness who by all measure should have been bursting with confidence. 

"Teachers do have a sense of humor you know. And you showed up, didn't you. I've seen the opposite happen." Rey had to stop teasing him. If it really was just him raising Annie, which she couldn't be sure of, he was doing a good enough job so far - simply based on how much his daughter seemed to like him. Rey'd seen kids who cried every day when it was time to go home or cowered behind her legs when their parents came in. It always made her glad to see the opposite. 

His posture got a little better and he dared to even give her a lopsided smile.

"I'm sorry, this is all just stressing me out. It's new. I'm so used to bringing her to class with me and having her around.. I’m talking like she’s moved half-way across the world and it's just the second day of school.." he chuckled, realising his own ridiculousness. He shook his head so that a few black tendrils of hair fell over his eyes and he had to brush them back. 

"I think that's normal. Parents worry, but that's part of it." Rey stood up from her chair, starting to put handouts on each desk before the bell could ring. "And it's just preschool. She's not grown up yet." she grinned over her shoulder.

"I'm not looking forward to that."

"Oh you will, once the mood swings hit."

Ben laughed, and Rey felt a bit of tension loosen in the air. It was comfortable talking to him like this.

"Yea I don't know if I can handle that. If she's anything like me she'll be an absolute fucker and that’s just-" he clamped a hand over his mouth "I'm sorry, I don't curse around her."

"Please don't lie to my face, Mr Solo." Rey rolled her eyes and this time it was clear that she was teasing him. Parents cursed. That was a fact and she wasn't about to pretend like it wasn't. It wasn’t like she had never slipped up, even in front of the class. He laughed again and Rey thought she really liked the sound of that.

"So maybe I curse around her. Sometimes. Okay, daily. But she knows not to repeat them."

"You’ll be the one sitting in detention if she does." Rey smirked just as the bell rang.

"I better get out of the way. But it was nice talking to you, Miss Johnson." he walked to the door but stopped just as he was about to go out. "And thanks for the umbrella."

"Anytime, Mr Solo. Anytime."

***

Like he said, Ben Solo was there a little past 1pm, during pick-up.

"I see you're a man of your word." Rey had volunteered to be the pick-up watch for the day. Ben was squatting in front of Annie, nodding along as she went on about her day. Rey walked to them with her hands in her jacket pockets. It wasn’t raining today, but it was a bit chilly, and she’d opted for jeans and sneakers instead of her frilly outfit from yesterday - truth be told she felt much more at home wearing pants, but she’d at least attempted to look presentable on the first day of school. 

"I try to be. Yes." he nodded a little, with something resembling a smile on his face. He stood back up, Annie holding to his finger. 

"So how do you do it? Balance her and school? It's none of my business, I know." Rey was curious, and she didn't have a habit of not saying what she was thinking.

"Well she's spent more time in my lectures than most of the students so I'd say she'll make a damn good historian, but other than that.." he shrugged. "I think we're like everyone else."

"History? Is that your major?"

"I mean.. Yes? My main study and research are on dead languages but I guess it's my major in an overarching way."

"That’s interesting.”

"Yea, but I prefer teaching, I’d go crazy if I had to just focus on my own research."

"Wait, you're not a student?"

Ben Solo blinked, then his lips quirked and he snorted, before doubling over with laughter. He had to wipe his eyes by the end of it.

"I'm sorry, you thought I was in university? As in.. A student? Miss Johnson I'm flattered you think I'm that young." he shook his head.  
"I'm a professor in the history and language department. PhD."

"Oh dear God.." Rey hid inside her jacket, angling herself away from him to hide the fact that her face was now red as a cherry.  
"I'm so sorry, you're more highly educated than I'll ever be, I'm so sorry-"

"Please. A PhD at my age means that I had literally nothing better to do in my twenties, and that's just a little sad." he was tucking his hands in his jacket pockets, kicking around pebbles.

"And how old are you, Mr- I mean, Dr Solo? If I may ask." Rey couldn't help but use his official title. It was funny to see him look a bit coy at hearing it.

"I'm turning thirty-two in a few months, but I feel like I've been sixty for the past half a decade."

"Funny that your daughter is five." Rey was surprised. That meant he was only seven years older than her. 

"Kids age you." He smiled fondly "Not that I mind. I wasn't any fun to begin with." he said it like he was proud to be boring. Rey could appreciate that.

"I don't know. I've talked to you all of three times now and I'm having fun." she liked how his expression cleared a little.

His focus shifted to the side at a distant sound of snickering and his eyes panned down quickly, the glimpse of confidence fading. Rey took a look in the same direction and saw three soccer moms eyeballing them and whispering to each other.

"You have a pack of Karen's on you."

"I don't know what that means, but I don't exactly appreciate how they aren't even trying to hide the fact that they are looking." Ben murmured, his shoulders tensing. “I don’t know what they expect. Am I supposed to sprout a head? Breathe fire? I swear the same thing was happening in daycare. A dad taking care of his children is like a mythical creature to these people..” he huffed a little at his own joke. 

Rey felt bad for him again, since it was obvious, at least to her, why it kept happening to him. Maybe it was for the best that he kept thinking it was the idea of a good dad they were ogling, and not him physically as a hot young stud with a cute little kid at his feet. 

“Yea well they look like the kind of mom’s who are on their third kid and the husband cares more about their young secretary and football than their kids.” 

“I hate football.”

“Why? You look like a quarterback.” Rey would have clamped a hand over her mouth if she’d had the time, but Ben just laughed again, making her think he didn’t mind her slip up. 

“My students call me the History-Buff. I admit I like working out, but I don’t play well with others. Something I hope hasn’t passed on to Annie.” 

He looked at her like asking for confirmation, but really Rey had no answer - it was too soon for her to say anything about any of her students, not just Annie. 

“I’ll let you know”, Rey just shrugged, because there wasn’t much else she could say. The bell rang again as a sign that recess was over. 

“I have to go, but it was nice talking. Again.” she smirked a little and waved as they parted ways. Somehow she was hoping this would become a regular thing - Ben Solo was a refreshing change of pace to the soccer mom’s, not unlike the three vultures who’d been eyeing Ben. She had had just about enough of concerned mom’s telling her that they used the wrong kind of crayons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna be slow to update, I said.  
> I have studying to do, I said. 
> 
> yea... we all know what that means..


	3. Greensleeves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past two days from Ben's POV

With shaky fingers Ben tightened the purple bows on Annie's hair, patted out her clothes and tightened the backpack straps.

"Okay, okay. Do you have everything you need? Pens, paper, lunch box?" he knelt on the floor at his parents house. He couldn't believe he wouldn't be able to take her to school on her first day. 

“Yep.” she was smiling up to her ears while Ben struggled to keep it together. His baby girl was growing up so fast and he was terrified. 

“Okay. Granny is gonna take you to school, and you’re going to behave nicely and make a bunch of friends and it’s gonna be fun, right?”

“Yep!”

“And- and if another kid is being mean to you?”

“I hit ‘em where it hurts.”

Ben’s face fell. She’d said it without missing a single beat. He could hear the bark of laughter coming from the kitchen, belonging to his own father. 

“Dad, did you teach her that?” 

“The girl’s got to know the Solo way.”

“Fucking hell.. “ Ben murmured under his breath, taking Annie by the shoulders. “No, snickers, you can’t hit anyone. If someone is mean, you tell the teacher. Understand?” 

She nodded. Ben doubted she’d actually punch anyone, but he couldn’t be sure. She was his daughter after all, and though after years and years of practice he’d learned to not be the one to throw the first punch, that had not always been the case. 

“Okay, I have to go now, but I’ll come get you at one. Don’t go with anyone else. I’ll come get you. Even if it’s a nice lady, or the dad of your new friend, you don’t go in their car. I’ll be there. Promise?” Ben’s heart was pounding. He’d raised Annie on his own, practically from birth. He was a nervous wreck. 

“I promise.” 

“Good. Kiss.” he smacked her cheek and the little girl giggled a little before kissing him back on the opposite cheek. “Daddy loves you, have fun!”

Ben waved at her before going out the door. He felt like he was losing her forever.  
This was going to be a long day. 

***

The forecast said it would be sunny. At 7:30am, it was still a bit cloudy but the possibility of sunny weather was still there at least.

Ben Solo hopped on the local bus and took the 20 minute ride from the suburbs to the center, then walked for another 5 minutes to campus. 

He was sort of glad to know Annie’s school was only three blocks away from the university, but having grown used to her just coming to work with him; three blocks felt like she was halfway across the country. 

Ben headed right for the lecture hall, instead of his office. He’d barely make it on time as it was. They started a few minutes late because his laptop decided to act difficult and not connect to the projector. It felt like the first bad sign of the day. This would be a long day indeed. 

Ben had a tuna salad for lunch in the cafeteria, and then realised he was almost late from his 12 o’clock class, the second time that day. He really was distracted - Ben Solo firmly believed that if you did not arrive at least five minutes early, you were late. 

He thought about that a lot when he was sprinting among traffic, already an hour late. 

The rain pelted him, and he supposed he deserved it - even if the forecast said it would be sunny. Bullshit. 

Ben liked exercise, but he was not one for running. He enjoyed weight lifting and muscle building, but he was not one to choose cardio over deadlifts. He did still go for the occasional jog, just to keep a balance to his routine, but right in that moment he was running on pure adrenaline alone. He was fairly certain he’d elbowed a freshman trying to get out of the history building. 

It felt like a victory when he saw the fenced school building and bolted across the street without looking - a big mistake he realised when his head came dangerously close to the hood of a Honda.  
It didn’t matter, the most he’d get was a bruise on his palms for taking his weight, but since he hadn’t actually been hurt, he kept on running, sliding past the actual gate because his sneakers had no grip on the asphalt with nearly an inch of water covering it. 

A brief discussion with the security guard and he was let in - thank god. Half way there he’d feared they might actually not let him in. 

All else fell through when he got that first glimpse of Annie, still waiting for him by the main building. He could feel the squeezing in his chest ease up, and air starting to flow better in his lungs. He knew he was being anxious for nothing, but he was certain he’d never love anyone quite as much as he loved his baby girl - And didn’t that justify all this worrying? Even Ben didn’t believe in that. What he’d been most annoyed by his own parents as a kid was the constant hovering. He’d have to work on it, before Annie got to an age where she was annoyed by it. 

Still, Ben couldn’t say it wasn’t absolutely delightful when Annie squealed for him and wrapped her tiny arms behind his neck. He picked her up, his breathing still heavy, but his lungs didn’t burn in his chest anymore. 

That’s when he saw her - and at first Ben didn’t really understand why this lady was staring at them, but she was pretty. So damn pretty, actually, while he probably looked like he’d swam there. 

“Hello I’m Annie’s teacher.”

-And reality check. Ben was standing there like an idiot, blankly staring at his daughter’s teacher, looking and feeling like a wet dog. He counted on getting an angry email from the principle by the end of the day. 

“Rey Johnson”, she extended her hand to him and Ben shook it, feeling warm despite the conditions. 

“Ben Solo. Her dad. If that wasn’t obvious.” Ben internally cursed himself, and outwardly laughed at himself. He realised he was still holding her hand, and withdrew.  
“Sorry I’m late. Lecture ran long and my car’s in the shop.”

There wasn’t need to tell her it was his fault the lecture went on forever and that his car wasn’t so much in the shop anymore as it was a metal cube in the junkyard - not since this morning when he’d made the call that it wasn’t worth the money to salvage the piece of crap, instead of taking all the working parts out of it and selling them, and then just getting a new car.  
Well, a used, new car - he wasn’t that kind of a doctor. 

She went on to kindly tell him to call next time, and though she didn’t sound angry, Ben felt thoroughly chastised. 

Then she went on to offer them a ride when he’d turned and was about to head back to the rain. Ben was actually thinking that she was heaven sent, but then he remembered how he’d pressured Annie that morning to not get into anyone’s car. He felt awful to decline but he had to stick to it. 

When she began to apologise Ben wanted to tell her his reasoning, but that just felt stupid, so he kept his mouth shut instead. 

“At least take my umbrella. You can return it tomorrow, I wouldn’t want Annie catching a cold on her first day.” 

Ben felt a smile coming on, allowing his lips to tug just a little. She was too kind, and Ben didn’t hesitate to tell her so. 

“Miss”. 

“Sorry?” 

“Miss Johnson.” she said, and Ben had to nod in his confusion. . He wasn’t sure how he felt about that, it didn’t mean anything really, but it sort of did, didn’t it? Ben couldn’t tell. 

He left with greetings. 

***

“So how was school, really?” Ben combed Annie’s hair after her shower, with her sitting cross legged on the floor in front of him. He had to use tangle spray, because her hair was starting to get so long it was impossible to keep it neat. He’d approached her with scissors one time, but Annie wouldn’t let him cut it - she wanted to be like Rapunzel. 

“We made name signs for our desks, mine is purple and I drew stars on it.” Annie was hugging a stuffed dog against her stomach. “Then we all got to say our name and tell something about ourselves and then Miss Johnson read to us and then I played outside with a girl named Jenny and-” she went on to explain the entire day in one sentence. 

“So what did you tell about yourself?” 

“I said my favourite color is purple.” 

“I thought it was blue?” 

“I changed it.” 

Ben made a sound that might have been a choked out laugh, but he’d never admit it. He ran one last long brush through her hair before setting it down. 

“Done”, he grinned when Annie jumped up and climbed on the sofa. He knew what was next. 

“Your turn”, she pointed to the floor, and Ben slided down to sit on the floor in turn, settling his broad back against the edge of the sofa. Annie’s tiny feet propped on either side of his head and she began to spray his luscious locks with the detangler. Who was he to tell his daughter she needed to have her hair cut when he was the one who actively did not cut his hair, because his mother kept scoffing at him about it. 

Ben did like these moments. They had certain quid pro quo agreements with Annie - mostly with things she hated or did not like done, like brushing her hair for one. It got tangled, and she hated brushing it because it pulled on her scalp, so she and Ben had agreed that he was allowed to brush it if she got to brush his as well. Only Ben did not dislike it, it was one of the best parts of his day. He felt a sort of closeness to his daughter. He loved her, and he knew she loved him, but when she overused the tangle spray and ran the comb through his hair, he felt cared for, something he didn’t get from anyone else. 

Ben did not realise he’d dozed off before Annie pulled on his ear. 

“Dad I’m tired”, she was rubbing her eyes, and Ben nodded, swallowing back a yawn. 

“Yea- off to bed, you have a hard day of education tomorrow.” 

“Ed-educ-” 

“It means school.” Ben climbed up, feeling a stiffness in his back. He was getting too old for sitting on the hard floor. He led Annie to her room in their three bedroom apartment, dodging Legos on his way to her bed. She climbed on there herself, but waited for Ben to tug her in. 

“Dad”, Annie looked up at him demandingly. 

Ben chuckled a little nervously, nodding. He shouldn’t have been ashamed of singing to her anymore, but he was a little either way. Annie couldn’t sleep if he didn’t sing, so he was used to just pushing through his shame. He hummed the first couple notes of Greensleeves, Annie’s favourite song for him to sing, and pet her head while he softly crooned to her. 

“ Alas my love you do me wrong  
To cast me off discourteously;  
And I have loved you oh so long  
Delighting in your company.

Greensleeves was all my joy  
Greensleeves was my delight  
Greensleeves was my heart of gold  
And who but my lady Greensleeves.” 

He finished off by kissing her forehead, and let Annie wrap her arms behind his neck for a moment. 

“Good night, snickers”, he whispered, to which she replied equally quietly. 

“Good night, daddy.” 

***

Ben could have put the umbrella in Annie’s backpack and be done with it. He could have, but something compelled him to take it out the last minute and just walk after his little girl through the school gates and to Miss Johnson’s classroom. 

He told himself it was the polite thing to do, and he could just drop off the umbrella and leave. But then she remembered his name and words just came spilling out of his gut, multiple times. It was unnervingly easy to talk to her, especially for Ben who struggled to talk to anyone about his personal life - now he was telling her his anxieties and he felt weirdly comfortable through it. He figured it was the smile she gave him, like it was okay to say anything and she wouldn’t hold it against him. 

He was more surprised when she came to talk to her willingly during pick-up. 

Ben was still chuckling to himself after the ball rang and he started walking back to the center with Annie on his side. He couldn’t believe she’d actually thought he was a student - of course he’d had to make an ass out of himself by telling her the little nickname his students gave him. 

It had probably started out as a joke to make fun of him, but then he’d decided to steer right into it and now he had a nameplate on his desk, next to his actual name that said History-Buff. It was a gift from some of the students. It was a little embarrassing but he’d rather be able to laugh at himself than be laughed at. Something that he hadn’t always been able to do either. 

“What’s so funny dad?”

“Something Miss Johnson said. She thought I was a student.”

“You can’t be a student, daddy, you’re old.”

Ben huffed. “I told her that.” 

A second of silence passed where they just kept walking, Annie pranced a few feet ahead of him, and Ben tucked his hands in his jacket pockets. “Hey snickers, how old do you think Miss Johnson is? Has she told you?”

His little girl stopped and looked up at him with a pondering expression.  
“Like fifty?” 

Okay, maybe asking a 5 year-old that wasn’t the best course of action. 

Ben pursed his lips. They walked another few feet. “I’m just saying she looks like she could be.. 25? Maybe younger?”

“You’re weird.” there was no mercy from Annie. Ben gave up, it didn’t really matter anyway what age she was. She was nice and pretty and she laughed at his jokes - probably because she wanted to be polite, which he wouldn’t blame her for. 

They crossed to campus, headed to the history building. It looked very much like Ben was just following where Annie went, marching on autopilot. The girl knew where his office was, but because it was Tuesday she knew he had the Introduction class to Language studies at 2pm, she took a right instead of a left and then one floor up and there they were. If anything she could make a great guide dog. 

“Hey Solo, Solo-Junior.” 

Ben looked over his shoulder just as he was opening the door to look at the student addressing them, while he kept on fiddling with the lock. 

“Hey Dameron.”

“Hi Poe!” Annie waved her hand at him, and Poe offered her a high-five. 

“So Junior, I have a back of gummy bears in my backpack if you want some?” Poe squatted lower, a big goofy grin on his face. He was social, almost obnoxiously so and had befriended Annie ages ago. 

“Dad?” she still had the sense to peek at Ben before taking any offers. Ben unlocked the door and opened it. 

“What do we say when weirdo’s offer us candy?” Ben prompted, knowing fully well that it was safe to take candy from Poe, but he wanted to see what would happen. He’d taught her to politely decline. 

Annie turned to Poe and suddenly she had the most aggressive scowl on her face. 

“I’M CALLING THE POLICE!” 

Thud. 

That was the sound of her velcro sneaker hitting Poe’s shin. 

It was unclear who was more surprised, Ben or Poe. 

“Shiiit… That’s- ow.” Poe hissed, holding his leg and definitely blinking faster than before. 

“Jesus.. I’m sorry Dameron, she’s been hanging out with my dad-” he flipped and marched after his daughter who was wandering inside the classroom already. 

“Annie Elisabeth Solo!” 

She froze. Ben rarely even called her Annie, so bringing out the middle and last name was really something. 

“That is not how we do things. You don’t hit or kick anyone! Do you understand!?” Ben loomed above her, his jaw ticking. He hated using his dad-voice but she’d just made a grown man teary eyed. 

Annie nodded shyly. She looked small, even smaller than before. 

“Go apologise to Dameron.” he pointed to the entrance and Annie sprinted there. Ben followed behind, giving them enough space to talk. Annie’s lip was quivering as she spoke quietly. Poe nodded along, patting her head by the end of it. He wasn’t angry. 

“And if grandpa gives more advice, you ask me first.” Ben said, but it absolutely tore at his heart how Annie caved in on herself. 

“Yes, dad..” she murmured, looking at her feet. 

“Good. Okay..” Ben sucked in a deep breath. He really just wanted to pick her up and be done for the day, but he had class until 4pm.  
She took out her crayons and went to sit in the corner desk without saying a word. 

***

Annie kept quiet for the rest of the day, even when Ben tried to start a conversation. She kept to her room, ate dinner quickly and went back. By the time it was bedtime Ben felt like the worst person on the planet. 

“Snickers? Time to go to bed.” at 8:30 he knocked on her door and peeked inside to find her already curled under covers. 

“Are you asleep?” 

She laid still but her irregular breathing told Ben she was awake. He walked further into the room. 

“Do you want me to sing to you?” 

“No.” 

“Okay..” Ben crossed to the other side of the double sided bed and laid down - he’d opted for an adult sized bed for her so he wouldn’t have to buy a new one every time she had a growth spurt.

Annie turned so her back was to him, while Ben stared at the ceiling. There were luminescent stars glued to the ceiling. It was strange how far away someone could feel even if they weren't two feet from you. 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you”, that’s how long Ben could hold it together before tears started to slowly tick out the corners of his eyes.  
“But we can’t go around hitting people. That’s not how it works.” 

“Grandpa said I should..”

“Grandpa is trying to teach you bad habits-” Ben shook his head. “It’s not his fault, I’m sorry snickers, it’s my fault, I should have taught you better.” 

That time Annie shifted, turning around so she could look at him. She had trails of tears down her red cheeks. 

“I’m sorry I kicked Poe.” her voice was impossibly quiet but in the small room it was loud and clear. 

“It’s good that you apologised. I’m sure Dameron isn't mad.”

“Are you mad?” her lip trembled. 

“No.. “ Ben turned on his side as well, so they were laying face to face. “Can you forgive me for yelling?” 

She nodded. “Yea.” 

Ben reached a hand over to her, but let it drop before actually touching her.  
“Can I hold you for a minute?”

Annie smiled a little, scooting closer until Ben could pull her to his chest and tug her head under his chin. He sighed a little, like a weight had been lifted. 

“Are we all good?” he asked carefully, petting her hair absently. 

“All good.” Annie mumbled, nuzzling deeper to the crook of his neck. It didn’t take long until she was snoozing, sound asleep, and Ben felt himself start to fall asleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my grandpa used to play Greensleeves on the violin for us, so that's where that came from xP I was going to put Leaving on a Jet Plane cuz of the reference, but then I decided otherwise :D


	4. Bad onkers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Rose has no chill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you've probably seen the tweet, but @himbowol on twitter inspired the whole badonkers bit, so thank you for that.

Rey came to learn that around once a week, usually on Mondays, Ben was late. Well not technically, he’d come sprinting, always making it to pick-up at the very last minute, then went on to rejoice and rub it in Rey’s face that he’d been on time. 

“Mr Solo, I wonder what day you’ll actually be hit by a car, sprinting among traffic like that.” 

“Probably the same day I die.” Ben puffed, bent over his knees and gasping for air. “But I made it on time.”

“And with a full minute to spare.” Rey scoffed, but her tone wasn’t mean. “Honestly, just walk like a normal person and call that you’ll be 10 minutes late. You’ll live longer.” 

“Oh you’d just love that, wouldn’t you. Me admitting to being late.” Ben straightened his back and shook his head. “I told you, I made time to pick her up.” 

“Yea but I won’t think less of you if you’re late every Monday.” 

“Not happening.” 

“Is this a pride thing?” Rey crossed her arms over her chest as if in a challenge. Ben shook his head. 

“No, this is a Solo thing. We keep our promises.” he put down hands on Annie’s shoulders, measuring her against himself. “Right, snickers?”

“Grandpa says promises are for suckers and virgins.” 

Ben had never felt the urge to sink through the ground quite as much as he did then. “You need to stop listening to everything grandpa says...” 

“What does virgin mean?” Annie tipped her head back so she could look at Ben with her widespread Bambi eyes. 

“I don’t know.” 

“He also says no one would believe you’re not a virgin if I didn’t look so much like you.” 

“Okay, we’re leaving. Miss Johnson.” Ben shoved Annie in the direction of the gate and gave an awkward smile at Rey, who was biting her lips together, holding back laughter.

She tucked her hands in her pockets and smiled warmly at both of them - Ben couldn’t be sure if the little red on her cheeks was from the conversation of the crisp autumn air.

“Her grandpa is wrong on that one.” she called after him, Ben had to look back over. She had a crooked smile on her face. “I’d believe it.”

Ben knew _exactly_ why his face was red. 

***

Rey cursed herself for hours after that. That had definitely crossed a line. But who was she to blame that there was no way she’d ever believe a man as handsome and charming, in a tense, awkward way, could ever be a virgin. 

She really needed to get a filter for her mouth. 

Rey filed back inside, had her last lesson of the day and walked to her car, still thinking about what she had said to him. There was a real possibility that the principal would want to have a word with her tomorrow, starting with the sentence “We’ve received a complaint from a certain parent about inappropriate behavior.”

She turned on her car and merged into traffic, wondering if today would be a MacDonald’s day or not - usually she reserved junk food for the weekend, but today she was feeling like fries and a milkshake would immensely improve her mood. 

  
With her pack of MacDonald’s and an extra milkshake, Rey knew exactly where she needed to go. She drove to the local university’s parking lot, praying to God that Ben Solo had already gone home from work, and took a heading for the dorms. 

Rey had only been a teacher for two years, managing to secure a position at Alderaan Elementary straight out of college. She hadn’t gone to the local university, but she knew a few people who did. Rey picked up her phone and shot a text. 

  
**Rey 03:37pm**

I have MacDonald’s, and I’m through the door in t-minus 3 minutes. 

**Rose 03:38pm**

Oh thank god

I’m starving

Plz tell me you have a milkshake

**Rey 03:39pm**

I do 

**Rose 03:39pm**

Angel. 

Rey smirked and tucked her phone back in her jacket pocket, taking out a chunk of key’s, that included her house key, car key, work key, as well as a key to dorm room number 92. 

Rose Tico munched happily on a few fries she stole, sipping back the strawberry milkshake Rey’d knowingly gotten her.

“So”, she started, her feet propped on the edge of the tiny IKEA bar table that acted as the dining table in her two person dorm. She’d had a roommate, but Jessica had recently moved in with her girlfriend so Rose had the room to herself indefinitely - at least until the school assigned the free room to someone. 

  
“You look like you swallowed a lemon.” 

“I fucked up..” Rey crunched her empty burger wrappers in her hand and tossed to the empty paper bag that now acted as a trash bag. 

“With History-Buff?” 

Rose had a keen eye, and after the first two interactions they had, Rey had thrown herself on Rose’s bed and spilled her guts about the hot professor she had met. Not foregoing the details of how his wet shirt had clung to his carved pecs like a second skin. She wanted to know if Rose had any insider details she should know - like if he was actually a huge asshole. According to Rose’s intel, being a history major herself, he was not. Just a very chill professor with an awkward sense of humor where he knew that he wasn’t a particularly funny person, but made dry sarcastic remarks and sassed people within good taste, and that was enough to make him likeable to most. He wasn’t a half bad teacher either, clearly passionate about the subjects but tried to keep the lessons simple enough for even the less adept to understand. 

“That name is so weird.. but yea.” 

Rose lifted her brows a little “What on earth could you have done to get you this upset? Or did he just reject you?”

Rey shook her head. “I kinda sorta implied that I don’t think he looks like a virgin.” 

Rose blinked. “Rey, he has a kid. Literally. He was carrying her in a baby sling around campus when she was little, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say he’s decidedly not a virgin. Plus that is probably a compliment.” 

“Yea but I said that to his face! Well.. not in so many words, but I crossed a line, Rose. I’m sure he’ll file a complaint or something and I can kiss my job goodbye.” 

Rose slurped her milkshake, the straw making a gurgling sound as she neared the end of her sugary drink. The tiny woman spun a hair around her finger and ruminated what Rey’d just told her. 

“Don’t you think an adult in their thirties could say to your face if you’ve crossed any sort of line or offended him? You said you’ve been talking when he picks up his kid. Is he actually flirting with you or do you just talk about the weather or some shit?” Rose placed the cardboard cup in the holder, crossing her arms over her chest, like she’d made a tricky move in a game of chess. 

“Well..” Rey had to think back on their interactions. He wasn’t necessarily flirting with her, not explicitly anyway, but his tone was always playful. He seemed to find reasons to talk to her - even if that reason was just to say hello and wish her a good day. Not that Rey wasn’t doing the exact same thing. In the past month there had been two days when she hadn’t acted as pick-up supervisor out of her own free will, just so she could have those few minutes to talk with him. 

“I guess you have a point. He could just say if I crossed a line. But- I’m not sure if we’re flirting. I’ve been flirted with and this is... different.” 

“Do you want to flirt with him? I mean, do you like him, do you have a crush on him?” 

Rey blushed a little. “I don’t know! Adults don't have crushes.” 

Rose snorted. “Rey you’re stuffing your face with garbage, in a dorm. You’re not an adult.” 

Rey sometimes forgot she had only just turned twenty-six. It was her job to be a beacon to growing minds, to pretend like she knew what the fuck was going on, and maybe she did when she subject included finger painting, but really, she didn't feel like much of an adult - Even if she lived in a house instead of an apartment and had a steady job. Still, she didn’t want to think of herself as a kid either, especially not in front of a clearly adult man with a child and a PhD. 

“Okay well, I don’t know if I know him well enough to have a crush.” 

“I don’t know Sebastian Stan either, but I can tell you for a fact I have a crush on him.” 

Rey made a scoffing sound, rolling her eyes back. Rose was her best friend, but right now she would have rather she say the things Rey wanted to hear, not try to be actually helpful and smart and make 100% sense with her arguments. 

“Okay, even if I had just a teeny-tiny crush on him, I don’t even know if he has a girlfriend. For all I know he’s nice to everyone, and I’m foolish enough to take it as a sign or something.. Not to mention, I teach his kid! So there’s your reason.” 

“I thought you liked kids? Want kids.”

“Yes but she’s in my class, it wouldn’t be fair.” 

“Rey, it’s not like there is a conflict of interest. You don’t even give grades. What are you gonna do? If he rejects you, you stop giving his kid gold stars? The real question is are you that petty?” Rose’s eyes rolled far back in her head. “I say, just go for it. Worst that is going to happen he says he’s not interested and you go on your merry way. Best case, you’re gonna have some office sex.” 

“Office sex?” 

“Yep. We’re going to go say hi.” Rose jumped from her seat and grabbed Rey’s arm. 

“Woah, woah, woah- I’m not meeting him now!” 

“His office hours are from 3pm to 5pm from Mondays to Thursdays.” 

Rose dragged Rey out of her seat, and towards the door.

“Rose, no! No, no, no, Rose-” 

“Why not?” Rose spun around on her heels, looking stern. Her arms propped over her chest, hip slightly popped to the side. 

Rey was trying to come up with an excuse. What could she say to that? It would be so much easier if she’d just ask him if he was interested, and if not, she’d move on. It was not like they actually had anything going on. She could say she was curious, and if it all backfired, she could claim that she misunderstood something and was sorry - most anyone would understand that. Why did Rose have to make so much sense? 

“Fuck.. fine. Okay, fine. I’ll talk to him.” 

Rose made an excited squeal, before grabbing her keys from the bowl by the door and shoving on a pair of sneakers. 

Rose opened the door and let Rey pass in front of her. The History building where his office was wasn’t that far from the dorms, but far enough for the idea of what they were actually doing to start to sink in. Rey’s pace slowed down with each step, until she just stopped walking completely once they were inside the building, standing just past the entrance, a staircase to their left, a bunch of coat racks to their right. It was deadly quiet there. 

“Don’t be like this Rey.” 

Rey made a quick glance at her phone, it was minutes until five o’clock. 

“What should I even say to him?” 

Rose paused again, rubbing her chin. “Okay, how about, I wish to have a piece of your giant man tit.” her face did not even flinch after saying that. 

Rey laughed, really, rubbing her eyes with a groan afterwards. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever even said man tit in my life.” 

“You just did.” Rose smiled encouragingly, a little proud for having made her say it out loud.

“Right, dear Ben Solo could I please stuff my face between your serious set of honkers?” Rey said, admittedly a bit louder than she meant to, but she was getting in the zone. “Your real set of badonkers.” 

“I appreciate the ‘please’ in there.” 

Rey’d never been quite so mortified, because she could swear the sound she just imagined in her head felt all too real, and simply too much like the man she’d just described.

“Rose is this happening?” Rey straightened her spine, not turning around. Rose just nodded with a hum, her knuckle finding its way to her teeth, where she bit down to it, probably hard enough to leave a mark. 

_I’m going to slaughter you_. Rey mouthed at her, before turning. 

“Hi, Mr Solo, I’m really sorry, I was just joking-” 

Rey’s sentence cut off when she saw Ben Solo’s friendly smile fall and his whole face change color. 

“Miss Johnson? What the.. what are you doing here?” he glanced around a little like he wasn’t sure if he himself was in the right place. 

Rey realised he hadn’t recognised her before. How could he have? She wasn’t facing him, and this was definitely a place he wouldn’t have expected to see her, talking about the divine ravine of his pecs. 

“I uh-” she drew a blank, just blinking up at him, getting distracted by the tweed jacket and pair of reading glasses that hung low on his nose, making him look like a legitimate professor. “Was… admiring the.. great architecture here. The designer supposedly had a- a real set of bad onkers.. it’s a disease that the Italian have, just the Italian, you probably haven’t heard about it- Rose?” 

“Yea it's a.. a tender condition.” Rose shook her head and backed up, snorting to herself. 

Rey was seriously going to tear her a new one. 

Ben Solo made a sound, almost like a choke at first, before he burst out laughing. 

“No, I haven’t heard of it.” he wiped the corner of his eye with the back of his hand, drawing in a deep breath. Rey liked how his cheeks etched deep with dimples when he laughed. 

Rey breathed in deep, her poker face betraying her as she shook her head. 

Ben Solo grinned and swayed a little back and forth in his footsteps. “Well.. I’ll leave you and your friend to it.” 

“Actually I was just leaving.” Rey shot a deadly glare at Rose, who showed her her tongue in return. 

“Oh, okay.” he held the door open to her and she followed close in his footsteps. It was starting to get a little dim outside. 

“I could walk you to your car? I’m just walking back to my apartment.” he offered after maybe five seconds of silence. 

“Sure, I’m parked next to the dorms.” 

They walked in silence, and Rey could feel the awkwardness in her bones - she tried to come up with something to say, but couldn’t. Not until she realised the one glaring thing that was missing. 

“Where’s Annie?” 

Ben Solo stirred a little, like Rey’d woken him from a trance.

“What? Oh- my mother picked her up a few hours ago. She’s at home. With her. I don’t let her be alone by herself just yet.” 

The silence continued until they were standing next to Rey’s old Volvo, and she was digging her key’s out of her pocket. 

“Well, thank you for walking me back, I appreciate the gesture..” she murmured, still uncomfortable with the whole situation, mostly because of herself. 

“Yea..” he ran a hand through his hair, clutching the messenger bag he had strapped over his shoulder. Much like hers, it looked worse for wear. 

Rey stuffed the key to the lock and opened the door, sliding to the seat.

“Miss Johnson”, Ben took a step closer to where she was sitting. “About- about what I thought I heard.. was there anything you wanted to tell me or ask me..?” 

Rey could feel the heat rising on her face for the second time already. She braced her hands on the steering wheel, taking in a deep breath. 

“Well actually”, she didn’t know where this courage was coming from, maybe because she was seated in a car and if the situation called for it, she could slam the door and drive until she reached Mexico. “Are you in a relationship at the moment?” 

She hated how the man blinked a little in his confusion. “Um.. no. No, I’m not.” 

Rey nodded, breathing in calmly through her nose, she stared directly out the car so she didn’t have to look at him. “Okay. That’s all.” 

“Why do you ask?” his tone was gentle and curious, not at all what she’d expected. 

“Just nosy.” 

“Right..” he ran his hand through his hair again, clearly something like a nervous habit to him. “Well, and this is just off the top of my head, but I’ve never heard of bad onkers, so if you wanted maybe you could tell me about them. Over a cup of coffee or something..” 

Rey hit her forehead on the steering wheel, cringing on herself. She couldn’t tell if he really didn’t know it wasn’t a real thing, or if he was messing with her. 

“Sure.. it’s a supple subject.” She wanted to bury herself. Maybe instead of driving home she’d just keep going until she hit the coast. 

Rey’s head shot up a second later, rewinding what he’d said to her. She’d sort of zoned out after bad onkers, but now that she thought about it, he’d clearly mentioned coffee. She turned to look at him, and though it was dim outside, his coy, sort of boyish smile was still there, his shoulders hunched a little forward, waiting for an acknowledgement of any kind.

A wide grin bloomed on her face. “That’s a promise Mr. Solo. And not the kind your daughter mentioned.” 

She waved at him as she drove off, driving for maybe a mile, before pulling aside to a bus stop, and taking her phone out of her pocket. 

**Rey 05:47pm**

OMG ROSE I THINK I HE JUST ASKED ME OUT, I’M NOT SURE

  
**Rose 05:49pm**

Yaas girl!! Get that academic dick!

**Rose 05:50pm**

And you know, his penis as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things starting to move forward, just a little :) Sorry to tell you now but it's gonna be a slow-ish burn. We'll see. I might change my mind like two days from now.


	5. Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, looking a bit into Ben's head.

Ben Solo threw himself on the stuffy brown sofa in their living room and groaned deep. 

“Long day?” Leia asked nonchalantly, sipping imaginary tea from a tiny porcelain cup. She sat across from Annie on the floor, the tea set propped between them. 

“Felt more like seven years..” Ben turned his head so he could see the two of them, but remained so that he could lay down on his stomach. His day hadn’t been awful in the traditional sense, but it had been colorful to say the least. 

First there had been the whole debacle with Annie's use of language, something he really needed to talk to his dad about, and then whatever the hell had just happened on campus. 

He couldn’t tell his mother that he’d basically asked Annie’s teacher out, not in front of Annie at least. He didn’t know why he’d done it - it hadn’t been something he’d planned on doing. It had felt like the natural conclusion. If she was anyone else, he probably would have asked her on a date already, but she was Annie’s teacher, and Ben didn’t know how he felt about that. And it wasn’t that he was actively looking for anyone, hell he wasn’t even sure if he liked Miss Johnson, Rey, that way. He just liked talking to another adult for a change. One that wasn’t his immediate family, student or coworker. 

“You need to tell dad to stop teaching Annie naughty words.” Ben finally said, because Leia kept looking at her in that way that she knew something was brewing in his head. 

“Naughty words? Ben, you curse like a sailor, you can’t blame everything on your father.”

“I’m not talking about curses, just inappropriate language.” 

Leia rolled her eyes, looking rather amused. “Is that why you’re brooding?”

“It’s a big part of it.” Ben sat up, rubbing his face. He could feel himself grow irritated. “Can you stay with her for a while longer, I need to shower.” 

“Sure.”

*

Ben kicked his clothes off in his bedroom before walking across the living room with a towel around his waist, locking inside the shower. 

For a moment he just stood there, staring at the mirror with his hands on the edge of the sink. They didn’t have a separate toilet, but since it was just him and Annie, it worked. 

May I please stuff my face between your serious set of honkers.

She’d definitely said that. Ben was absolutely sure of it, and he knew she’d panicked and babbled some nonsense about bad onkers. Ben knew for a fact that that wasn’t a thing, but he’d decided to humor her, rather than push it. 

He smoothed a hand over his pecs, flexing a little, then flashing an affirming smile at himself. He was pretty proud of his upper body. Sure, he didn’t have visible abs, or he did maybe two weeks a year, but his stomach was still toned to a certain extent and his chest and arms were highly defined. 

He told himself it was a pure chance that his mind floated to an image of Miss Johnson’s lovely face against his sternum, her teeth nipping at the skin there, before soothing the sting with kisses. 

Ben shook the thought as soon as it appeared. He shouldn’t degrade her like that, though it was tempting. Thinking about her like that had the possibility of ruining everything - well, not that there was much to ruin. Nothing at all, actually, but he wasn’t sure if he could look her in the eyes after. 

Ben stepped in the shower and turned it on freezing cold, standing there until he was sure no part of him would be making unwanted movement while he was locked in the bathroom. Besides he didn’t like the mental image of jerking off in the shower while his mom played with his kid in the living room. 

*

Leia left after Ben got dressed, black sweatpants and a hoodie to match, and started preparing dinner. 

Ben liked cooking, it was relaxing and not just because there was something therapeutic about getting to chop things with a knife. He’d had anger issues in his youth. He’d gone to therapy after finishing high school, out of his own free will, because he was sick and tired of not being in control of his own temper and not understanding why some things made him want to put his fist through a wall. Luckily he’d never been aggressive towards people, he’d never gotten the urge to hurt anyone, but Han and Leia had to replace his bedroom window eight times because he threw something out of it. Not to say he hadn’t broken his classmate’s nose in high school, but that had more to do with the fact that he called his friend a slur, than anything relating to his anger issues. 

Ben poured the chopped carrots, potatoes and onion in a pot of boiling water and watched the bubbles for a moment. He’d learned to be constructive about his temper. He exercised a lot, kept a diary, did the occasional meditation if he was feeling really stressed and knew things would start to boil over soon. More than for himself, he did those things for Annie. He didn’t want her to be scared or feel like Ben would ever be capable of hurting her - he wasn’t. But that’s why he was so self-conscious, and often felt guilty for what kind of tone he used with her. Abuse wasn’t always hitting someone, it was yelling or screaming or insulting them. He wasn’t sure where the line was between having to be strict and when it was just him blowing off fumes, which was why he wanted to avoid yelling all together - something he’d proven he wasn’t capable of. 

“Snickers, come help me set the table.” 

He hated seeing the little tendencies she’d already picked up from him be encouraged by Han. He didn’t want to see his daughter become the one who threw the first punch. 

“What are we eating?” Annie pitter-pattered to the kitchen. Her hair was a bit damp, Leia must have had her take a bath before he came home. It was good, one thing less to think about. 

“Chicken soup.” Ben handed her two soup bowls one at a time from the cabinet and watched her set them up on the small dining table. They didn’t live large, but they were comfortable. 

Annie sat quietly through dinner, even when Ben prompted her with a question. When they were done she lingered by the kitchen door. 

“Something on your mind, snickers?” Ben wiped his hands dry on a rag, before walking over and kneeling to not loom over her head like a monster. 

“Are you mad?” Annie’s hands dug to the hem of her shirt when she whispered out her question. Ben’s stomach fell through the floor. This was what he feared. Annie could sense his moods better than anyone he’d ever met, and it hurt him to see what it did to her. 

“Why do you think that?” 

“You have a crinkle on your brow.” Annie pressed a finger between his eyes. Ben swallowed, taking in a deep breath. 

“You know, maybe I am mad.” 

Annie seemed to shrink before her, right until Ben grinned at her. 

“Mad that I’ve been home for hours and you haven’t asked me to play yet.” His arms darted forward, tickling Annie from her sides. She squealed, excitedly jumping into the game. Her insecurity was gone and she was climbing Ben’s shoulders and laughing. 

Ben pretended to be tackled down, and let Annie pin him by his shoulders. 

“Got ya!” Annie sat on his chest, proud of her accomplishment. 

“Oh no, I’m defeated! What are your commands?” Ben gasped melodramatically. 

“Can we watch Cinderella? The one with people.” Annie tipped her head, her hair flopping from one side to the other. Ben had to smile. Of course she wanted to watch a princess movie. 

Ben made a quick check on the clock. It was already 6:45pm. If they started a movie now, it would go past Annie’s bedtime, on a school night. 

“Hmm.. Is there anything else? It’s getting late. We could watch it tomorrow.” 

Annie sighed. She wasn’t stupid, she probably knew the movie would be too long, but she tested the waters anyway. 

“Fine. Can we continue the tea party I had with grandma?” 

“Alright, but you need to teach me. I’ve never been to a tea party.”

“Miss Johnson told us about them. She’s British, and she said they sometimes have them there.” Annie stated proudly, and Ben nodded along. He wondered if Rey was actually born in Britain, or if her family was from there. 

Ben took the seat Leia had previously occupied and emerged into his role, straightening his spine and doing his best mock accent with his pinky out when he pinched the impossibly small porcelain cup between his thumb and index finger. 

“Ah yes darling this tea is absolutely delicious”, he posed a little. 

“I haven’t poured it yet, daddy.” 

His posture slumped a little. “Right..” 

Say what you will about gender roles, Ben loved playing with his daughter. Sometimes they played with dolls, sometimes with stuffed animals or Legos and sometimes they’d run around the house actually playing roles - Annie liked turning hide and seek into a police and a burglar sort of game. He felt most connected with her in those moments and it was also a way for him to relax and forget whatever was spinning in his mind for a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took longer to write than I expected, but hey here it is :D Mostly cuz I was taking forever to decide if I should have this chapter first, or the one coming next. Anyway, I felt like it was necessary to take a closer look at Ben and where he is at.


	6. Attack of the Karen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben breaks

It was school picture day and Rey was feeling good about herself. She wore skinny jeans and a white blouse tucked in at the waist, and a simple brown leather belt. She had done her hair in curls and put on just a little makeup, even though she usually didn’t wear any. 

Rey smiled when she saw that little Annie Solo had her hair open - Rey’d never seen it open, and somehow she looked even more like her father with how it was styled to curl a little at the shoulders. Somehow Rey knew in her heart exactly why her hair was open. Her hair was always on sort of asymmetrical pigtails, or just tied up. They were cute but seemed more practical than anything else. Now her hair was done in a way that it was meant to look good. Rey had to ponder if that was how Ben Solo did his own hair when he had an occasion for it. 

Not that the rest of her class looked any worse - Rey loved picture day because it was the one day a year when even the sloppiest parents wanted to put effort into what their kids wore. No one had spaghetti sauce on their shirt and everyone’s hair was combed and washed. Really that might have been the bare minimum of how you should take care of your child, but there were always the kids who came to school in the same shirt for a week straight and it wasn’t even a surprise anymore. 

All in all, Rey was having a pretty great day - if it wasn’t until the afternoon during pick up when she had to witness something she never would have expected. 

Rey trailed outside right behind the children, but she could already see Ben Solo’s black mop of a head from a distance. That wasn’t the surprising fact - it was the mother he was clearly facing off against. There wasn’t anything particularly surprising about Karen’s having a fit, but they usually didn’t bother other parents as much as the teachers. 

“Your daughter just cursed right at me!” 

Ah. Rey liked Annie, she really did, but the girl did have a tongue like no other 5 year-old she’d ever come across. 

Dede Jones’ mother, Rey couldn’t instantly remember her name, but she was a class A soccer mom with a blonde ponytail and one on the way, two, if the size of her belly was any indication, her only being on her second trimester. 

“Do you know what she said to me!?” 

“I really don’t.” so far Ben looked calmer than Rey would have thought. She was used to seeing him sort of fumbling around and sweet and a little shy. Now however, he was calm, and it wasn’t necessarily a good thing. His face was like a blank canvas which was ultimately more threatening than not. 

“She said the C-word, Mr Solo! I was standing here and she pointed and said look at that c-word! I don’t want my daughter exposed to language like that! And frankly I’m concerned about your parenting methods if your daughter hears that word used at home. We at the mother’s association are well aware that you’re.. solitary, so you have no excuse.” she looked at him up and down with judgement. Rey would have said something, if it wasn’t for the wide smile that spread on Ben Solo’s face in that moment. 

“I see.” he said, nodding kindly. “Let me guess… it’s Helen, isn’t it?” you could literally taste the spite in his words. 

“Susan, actually.” 

Rey couldn’t help the snort that escaped her. If Ben hadn’t picked up on what a Karen was, he sure as hell had picked up on the names. 

“Well, Susan.” Ben Solo took a step closer, and even though it shouldn’t have been possible, he managed to look even bigger than he already was. “You know what I’d like you to do? Concerning the.. earth shattering issue we’re facing?” 

“Do tell.” Susan, mother of Dede, did not budge an inch. She stood with the authority of a well-off white woman who was used to getting her way. 

“GO SEE IF I FUCKING CARE!” 

“Shit..” Rey sprinted across the remaining distance, sliding skillfully between the two with her arms spread. Susan looked like she was about to jump at Ben’s throat, while Ben looked like he might actually rip someone in half. 

“Alright! We’re not doing this here! Both of you knock it off right now!” Rey put all her authority in her voice, shooting a particularly nasty glare at Ben. 

“She’s the one who started harassing me!” he was gesturing wildly, while Susan was already typing on her phone. 

“I’m calling the police.” 

“What!?” Rey’s head flipped. 

“He aggressed me! I am feeling very unsafe with a violent giant like him walking around here.” Susan flipped her ponytail and Rey gritted her jaw. 

“Susan- I mean Mrs.. Jones, are you sure about this? There’s no need to get the police involved, right Ben? Krhm, Mr. Solo.” Rey was grasping for straws, her head turning between both sides. 

Ben ran a hand through his hair and paced a little. “Fucking little bitch..” he murmured under his breath, and Rey truly hoped Susan hadn’t heard. Luckily she didn’t say anything, so Rey assumed she hadn’t. 

“Mrs Jones”, he finally stopped, taking in a deep breath. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for and inappropriate of me. Could we not get the police involved?” 

Rey had to blink. With how angry he’d been a second ago she assumed he’d not take the high road, but apparently he did. Or at least his words were apologetic but his face remained in a nasty scowl. 

Susan huffed, her chin lifting so smugly that now Rey was the one who wanted to punch her. 

“And what about my daughter? How do you suppose the situation will be fixed?” 

Ben’s jaw gritted again, and Rey prepared for another outburst, but instead he held it in, though his fists were gritted on his sides. 

“I’ll have a word with my daughter. I’m sure the same won’t happen again.” 

“It better not. My husband’s on the city council.” 

Ben said nothing to that, just breathed in deep, while Rey lowered her stance. It seemed like the situation was just about over. 

Susan Jones took Dede by the arm and they left with what seemed like a victorious smirk on her face, while Ben stood still, rubbing his face. 

“Mr Solo, mind coming to my classroom for a moment?” Rey said, her face revealing nothing. The man looked to her, his expression dropping to something like regret while he nodded. After the bell rang Rey led him to the colorful room. Ben ushered Annie to stay outside and play while they had their talk. 

It felt strange seeing the hulk of a man in her classroom again. He walked around a little, not saying anything for a while. Rey sat behind her desk and waited, she had the feeling she didn’t need to ask anything, that the words would come on their own. 

Ben sighed. 

“I’m sorry..” he leaned against a desk on the front row, thick arms curling around his chest like he was holding himself. “I- I snapped.” 

“I thought you agreed that Annie has some.. interesting vocabulary in her.” 

“Yes but I don’t want freaking Susan Jones pointing it out.” there was no remorse in his tone. He was looking at Rey again, and she couldn’t quite determine what his expression was supposed to be. A deeply conflicted mix of many things. Guilt, anger, worry. 

“I uh.. I don’t respond well to conflict..” understatement of the year. 

“I noticed”, the corner of Rey’s mouth twitched a little. When there was no response from him however, it faded. He clearly wasn’t in the mood for humor. Rey got up from her seat behind her desk, walking to stand a few feet in front of him. 

“Mr Solo.. Ben, is there anything you’d like to tell me? Honestly you look.. really tired if you ask me.” 

There wasn’t an immediate answer, but Ben’s head tipped so that he was looking at the floor, his shoulders trembling just a little. 

“I don’t know..” he shook his head, looking back up. He looked like a puppy with his brows hitched lightly. Rey didn’t know what it was that compelled her to take that one step forward, to place her hand over his fingers currently holding his forearm. 

“You can talk to me. If you ever feel like you need someone to listen.” she dared a little squeeze over his hand when he didn’t immediately pull away from her touch. “Not just about Annie, about anything.” 

Ben huffed a little. Rey was glad that she didn’t have to imagine the little smirk on his lips as he shook his head, tendrils of black hair falling on either side of his face. “About bad onkers?” 

“Yes of course if that’s-” Rey began her answer automatically, before her jaw dropped and cheeks flamed red. “Oh shut up.” she withdrew her hand. 

The man opposite her laughed a little. “You said anything.” 

“Yes, but I doubt that would be an interesting subject for you.” 

“On the contrary I’m always curious about Italian based illnesses.” all that was missing from that sentence was a wink. 

Rey turned, shaking her head. “You’re free to go. Don’t get into another screaming match on school property and we’re cool.” 

“Good to know.” Ben Solo got up from where he was leaning against the desk, trailing slowly towards the door. “About that..” he turned around at the last second again. “Any chance for a phone number? You know. In regards to that whole talking thing.” 

And there was the man Rey already knew she was growing fond of. A little shy, a little awkward but charming in his own way. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  
  


“Where are we going?” Annie asked when they climbed on the bus instead of walking to their apartment building. 

“To grandma and grandpa. I need to talk to them.” 

“About what?” 

“About what they teach you”, Ben was staring right ahead, his first clenching and unclenching on his thighs. He stopped when he felt Annie grip his wrist with two hands that were much smaller compared to his. 

She flipped his palm open and trailed the lines there, her head panned down. 

“Are you going to fight..?” she sounded quiet. 

“No.. No. I just..”

“I don’t like it when you yell.” she murmured, and Ben’s chest ached. He enveloped her hand in his. 

“No one is yelling.” 

Annie said nothing after that, just drew herself to Ben’s side. He stared out the window the rest of the way. The day just couldn’t be getting any worse, but this was something he had to do. He’d pushed off talking to his parents about Annie for months now, and the situation was getting out of hand. 

  
  
  
  


“Benny, we weren’t expecting you today.” Leia Organa-Solo’s eyes widened when she answered the doorbell. 

“We need to talk.” he walked inside, pushing Annie before him. 

Leia walked to the living room, returning to the ball of yarn she was knitting. 

“Talk about what?” 

“What you’ve been teaching Annie. It ends, now. I mean it. Some lady just barked at my face today because apparently Annie said the c-word, and her daughter copied it. I don’t use the c-word, mom! It had to come from here!” 

Leia snorted, a fond sort of grin spreading on her cheeks. “Sounds like Han.” 

“That’s it!?” Ben marched after her, arms flailing through the air. “He can’t talk like that in front of her!” he was doing well breaking his promise of not yelling. 

“Oh like that girl hasn’t heard every dirty word in the world come out of your mouth.” Leia rolled her eyes. “She doesn’t even know what it means.” 

“And dad has been giving her all this fucking advice as well. She kicked someone a while back! And once again, I’m the asshole!” he paced along the living room, his voice speeding up by the second “You can’t just teach her all these things and not even tell me! And- and then I have to be embarrassed and sorry because of course people think I taught her! And they think that I can’t raise a kid by myself and- and someone will file a complaint and social services will take her and-” 

Ben sucked in a deep breath when a warm hand pressed to his shoulder. 

“Kid, that’s quite enough.” Han’s tone was calm, but firm. 

Ben spun his head around to see Han holding Annie. She was covering her ears, looking scared with how she curled against her grandpa’s chest. She must have gone to get him. 

Ben’s jaw dropped open. 

“I’m so sorry snickers, I said I wouldn’t yell.. “ he crumbled, taking Annie from Han’s arms to hug her tightly. “I’m sorry.” he bounced her up and down a little, his face ducking to her shoulder. 

“I’m just so tired..” Ben’s voice cracked and he sunk to sit on the floor, Annie standing between his bent up knees. “So fucking tired…”

Han and Leia exchanged meaningful looks. They knew Ben had been running on fumes for the past months, but they hadn’t expected him to have an actual meltdown. He’d been exhausted before, but somehow he’d always bounced back like nothing had happened. This time, it seemed that that wasn’t going to be the case. 

Leia got up from the sofa, pressing her palm between Ben’s shoulder blades. 

“Sweetheart, it’s okay to ask for our help.” she patted up and down her son’s back. “You’re doing a two person job by yourself.” 

“And no one is taking your kid away. You’re doing such a great job, believe me.” Han joined in. “And even if they did they’d just hand her to us and-” Leia smacked Han on the arm, hard. Her point was duly noted. 

“I’m being torn apart..” Ben huffed to Annie’s shoulder. “I don’t know if I have the strength to do this.” 

“You do”, Han said quietly, lovingly stroking Ben’s head. 

“Why are you tired?” It was Annie who spoke out, her tiny arms curling around Ben’s neck. The man shivered like a leaf, gasping in air to his lungs before lifting his head from Annie’s shoulder. He didn’t have an answer. 

“I think I’m stressed. Things are changing and.. Well I don’t really know how to handle that.”

“What is stress?” Annie looked at all three grownups in the room. 

“Oh snickers, daddy means he’s feeling a lot of pressure.” Leia provided, petting her head. 

“Miss Johnson says we shouldn’t give into peer pressure. Daddy are you being bullied?” 

That managed to get a lopsided smile on Ben’s face. 

“Today Dede’s mom bullied me. You’d said some nasty word to Dede and her mother yelled at me.” 

Annie looked confused. “What did I say?”

Ben groaned. He cursed all the time, but somehow his ears still bloomed a little when he murmured out the word. 

“Cunt.” 

Han barked out a laugh. 

“Dede said her dad says it’s another word for pussy. But cat also starts with c and we’re allowed to say that. So I don’t understand why we can’t say the other one. I was playing with Dede and I saw a cat across the street.” 

The adults listened with great interest, as if she was spilling some real knowledge. 

“Snickers, that’s not what it means.” Ben rubbed the bridge of his nose. “It’s a bad word. A really bad. You shouldn’t say it.” 

“What does it mean?” 

“Well..” Ben was looking to his parents for an out, but there was no such mercy from Han or Leia. “It’s.. it’s a word for a girl’s bathing suit parts. A really bad word for it. It’s mean and hurtful.” 

Annie nodded thoughtfully, like she was really taking in the knowledge. 

“So I shouldn’t say it?” 

“No, you shouldn’t.” 

Annie bit her lips. It looked like she understood. 

“I’m sorry I yelled again..” Ben felt his chin start to tremble. He’d been yelling more lately. It was more and more easy to get on his nerves, and every time it was easier to raise his voice. That was not something he wanted, not at all. 

“It’s okay.” Annie pressed her little palm on his cheeks and pressed her forehead to his. “I’m cranky when I’m tired too.” 

Ben sniffed and hugged Annie to his chest before climbing up from the floor. Annie squiggled back to the floor. 

“Sweetie why don’t you go do some coloring for a minute..” Leia ushered her and Annie left without further complaint. That gave Leia an opportunity to look back at Ben, very seriously that time. 

“You too..” he looked between his parents. “I’m sorry for barging in like that.. and for yelling and.. all of it.” 

“Benny we know how it is with you.” Leia stepped closer, squeezing her son’s arm. “We know it’s difficult not to. But you’ve worked so hard on yourself, and it can’t have been easy.” 

“I wish I could do better.” 

“What your mother is saying, it’s normal to be overwhelmed, especially for you. Having those feelings isn’t a failure. Neither is blowing off some steam.” Han’s hand was on his opposite arm. Ben had to swallow to not break down again. 

“When was the last time you went out, loosened up a little?” 

“I don’t remember..” he did actually, it was last year his friend's bachelor party and he’d had an awful time. 

“Well, this weekend you’re leaving the kid here, and going out. Invite a friend, go dancing or whatever young people do these days.” Han grinned, knowing fully well that Ben hated dancing more than he hated crowds and loud music or anything generally associated with going out. Ben’s idea of a good night was him going to the gym, working out so hard he felt like puking, soaking in a hot tub until his muscles stopped hurting, a good meal, some lighthearted conversation and a nice fucking afterwards. Three out of those five things he could pull off easily, but it felt like forever since he’d had an actual conversation and even longer since he’d last gotten any. 

“Thank you.. really, I mean it. I know I don’t say it enough.” 

“Don’t get all sappy on me, kid. Go.” Han ruffled his head and smirked. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Ben laid in bed that night, it was minutes until midnight. He couldn’t sleep, because he was still in his head, thinking about what his father had said about going out, and then his list of things he’d like to do. Mostly about the last two things, because they were the bridge he had to cross. 

He was scrolling on his phone, through his facebook page when a notification popped up. 

_You might know this person: Rey Johnson. Send friend request?_

Ben stared at the profile picture for a long time. She was smiling in it, looking less official than she did at work. She looked more like what she had when they’d met on campus. Thinking back on it, he had sort of asked her out already, hadn’t he? 

With the courage from that he got out her number and formed a text. 

  
  


**Ben Solo 11:57pm**

Hi, this is Ben Solo. I know it’s late and I’m sorry if this wakes you up, but if you’d like to have coffee this Saturday I’d be happy to take you. 

**Rey Johnson 00:01am**

If by coffee you mean tequila then yes. 

**Ben Solo 00:05am**

Oh.. I’m sorry, I don’t know about that..

**Rey Johnson 00:05am**

That was a joke, sorry, I’m an idiot. Coffee sounds nice. Can we work out the details later, I’m half asleep right now. Might say some other stupid thing. 

  
  


**Ben Solo 00:06am**

Wow, okay. No I’m the idiot. Anyway. Thanks. I’ll text you in the morning. 

  
  


**Rey Johnson 00:07am**

Not if I text you first. 

  
  


Ben drew in a deep breath, his phone pressed to his chest and a tingly sensation in his stomach. A smile dared to break out on his face. 

Seconds later, the tingly sensation traveled lower, past his belly button and to his crotch, causing his dick to nudge like a meerkat looking out of its hole. 

“Oh shut up.” Ben murmured, putting his phone on the nightstand and curling on his side, the blanket drawn up to his ears. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this was difficult to write for reasons I don't know. I don't know how to write slow burn, I think that's the thing. Either way, I'm happy with how this turned out :)


	7. Fat-Blaster Super 700

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a day off 
> 
> Warning: brief mention of death.

Ben woke up early on Saturday, feeling unnecessarily jittery. Han had picked up Annie yesterday, and Ben truly couldn’t believe he had the entire day for himself, until they’d bring Annie back on Sunday. 

He started it by checking his phone, going right to his messages to repeat to himself the conversation he’d had a couple days ago with Miss Johnson, Rey, as she’s asked him to call her the following day when they briefly crossed on the school yard - just to be sure that he wasn’t imagining things, and he actually, actually had a date. 

But no, each morning he checked it, just to be absolutely sure, and the chain remained the same. 

  
  


**Rey Johnson 9:32am**

So I’ve had a full night of sleep, and I really am sorry for that tequila comment. If you still want to, I think coffee sounds great :) 

**Ben Solo 9:40am**

I think that would be nice. Does Saturday work for you? 

**Rey Johnson 9:41am**

Yes, just give me the time and a place and I’ll be there. 

**Ben Solo 9:43am**

Do you know Cantina on main street? Around 4pm? 

**Rey Johnson 9:44am**

It just so happens to be my favourite coffee shop. And yes, that time works. I’ll see you there then? 

**Ben Solo 9:45am**

Great. 

**Ben Solo 9:55am**

Actually, just so there isn’t confusion, this would be a date. Not just.. to hangout or whatever people with social lives do. 

  
  


Ben’s heart had beat heavy as a drum after sending that message. There was always the possibility that there was some misunderstanding and Rey had thought he wanted to talk about Annie’s school work or something along those lines. 

**Rey Johnson 9:58am**

I’d be disappointed if it wasn’t.

So there wasn’t any confusion, and now Ben’s chest was clenching for a whole new reason. 

**Ben Solo 9:58am**

Okay. Good.

  
  
  


Ben laid there in his bed, staring at the ceiling and smiling to himself. 

He reached over to his nightstand to check his sleep recorder, but aside from the occasional grunts and shifting of sheets, there was nothing. 

He’d had to buy an alarm clock with a recording feature because of his sleep. Ben feared that he was snoring, but when he asked Annie about it she didn’t know. So, now he had that on his nightstand to record any sounds he made in his sleep. It was set to start at midnight and react to voice, but aside from grumbling and some mild sleep talking and even the occasional moan, there was nothing worrying there. 

He played back the recordings from a few nights, but they were mostly quiet as well. He put it down and switched back to his phone a second time, typing out a message. 

**Ben Solo 6:14am**

Hey, I just wanted to make sure today was still good?

When there was no sign that an answer would come immediately, he abandoned his phone on the bed and got up. It was Saturday after all and Rey was in all likelihood still sleeping. Ben was a morning person, which felt impossible, but it was true. He was usually up at dawn, but that resulted in him getting tired at 10pm, when some people weren’t even home at that point. 

He headed to the kitchen for a glass of water, walking barefoot to the fridge and pulling out a cold water bottle, he swigged down half of it, before doing the rest of his morning routine - bathroom, brushing his teeth, combing his hair and changing into his running clothes. He’d go for a jog and have breakfast after that. 

His plan for that day was clear - go for a jog, have breakfast, go to the gym, soak in a bath with a book, eat a quick lunch, go have coffee with Rey, come home, eat dinner, have a larger than usual amount of whiskey and then he had an unopened silicone egg thing waiting in his drawer - he’d seen it on the Internet and was curious. He really had everything set up. 

He was tightening his sneakers when his phone buzzed. 

**Rey Johnson 6:31am**

Yea, it’s still good

**Rey Johnson 6:31am**

You’re up early

**Ben Solo 6:32am**

I’m an early bird. 

**Rey Johnson 6:32am**

Me too. My friends don’t get it, but I’m more productive in the mornings

**Ben Solo 6:33am**

Exactly

**Rey Johnson 6:34am**

Weirdos. I’ll see you later ;) 

**Ben Solo 6:34am**

See you then. 

**Ben Solo 6:34am**

:) 

  
  


He instantly regretted sending the smiley face, but he’d already sent it, and there was nothing he could do after seeing that she’d read it. His stomach twisted uncomfortably, but he sucked it up, tucking his phone in the pocket of his running shorts and went out. 

Most people liked listening to music while running, but Ben actually liked the sound of his own pulse beating in his ears, the huff of his breath and the slap of his sneakers against the street. 

Alderaan was such a different city in the mornings - the air was almost fresh, when the traffic fumes hadn’t gotten to the level it got during the day. The weather was chilly, but it never got that cold in Alderaan, they were lucky to see a bit of snow in the middle of the winter, but in November there was no such luxury. 

Ben still didn’t actually enjoy running, but he knew it was a part of a balanced workout routine, so he did his usual mile and sprinted up the steps to the fourth floor where his apartment was, feeling like his lungs would burst into flames. 

Still in his running clothes, the baggy shorts and a technical t-shirt, he made a simple breakfast. Whole wheat toast with a side of fruit. He was planning on having a rare cooked steak for dinner, so he might as well start the day off with something healthy. 

  
  
  


***

  
  


By the time it was 11am, Ben sunk to the bottom of the tub he’d filled for himself, every muscle aching from the strain. He usually didn’t take baths because they were too time consuming, and instead opted to shower, but today he had the occasion for it. 

He could already feel some of the heaviness on his shoulders ease up. An important reminder to give himself time. It was easy for him to forget that even if his world revolved around Annie, he needed to pay mind to his own needs. If he neglected himself long enough there were bound to be more breakdowns. 

During the past five years Ben could count the days in which he’d actually stopped worrying and done something just for himself, and half submerged in the tub then, it felt a little sad. Annie was growing up, bound to become more independent by the day, and Ben had no choice but to grow up alongside her. It made him realise that maybe he really had ignored himself too much, he had no clue who he was anymore outside of being “Annie’s dad.” He was a doctor, he was a professor, he was a single dad, but those were all titles you could chuck at him and they’d stick but none of them gave a real idea of who he was, as a person or as a human being. Maybe it was about time to start figuring out what that was, before Annie was all grown up and didn’t need him anymore; He knew when the day would come it would be terrifying, because he’d still definitely need her. 

He soaked in the hot water until he was feeling lightheaded and had to crawl his way out and onto the tiles so he wouldn’t fall and hit his head. The cold floor was a hard contrast to the water that left his skin pink from the heat, but he found that he liked it. He sat there again for a while, allowing the cold tiles to soothe his dizziness before getting up and scrubbing his hair and showing his armpits the razor. Ben had never really gotten much body hair, which he counted as a blessing, though it was a little embarrassing as a teenager when his peers in the locker room sometimes reminded him of gorillas and he remained unforgivably hairless. Thinking back on it, it was clear that teenage boys were quite possibly the most stupid creatures that walked the earth, but back then chest hair was the biggest most obvious scope of manliness. Ben even remembered asking Han, after one particularly hard day, when would he be getting chest hair and then getting laughed at. Han was a great dad on some spectrum but discretion was not his cup of tea. 

He still did the occasional trimming to feel good about himself but if he skipped a week or a month here and there, it didn’t make much of a difference. 

Ben let his hair air dry while he made himself an omelet for lunch, ate it while paging through a book on biblical era Hebrew, because he was the type of person who read academic texts for fun, and perhaps that was the reason why he could count his friends with one hand. 

He put on his most comfortable pair of black jeans and a dark blue button up, he wanted to look sharp but not like he was overdoing it. 

It was only 1pm, so he still had time to kill, but he hadn’t counted on not having anything to do. It was a strange, hollow feeling of being inside an empty house and realising that he had absolutely nothing to do. After staring at the living room for a moment he decided to leave early and browse the shops because the walls were starting to sink in. 

“Annie, come o-” Ben had the door to the hall open when he caught himself, and it might have strung even harder than anything else. 

  
  


***

  
  


Turned out that three hours went by a lot faster than he imagined, and at 3:55pm he was sitting at a corner table in the Cantina, spinning a half empty coffee mug in his hand. He’d get a second one, maybe a third one after that, because if there was one thing he couldn’t have enough was caffeine. 

The Cantina had to be one of the most popular coffee shops in town, which was strange considering that it was privately owned and not a chain location. It had been there as long as Ben could remember and even his parents told stories about going to the Cantina when they were young and dashing. 

It was Saturday so of course the place was more or less packed, which normally would have made Ben uncomfortable but this time it worked to his advantage, because he wasn’t too self-conscious, drowning in the crowd. 

He tried to keep an eye on the door, but he turned down to look at his phone for a split second and someone cleared their throat next to the table. 

“This seat taken?” 

Ben’s head shot up, and even though he knew he’d be seeing Rey today it was still sort of hard to believe. A part of him was expecting to get stood up. But no, there she was and she had her hair up in a curious three bun style, jeans and a knitted sweater with a high collar. 

“Hi”, Ben’s lips quirked to a smile before he could try and stop it, then immediately nodded his head. “I mean, no it’s free- have a seat.” 

Miss Johnson chuckled a little before throwing her purse on the backrest of the seat and sitting down. 

“You ordered already”, she nodded to his cup.

“Oh- yea I got here early.. Like thirty minutes ago. I was bored.” 

“Bored?” she picked up her wallet from her purse, placing it on the table. 

“Yea, I had nothing to do at home so I came to the center but there are only so many bookstores you can go around so I came to just sit.. It’s my first day off in a while. I mean completely off, Annie is with my parents so..” he ran a hand through his hair, knowing that he was rambling but unable to stop it. 

“How long is a while?” 

Ben bit his lips, evading her eyes. “A year or so..” 

“Jesus Christ”, Rey’s brows shot up her forehead. “So you must have plans for today?” 

Ben nodded, telling her about his morning, and what he planned for the evening. 

“I can’t really drink when Annie’s at home so I already know I’ll be having a glass of whiskey and then-” his mouth snapped shut. He couldn’t just say “masturbate until I weigh two pounds less”, even if that was the plan. 

“You know- let that null me to sleep.” he covered it up, but the shit eating grin on Rey’s face told him that he might not have gotten away with it. 

“I see. Well I’ll be getting my coffee now, do I bring you something?”

“I’ll just get a refill on this.” he stood, leaving his jacket to guard their seats.

Rey got to the counter first, ordering some really special sounding coffee that came in a tall, see through glass with syrup stripes and cream on top. Honestly, it looked delicious but Ben had already decided on his black coffee with brown sugar and that’s what he was going to stick with. 

Rey also got a filled croissant, and because Ben didn’t want to be the only one not eating he got a chocolate chip cookie the size of his palm, and the two returned to the small corner table. 

“So I’ve been meaning to ask, and you don’t have to answer, but.. Annie’s mom?” she looked apologetic even asking, and Ben understood. People were curious, but the rare few actually dared to ask. Ben admitted he liked direct questions more than whispering and speculation, and Rey’d already proved before that she wasn’t one to shy around. 

“There isn’t much of a story there. She passed.” Ben had told the story a thousand times, grieved and wallowed and now he was long done being sad about it. Still, his fingers tightened around the ear of his mug. 

“We weren’t married or anything like that. Actually we’d only been dating for around two months when she got pregnant. She gave birth, everything was fine, we got home to our apartment at the time and a week later she was..” there wasn’t a need to finish that sentence. His eyes lingered outside, not really able to look at Rey, a little scared of what her reaction could be. “It was from natural causes. Brain aneurysm. She was already gone when I found her that morning… “ 

Ben hadn’t realised his fist was clenched over the table until he felt a soft touch against his tight knuckles. His head twisted over and Rey’s tender fingers pressed over his fist and she was offering him a genuinely sad smile. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you. But I’m okay, I’m done crying about it.” Ben shook his head, but didn’t pull away from her touch. “You know it’s weird.. I- I sometimes forget. I don’t have any pictures of her, nothing that reminds me of her, not even in Annie. Maybe that’s because she never really knew her but still.. Or maybe I’m just deranged somehow.. “ he puffed a little, head tipping to the side, meeting Rey’s gentle hazel eyes, locked on him. 

“I cried a lot back then, and I thought I’d never stop but then it just.. Faded. I guess. Now I don’t really think about it anymore.” 

“Do you think you’d still be with her today?” 

“No.” That he could say for certain. “If it weren’t for the baby, I doubt we’d lasted even that long. I liked her okay but it wasn’t..” Ben wasn’t sure why he felt shy around the word. “It just wasn’t meant to last.” 

Rey’s eyes remained on him the whole time.and it was strange to feel like he was actually being listened to. 

“Does Annie ask about her?” 

“She knows the basics. She knows her mom is dead, I’ve brought her to the cemetery a few times, but she doesn’t question it. I don’t think she fully understands yet.” Ben ran his hand through his hair. “Honestly if she ever does start asking questions.. I don’t know. It’s a weird subject for me.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m just trying to better understand your situation-” Rey backed, her fingers curling away from his fist, making him instantly miss her touch. 

“No, Rey, it’s fine. And you should know all this, you should. Not just as-” he cleared his throat “-As my date but as Annie’s teacher.” 

He dared a smile in her direction, and she returned it warmly. 

“I’m glad you told me.” 

“Me too.” Ben took his coffee and drank a mouthful, his head tilting now, curiously. 

“But I have an important question as well.” 

“Oh really? Shoot.” Rey took a giant bite of her stuffed croissant and some mayonnaise dripped down her chin. Ben’s eyed glued to it, before she could wipe it on a napkin. It took a few seconds for Ben to rip his eyes off of her chin and shake himself back to reality. 

“Your accent.” 

“I’m British.” she looked like it was plain as day. 

Ben chuckled, nodding. “Yea, I noticed. When did you move to the states?”

“Hmm six years ago?” her lips puckered up a little. “I grew up in London, in the foster care system actually. I aged out but I knew a few people here, so I took a chance. Got to university, graduated and now I’m here on a work visa.” It felt like she was rushing through her background, and Ben was polite enough to not push. She’d tell him more if she ever wanted to. 

“Another thing I’ve been meaning to ask, how old are you?” Ben didn’t know why his heart was suddenly thumping. 

“Twenty-six”, her head panned down a bit and Ben could see her cheeks change colors. “Is that a problem?” 

“No. No, definitely not-” Ben had never been quite so relieved, actually. Six years. There were six years between them. It wasn’t even that much. 

“I was a little worried you’d say something like twenty-one. Not that it would be a problem for me. I mean it would- I’m not a creep, I just- I’m old. I feel old.” 

“You feel old?” her eyebrows twitched up, like she was amused. 

“I read Hebrew for fun today.” 

“Ben, you’re definitely not old. You’re like the youngest professor on campus.” 

“How do you know that?”

“Rose Tico. She’s my best friend and actually a history major. I have a couple of other friends there too but I don’t know if you teach them.” Rey shrugged, while Ben was squinting. She could almost see his brain working. 

“I’ve never heard that name in my life. But that doesn’t mean anything, I teach hundreds of people and I only recognise like two of them.” he then came to a conclusion, making Rey laugh. She hadn’t expected him to remember her. 

“She was the one with me when we met in the history building.” 

“Honestly you could have been there with a wacky waving inflatable tube man and I wouldn’t have noticed.” He laughed at his own joke, shaking his head. “I just saw you.” 

Ben didn’t even realise what he said, not before Rey’s eyebrows shot through the ceiling and her face turned red. Ben’s smile faded, and his shoulders caved in. 

“Not in a weird way- I mean- you caught my attention, no- fuck I’m so bad at this..” he hid his face in one palm, feeling like he wanted to sink through the floor. 

“Hey it’s okay”, Rey was chuckling a bit, flashing a warm smile in his direction. “I know what you mean.” 

“Don’t pity me.” 

“I don’t. Ben. Seriously, I’ve been doing pick-up duty for the whole semester because I wanted to see you for a minute per day. If anything I’m the weird one.” her cheeks were a pretty shape of pink, lower lip worried between her teeth like she had genuine concern for how he’d react. 

“Really? I thought the school was just really understaffed.” Ben was surprised, but not unpleasantly. It actually made him feel a lot less like a puppy running after a kind spirit. 

“No, you just have a fan.” 

“That’s a first.” Ben’s lopsided smile was back and he did the bold move of leaning his elbows on the table and making heavy eye contact. 

“I have one more important question.”

“Hm?” Rey was back to eating her croissant while Ben’s massive cookie remained untouched on a napkin. 

“What exactly are bad onkers?” 

“Oh Jesus- Ben- I really can’t tell if you know or if you don’t and-” she sucked in a deep breath. “I was talking about your pecs.”

“I know what badonkers are, Rey. What are bad onkers? And what is a good onker then?” he was grinning now, and Rey was back on track. A little embarrassed about admitting to talking about his chest muscles but she realised what he was doing. 

“Well since you asked, bad onkers were first noticed in the Italian in 1765, by doctor Pierre..” her eyes wandered around the room, catching on a home renovation magazine on the table next over. “Jacuzzi. Jacuzzi dedicated his career to the study of bad onkers. He concluded that they are fatal on the long term and Jacuzzi himself died of bad onkers in 1789. It was common in architects especially because of the ink they’d use in their drawings at the time.” 

Ben nodded along, looking genuinely fascinated by her fake history lesson. Rey continued on for a good while before eventually her poker face cracked and she had to laugh for a minute. 

“Well that sure was educational.” Ben smiled, chuckling along with her. 

Rey grinned, her eyes darting to the cookie still waiting next to his empty coffee mug. 

“Are you seriously not going to eat that? It’s been sitting there for an hour and it’s driving me crazy.” 

“Oh.” Ben glanced between the cookie and Rey. “Do you want half?” he picked it up, snapping it neatly in two. 

“Just so you know, if you feed me, I’ll cling to you for life.” Rey commented before snagging the other half of the most delicious looking home baked cookie she’d ever laid eyes on. 

“I don’t see the problem.” 

Their eyes met over the table, and for a split second neither of them said a word, just breathing in the tension that was forming. 

Ben’s heart was beating like a little drum in his chest. In a way he’d known he felt a connection with Rey, from the very beginning, but it was proving to be something way more than he’d dared to imagine. The biggest surprise being that he could swear she felt it too. 

“Ben I-” her hand was halfway sliding over the table when both their attention got snatched by a high pitched squeal. 

“DADDY!” 

Ben didn’t even realise he was being tackled until Annie was already attached to his torso with all four limbs strapped around him like a sloth. 

“Snickers- what are you doing here?” Ben hugged her back, while his eyes raked the room, and soon enough he saw Leia’s greying head peak from the crowd. 

“We came to get baked goods.” Annie was grinning excitedly, her gaze now drawing to Rey. She was smiling fondly, watching their interaction. 

“Miss Johnson?” 

“Hi Annie.” she waved a hand, and Annie’s head turned back to Ben. 

“Why are you meeting Miss Johnson?” 

This was why Ben never told Annie if he had a date. Well, not that he had dates, but still. 

“Oh.. Um- we.. Ran into each other.” he flashed an apologetic look to Rey, hoping she’d understand. She nodded, making Ben think it was okay to tell a little white lie for now. 

“Annie don’t sprint like that- Benjamin?” Leia pushed her way to their table, looking concerned, until her face cleared with surprise. Ben could see her eyes darting between them, from Ben to Annie to Rey and then back to Ben again. She raised a brow, and Ben shook his head. _Don’t say anything_ being the takeaway message of their wordless conversation. 

“Hi, is she behaving?” 

“Very nicely.” Leia nodded. 

“Grandpa taught me to play poker!” 

Ben nearly groaned out loud. Nearly. He managed to hold it in for the sake of being in public, and just hummed tightly. 

“Is that so”, he looked at Leia again, who just puffed a little. 

“Come on sweetie, let’s leave daddy and his friend alone.” Leia prompted, and Annie climbed off of Ben’s lap. 

“Snickers, wait”, Ben rushed, taking his half of the cookie and giving it to Annie. “Be good.” 

“Bye daddy!” 

“Bye.” 

Ben wasn’t sure how it was possible to feel both relief and ache at the same time. He was relieved he didn’t have to deal with the situation any longer, but his eyes kept going back to Annie and Leia on the counter and just wanting to pick his little girl up and go home. He missed her, that must have been it, which was ridiculous, it not being even a full 24 hours of separation yet.

“Here.” 

Ben jerked back from his zoning out, to see Rey offering him half of the half cookie he gave her. He smiled, taking it and stuffing it in his mouth. 

“Thank you. And sorry about that, I didn’t know they’d-” 

“Don’t worry about it. I like seeing you with Annie. I rarely see such devotion in a child. You really are her everything.” 

Ben just smiled at that. It made him think that maybe he had done something right after all. 

***

All in all Ben’s night went as planned. They ended their date soon after that, Ben walking Rey to her car. There was no kissing or hugging but it didn’t feel like a failed date by any sense of the word. He had his fancy steak dinner and he had poured through four fingers of whiskey already, instead of the usual one or two, and was now at the point where he was getting to that warm and happy sweet spot in his own alcohol consumption. Not too little, definitely not too much. 

They were selling exercise bikes on the shopping channel. By the time the host got to the third “and that’s not all”, the image of a woman in yoga pants grinding on a bike seat “feeling the burn” had been tattooed on Ben Solo’s eyeballs. 

The fact was that Ben was horny, but that was not why he’d turned on the TV. That had more to do with combating the silence in the apartment at the moment. Usually Ben liked silence, but that was because it was truly silent only at night. Now the house had been quiet all day and he absolutely hated the void like feeling it gave him. 

The shopping channel wasn’t his idea. Besides, they had to be zooming on the commercial actresses crotch on purpose because it had more screen time than the actual product. 

So really, it was the shopping channels fault when his hand slipped under the waistband of his sweatpants and stroked lazily up and down his stiffening cock. 

He soon scooted the pants down to his ankles and relaxed further on his bed, reaching for his nightstand for the little gift he’d gotten himself. He’d found it on the Internet one sleepless night and it looked interesting enough - it looked like an egg, but when he opened it it was soft and stretchy and came with lube to pour on the textured inside. Ben had a fleshlight, but it was one of those smaller, more discrete ones, tucked deep inside his sock drawer. When you had a 5-year-old running around you didn’t want her to find that and have her tossing it around in the living room. 

He took the toy in hand, slowly sliding it over the head of his cock, gripping himself almost too tightly. He wasn’t about to play gentle, he wanted to be done - no amount of whiskey ever made him fall asleep as fast as an orgasm. 

“With Fat-Blaster Super 700, you too can lose weight from the comfort of your own home!” the woman on the bike said in an obnoxiously enthusiastic voice. “If you order now, we’ll throw in two gel paddings for the seat, for just 25,95 more!” 

The camera focused on the front of her yoga pants again, and Ben was breathing more heavily already. The toy warmed up in his hand and the textured inside massaged his sensitive head making him groan. He could feel his balls drawing tighter and the muscles on his lower stomach tensing as pressure built. This wasn’t going to last very long. 

“Cheryl, do you feel the burn?” Now there were two actresses on screen, gyrating on bikes like they were paid to do it in the most sensual way possible - which Ben was sure they were. 

“Why yes, Amanda, I do feel the burn! With Fat-Blaster Super 700, you can too! For the low, low price of 499,95!” 

“Wow, what a steal!” 

Ben reached his other hand down as well to mold his balls in his fist while he pumped himself, the silicone stretching well down his shaft, making his skin prickle and the head of his weeping cock tingle with the stimulation. It had probably been a little too long since he’d last done this - he found himself so distracted that something simple like giving himself some private time rarely crossed his mind anymore. 

He closed his eyes and moaned, his cock twitching in hand as he came inside the toy. 

“Order Fat-Blaster Super 700 now!” 

Ben really thought he should have felt worse about jerking off to the tune of an infomercial, but he didn’t. He carefully removed the toy but couldn’t help but hiss when the nubs inside caressed his over-sensitive skin. Cum poured out of it and over his abdomen. For a moment he looked at it and grinned, spreading the warm liquid around with his fingertips before cursing himself. 

He reached over to his nightstand again and took a few tissues to clean up with. Now the stuff was all over his pubes and cleaning that was so much more tiresome. He was 32, he should know how to masturbate efficiently by now. 

He disregarded the toy, it was meant for a singular use. He kicked his pants off and waddled to the bathroom because he was feeling sticky. Ben would have never admitted it to anyone but he put one leg on the toilet and did a quick gentleman’s wash in the sink and just walked back to the bedroom, feeling tired. 

Like he said, nothing knocked him out like an orgasm. He barely had the energy to pull on a clean pair of boxers before diving to the pillow and falling asleep like the wind blew out a candle. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a lot longer than I was expecting. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, that's all I have to say :D Also you might have noticed that I added a chapter count. I have a rough outline of the chapters to come and what I want to include in the story, but the count might still change a little if I get really inspired or something xD


	8. Office hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things progress between Rey and Ben. The heat rises. A lot.

“What do you mean you didn’t kiss?” 

Rose Tico looked appalled, laying on her bed the following Sunday, in worn sweatpants and a tank top. 

“I mean, we didn’t kiss.” Rey shrugged. That was the truth.

“I thought history-buff had game. This is devastating to learn, Rey.” Rose groaned, turning on her back. 

Rey’d just gone over the date she’d had yesterday. She had really enjoyed herself, and she liked that she finally got some direct answers, but apparently Rose had expected her to ravage the poor professor on the table. 

“Not that anyone asked”, Finn Trooper walked from Rose’s small kitchen to her room door, biting into a sandwich. “But I agree with Rose.” 

“Oh come on!” Rey tossed her hands into the air. “The mood wasn’t right! I can’t just go about kissing people whenever I feel like it!” 

“That’s what creates mood!” Rose buried her face in her hands. “If you ask me, there’s never a mood for kissing, until you make it. Finn, back me up.” 

“Rose is right, Rey.”

Rey’s eyes rolled as far in her head as they possibly could. She couldn’t believe her friends were teaming up against her. 

“Men like it when you take initiative.” Finn took a seat next to Rey, taking another bite of his food. 

“Solo isn’t a horny teenage boy unable to take his own initiative.” Rey’s arms crossed over her chest. 

“I didn’t say boys. I said men.” Finn’s index finger shot up. “And have you seen Solo? He’s terrifying. He raised his voice in class once and I say this with pride, I peed a little. He’s probably used to people cowering around him, can’t you imagine what a turn-on it would be if you took the wheel from him?” 

“You watch too much porn.”

“No, I observe.” 

“Not to mention!” Rey’s spine straightened “I’m not trying to turn him on. We’ve had coffee,  _ once.  _ Unlike you two horndogs, I can take things slow. He has a kid, I wouldn’t want to rush into this. He probably doesn’t want to rush to it either, which is why we didn’t kiss.” 

The room fell quiet. Rose sat up and made eye contact with Finn. A look passed between them, after which they just nodded. 

“What?” Rey frowned. 

“You’re bitter.” The sentence came out in unison. Rey’s jaw dropped. 

“I most certainly am not bitter!” 

She was, in fact, a little bitter. It hadn’t bothered her on Saturday, but today, she was feeling a little let down by how their date had ended. She still refused to believe that it had been a bad date, it hadn’t, but some part of her brain, the part that had longed for Ben Solo for months now, was justifiably a little bitter. To herself or to him - she couldn’t tell. 

“Rey, sweetie, I love you, but you’re bitter.” Finn patted her back in a manner that was probably supposed to be supportive, but felt like mockery. 

“Your observations only tell me that you’re a shit at observation, Finn.” Rey slumped back down. “He’s not terrifying. He’s actually really fucking sweet if you haven’t noticed and no one awful could possibly have raised a kid as great as Annie.” 

“What Finn is saying, is that he  _ looks  _ terrifying. He’s a huge dude with a nasty glare. That’s what people first see when they decide to be scared of him, not how many bows he’s stuck to his daughter’s pigtails.” 

Rey bit her lips together. To her annoyance, her friends did have a point there. Her first impression had been that he was a deadbeat, until she’d decided against it a second later, but still. 

“Fine. If I was a little bitter, which I’m not admitting to, what should I do?” 

“Go kiss him, duh.” Rose said like it was obvious. 

“Kiss him where?” 

“Mouth, I’d hope. I mean forehead kisses and stuff are nice, but that’s way too affectionate way too early.” 

Rey rolled her eyes again. Rose was joking, but Rey really wasn’t in the mood for that. She should have expected it, but she wasn’t in the mood. She’d been happy when she came in that afternoon, but she was getting increasingly annoyed. 

“Okay, okay. Don’t pop a vein in your forehead.” Rose showed her palms as a sign of surrender. “His office hours. This time, you actually go and you kiss him good.” 

“Because that went so well last time.” 

“Last time?” Finn raised a brow. Rey had sworn Rose to secrecy, so not even their third best friend knew about what they now referred to as the night of the bad onker. Rose had come up with the name, and Rey hated that she’d laughed. 

“We had a.. incident, like a month back. It was no big deal.” Rey brushed it off, staring at Rose to make sure she kept her mouth shut. She did, but her grin was not all too well hidden. 

“I’m not doing this.” Rey finally concluded, her arms wrapping around her chest in determination. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Rey thought about her conviction a lot when she walked up the staircase that was supposed to lead her on a path to Ben Solo’s office. Rose had texted her the directions, supposedly Rey couldn’t miss it. It was the only office with his name at the door. That was fair. 

It was a little before five in the evening, when his hours were ending. Rey supposed she had to go in at the very end, because she didn’t want to keep some poor student from getting their questions answered because their professor was busy making out with someone. No - Rey had to remind herself that there were a thousand ways this could go wrong, and she might even get rejected. 

She cracked her knuckles before pressing on the call button next to the door. The green light indicated that he was free, but Rey didn’t want to barge in. 

The clear light turned on, signaling that she was free to come in. 

It was go time. 

“Evening”, Rey opened the door with ever building confidence. She was actually a confident person in general, but somehow being around Solo made her feel like a silly, giggling thing. She supposed it would pass, and luckily, the moment seemed to be now. 

“Evening- Rey?” 

Ben Solo sat behind his desk, reading glasses on his nose and a sweater over his collared shirt. A tweed jacket hung from the coat rack in the corner. Rey was not used to seeing him all professional. He probably changed in and out of more casual clothes throughout the day, because this was only the second time she’d seen him all professor-ed up, and frankly, it was working for her. 

“Like I said, evening.” she nodded, looking around the tiny office. He had a full bookshelf on one wall, a two-seater on the other. His desk was in the middle, a computer and well organized papers on it. It was neat, not surprising considering everything she knew about his character, but still in a way, it was. Rey had sort of expected his office to be more cluttered. 

There was a coat rack by the door, his jacket the only thing on it, a briefcase on the floor by the desk and several certificates framed on the wall, including his Masters and PhD. 

“This is a surprise”, his brows twisted a little in confusion, taking a glance at his watch. He had a wristwatch, Rey noted, unsure why that was a turn-on, but it was. 

“I had unfinished business”, she closed the door behind her with her heel, and sauntered forward. “More precisely, we had.” 

She took a seat in one of the two chairs that were in front of his desk, crossing her jean clad legs over each other. She watched his eyes fixate there for a moment and she didn’t miss the way his pink tongue darted in a blink and you’ll miss it -way to wet his lips. 

“We did?” his whiskey eyes returned to her face. He was the image of confusion. 

“I believe so”, Rey nodded. She didn’t know where this was all coming from, but she was enjoying acting enticing to the bone. 

“Rey, I don’t think I’m following. Why are you here?” his elbows propped on the desk, his head tilting like that of a puppy. It was absolutely adorable, and Rey couldn’t help but grin a little. 

“Are you expecting anyone?” she glanced over her shoulder at the door. It had a window in the middle, but it was frosted glass, so you couldn’t see through it. 

“No, I was just about to leave.” he shifted in his seat, running a hand through his hair. 

“And where’s Annie?” 

“With my parents.” 

“Good.” Rey got up from her chair and crossed to that side of the desk. She kept a few feet between them, her arms crossed over her chest, like in a challenge. “I came because I want to kiss you.” 

To say he looked surprised would have been an understatement. His eyes blew wide open, mouth parting like he was about to say something but nothing came out. 

“Is that okay?” Rey stepped closer, until the tip of her worn sneaker met with his oxfords. 

Ben shut his mouth, biting his lips a bit before nodding. 

“Sure. I mean yes, that’s perfectly fine, great, actually that you-” he was starting to babble, but Rey leaned down and pressed their lips together before he had a chance to continue. He quieted down immediately. 

In his desk chair, he was much lower than she was, so Rey had to bend down to be able to kiss him. His lips were warm, a little chapped but so, so full, and he was kissing her back, gently but eagerly. 

Rey pulled away first, not far, but far enough to see his face all flushed. She was sure she didn’t look any less bewildered. He grinned, dimples appearing on his cheeks, his slightly crooked teeth making an appearance. Rey’d noted that he usually smiled with his mouth shut, and she feared it was because of his teeth - even though they weren’t even that bad. She’d seen much worse. 

“That was nice”, Rey’s voice was but a whisper, but it was all true. He nodded, brown eyes searching hers. 

“I agree”, he hummed, his voice low and a little gravely. His fingertips coming up to trail her jawline. He looked mystified for a moment, before leaning up and enveloping her in another, much more burning kiss than the last one. 

Rey answered, equally keen to continue, and wrapped her arms behind his neck. Her fingers graced the back of his head, urging a soft sound out of him. His large palms had found their place on her waist, holding her firmly, yet not in a way that made her feel confined. 

Rey poked her tongue at the corner of his mouth, his lips parting at the request, and soon he was urging her closer, until she was firmly astride on his lap, her legs wrapping behind the chair through the arm rests. 

His hands trailed up her back, touching the back of her neck and hair, but respectfully avoiding anything that might be crossing a line. Rey wasn’t sure if there was a line to be crossed, since the hard front of his khaki pants was firmly nudged between her legs and there was no effort made to try and pretend like it wasn’t. Rey wasn’t also going to pretend like it wasn’t a healthy sized package she was gently rolling her hips on - not that she minded either way, it was just an observation. She only paid attention because well, it was right there and she was curious, but also because she’d been with guys with big dicks and guys with smaller dicks and Benjamin Solo seemed to land somewhere around the top edge of average, which was honestly only a positive thing. 

“I’ve wanted to kiss you for forever”, he mumbled, gasping for air. Rey smiled right against his mouth. He was so eager she could almost taste it in the way his tongue graces the top of her mouth. She wanted to kiss him too. 

Rey was getting out of breath. She felt insatiable, craving more of his lips, more of him with every passing second. His mouth tasted like coffee and gum and his hands were just so large on her hips. She liked the held back puffs and sounds he made when her weight moved on him. She liked how he was getting a little bolder and moved one hand from her hip over the curve of her bottom and caressed the shape. She grinded down on him with purpose then, trying to find some friction on the front of her jeans. She swallowed the gasp that left him, and she didn’t miss how his hands now squeezed, like he was trying to hold on for dear life. 

She bit his lip, just a nibble to see if that was something she could do with him, when he completely stilled under her. His mouth fell slack with a stuttering o-sound leaving his body. 

Rey had to blink. 

“Did you just..?” her eyes fell between them, and yes, his light colored pants now had a darker stain in the middle, spreading out with each passing second. 

“Fuck-” his hands left her figure, coming up to cover his face. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m so sorry.” he shifted a little under her, while Rey was still rendered speechless. “I don’t have a problem, I swear, I just-” 

When he was clearly starting to panic Rey managed to pop out of her bubble, realising that she should probably say something. 

“Hey, hey, hey, calm down. It’s alright.” she placed her hand over his, managing to gouge out eye contact, through his split fingers. “That was honestly so hot.” she smiled. Ben slowly lowered his hands, still looking rather uncomfortable. 

“I just- I haven’t done this in forever and-” 

“Ben, it’s okay. I promise. You got too excited, it happens.” she cupped his cheeks and placed an affectionate peck on his lips. Just a short peck to show she really didn’t mind. She didn’t, she was unbearably turned on by the fact that she had such a strong effect on him. “Do you have clean pants somewhere?” 

“Yea I have a change of clothes in my locker.” 

“You should probably change into them.” Rey chuckled a little, climbing off of his soiled lap. 

Ben got up, moving a bit stiffly. He got his briefcase and put it in front of his crotch to hide the notable dark spot that spread from his front down his thigh. 

“I’ll be back in a minute. I mean, you can leave but I thought I could buy you dinner?” his head tipped to the side as he followed Rey out the door, grabbing his coat as they went. 

“As thanks?” Rey grinned over her shoulder and watched him struggle to compose himself for a moment. 

“If you want to think of it like that..” 

“I’m teasing you. I’d love dinner.” 

“Is Wendy’s okay? Cuz I would kill for a burger right about now.” 

“Hell yes.” 

Rey watched Ben disappear behind a corner. She walked slowly back to the first floor with a smile on her face. Her heart had been pounding a moment ago. She couldn’t believe she’d made a grown man jizz in his pants just from making out with her. It made her whole body tingly, and it was really hard not to grin from ear to ear. Not to mention the incredible physical compatibility they had - it was so easy to kiss him, like she knew instinctively what he liked, like he knew what she liked. It felt truly amazing. 

Ben returned five minutes later, in dark jeans and the neat sweater combo changed to a simple shirt. He no longer had his glasses on, and even his oxfords were replaced by sneakers. Rey didn’t think him any less attractive like this, it was funny how he could pull off both looks so effortlessly. 

“Ready?” 

“Yea, I texted my parents I’d be late.” he opened the door for her, shrugging on a jacket. 

“What did you say?” 

“I made an excuse. Sorry, I just don’t want them stuffing their nose in my business.” he ran his hand through his dark hair as they stepped outside, into the slightly chilly November evening. 

“It’s okay, I get it.” she shrugged. She could see where this was all coming from, he didn’t want to say anything too soon. She was the same, in a way. 

  
  


***

  
  


The restaurant was a few blocks away, and they walked there, talking about this and that. They talked about their favourite things, movies, music, books, everything between the earth and the sky, and discovered they had similar interests. They both liked action movies, something light and easy to watch. Ben read more academic stuff than her, but he mentioned having a remarkable Jane Austen collection, which Rey was a fan of. 

Ben’s expression was priceless when Rey ordered the biggest burger the place had and his smile seemed to only grow when she just about licked the plate clean. She was a big eater, and she wasn’t about to pretend like she wasn’t. Top that off with a tall glass of Coke and a frosty, and she was satisfied. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I love how you eat.” Ben grinned at her when they were walking back, her arm hooped with his. 

“I eat a lot, I know.” 

“Yea but it makes me feel better. I don’t have to pretend like I eat like a hamster.” he laughed, smiling down at her. 

“You actually do that?” Rey looked appalled “That’s horrible, I would never.” she looked directly ahead for a moment before looking back up. “And who thinks you eat like a hamster? There is nothing hamster-like about you. I would assume you eat like a horse to be able to maintain all this.” 

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s in my head, but I feel like people judge.” 

“You need to stop caring less about what people think and just be yourself.” 

Ben nodded thoughtfully, his lips drawing to a tight line. He looked bothered. His hands tucked to his pockets, and he made a quick glance at Rey before turning his face to his feet. 

“I should probably tell you something. And I feel like I should tell it now, before this goes any further.” 

“Sounds serious.” Rey couldn’t help the cold feeling that manifested in the bottom of her stomach. He looked so uncomfortable in his own skin in that moment, like he didn’t know where to look. 

“It sort of is. Or it’s just important for you to know.” he ran a hand through his hair and breathed in deep. 

“Okay, go ahead. I know it’s not impotence so what is it?” Rey made a little joke just to try and lighten the mood because of how heavy it got all of a sudden. It didn’t work much. Ben puffed out an amused breath, but his face was quite cautious when he turned to properly look at her. 

“I uh- have anger issues. I’ve gone to therapy since high school, I have it more or less under control, but yea.. I thought you should know. “

Rey tried to keep her expression neutral, but she truly hadn’t expected that.

“Oh.. That is serious..” 

He nodded, looking forward again. “I get it if it’s a deal breaker. No hard feelings.” 

Rey did feel a little uncomfortable, but frankly she was more upset by the thought of ending things right there than anything else. Still it was a valid concern, and she appreciated him taking that into consideration. “Have you ever hurt anyone?”

“No. It’s more.. Yelling than punching, for me..” He shook his head, a hint of a smile creeping up. “But I threw a TV out the window as a teenager.”

“Anything recently?”

“Nothing major. I feel like I raise my voice too often, I try not to but.. It’s difficult. I’m trying to be better.” he dared her a soft, hopeful smile, which she responded to by smiling back, equally faded. The air around them was heavy with expectation. 

“Okay.” Rey simply concluded, and turned her head to the street. It was a lot to take in. There was a moment of silence where they just went down the sidewalk, both seemingly in their own head. 

“What are you thinking?” Ben asked, once they’d made it past yet another block in silence. 

“Just.. I don’t know. We all have our issues. It’s good that you know yours. And I really appreciate you telling me from the beginning.”

“I wouldn’t want it to come out later in an uglier way.” he sounded pained, worried even. Rey realised that he really had to have thought this through. It was something he had to have paid attention to throughout his life.

“Yea..” she felt bad for not having anything insightful to say. 

“Anyway, there’s no pressure. I understand if it makes you uncomfortable, you wouldn’t be the first. Take all the time you want to think it over. If you have questions, I’ll answer.” 

Rey was honestly moved by how he was handling the situation. It was one of the biggest reasons why she said the following. 

“I do want to keep seeing you. To see where this goes.” 

“You do?” It felt like a reward to see the relieved smile on his narrow face. 

“Yes.”

“You’re not bothered?”

“It bothers me, yes, but I can tell you’re not a bad person. So yea, don’t beat me up or abuse me and I’ll probably be sticking around for a while.” she grinned, feeling comfortable making that joke. 

He stopped walking, making heavy eye contact, looking as serious as a person could.

“I promise, I will never ever lay a hand on you.” 

Even though it was a joke, his answer was so genuine and from the heart, Rey was sure she’d made the right call, even though she’d made it quickly. 

“I trust you.” She did. Because if he had anger issues, he wouldn’t be allowed to raise a kid on his own if it wasn’t under control. Social services would have taken Annie away from him years ago, Rey knew that personally, having grown up in foster care.

Kids were like magic mirrors. You could tell a lot about a parent by looking at their kids. Rey’d seen countless kids who got abused at home both growing up and in her work, and Annie did not show any signs of that. She adored her father. So yes, Rey was sure it was fine. 

He walked her to her car once more, but not before bending down to press one more kiss on her lips while she was still standing outside. It was softer than before, more affectionate than passionate. It was packed with emotion, careful and appreciative. 

“Thank you.” he whispered, straightening his spine. 

“For what?”

“This whole evening. I liked this.” 

“Text me, I’ll come over to dry hump you anytime.” she winked and laughed, but it wasn’t malicious. She’d really enjoyed herself as well. “And just so you know, I liked this too.” 

“Good to hear. I won’t be scared to send that text.” he had a playful smile as well, and he pecked her lips one more time, just a quick smack before pulling back. 

“Goodnight, Ben.”

“Goodnight. Drive safe.”

Rey watched him wave his hand at her when she pulled out of the parking lot, her stomach tingling with excitement. She was onto something good, she could tell. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooo sorry this took longer than expected xP I've been swamped with schoolwork. Anyway, I honestly really loved writing this chapter because idk, I like embarrassing situations and also emotional vulnerability :D Is it too much to say I'm proud of Ben in this chapter??? No? Okay good cuz I am. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all have a great day and thank you for reading ♥


	9. Collisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Annie clash and then some

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hit an angst-berg.

For the entirety of two weeks Ben woke up with a smile on his face. 

A lot of it had to do with the fact that for the past two weeks, he’d had to stay behind at work to do grading because at home he was too distracted. 

That’s what he told Leia and Han anyway. 

In reality his evenings mostly consisted of one special little lady who he had dinner with or just walked around with, talking and laughing and feeling happier than he had in awhile. Every day he woke up and was excited to see Rey. They hadn’t progressed further from their first encounter, and even when they did make out in his office or Rey’s car, he hadn’t ruined his pants a second time. Partly because Rey was considerate enough not to dry hump him like it was her one purpose in life. 

To put it shortly, things were finally going his way. 

His alarm hadn’t gone off yet, so he just laid there and sent Rey the typical “Good morning” text, that had become a habit he didn’t see himself getting rid of, in a matter of maybe ten days. 

Her answer came in minutes. 

**Rey Johnson 6:31am**

Good Morning beautiful ;) 

**Ben Solo 6:32am**

I think you have me confused for someone else

**Rey Johnson 6:32am**

I’m sorry, is this not Ben the History-buff Solo? The buffest guy in the history department, perhaps due to the process of elimination? 

**Ben Solo 6:33am**

Please don’t call me that, it’s bad enough that the students do. 

**Rey Johnson 6:33am**

You still haven’t explained why they call you that

**Ben Solo 6:34am**

Apparently history teachers are supposed to be bony people who actually lived through the revolutionary war. 

**Ben Solo 6:34am**

But I think it started like 6 years ago when a bookshelf had fallen over in one of the smaller classrooms and I lifted it back up by myself.

**Rey Johnson 6:35am**

You lifted. A bookshelf. 

  
  


**Ben Solo 6:35am**

I honestly didn’t think much of it, but the whole class was looking at me like I’d gone crazy. 

**Rey Johnson 6:35am**

On a related note, how much exactly can you bench? For research purposes. 

**Ben Solo 6:36am**

I don’t keep count, I’m not a douche.

**Ben Solo 6:36am**

But I bet I could dead lift you above my head. 

**Rey Johnson 6:36am**

WOULD YOU!!?!

**Ben Solo 6:37am**

Sure but.. why? 

**Rey Johnson 6:37am**

Well since you asked, I have a little fantasy… ;)

**Ben Solo 6:38am**

I’m listening. 

**Rey Johnson 6:38am**

Just that I’ve always dreamed of a guy that’s emotionally a bit of a nerd, but physically could tie me into a knot..

**Ben Solo 6:39am**

Next time, I’ll hoist you above my head.

**Ben Solo 6:39am**

And slam dunk you into my bed. 

**Ben Solo 6:40am**

Sorry, that was crossing a line. 

**Rey Johnson 6:40am**

It rhymed tho

**Ben Solo 6:41am**

And that makes it okay? 

**Rey Johnson 6:41am**

In this case, yes. 

**Rey Johnson 6:41am**

I have to go shower now, but I’ll see you when you come pick-up Annie 

**Ben Solo 6:42am**

Thank you for putting that image in my head. Bye :) 

  
  


Ben still wasn’t confident using emojis, but he did put in the occasional smiley face, as they called them when he was in his early twenties. Nothing did put things in perspective like calling an emoji a smiley face in front of 200 or so college students and have every single one of them laugh in your face and call you “a boomer”. 

Ben didn’t know what a boomer was, but it didn’t sound like a compliment. That made him pick up his phone again and shoot Rey one more text. 

**Ben Solo 6:45am**

What’s a boomer? 

He left his phone on the bed and went to do his usual morning routine. Annie’s school would start at nine, but he had a class at eight so he would be dropping her off early. Usually either Han or Leia would take her, but they’d taken an extended weekend to go visit Ben’s uncle. When they did watch her, Ben always made sure to get his daughter ready and prepared before leaving. It was enough that his parents had to look after her, he could do the exhausting part of “NO I DON’T WANT TO WEAR THAT”. 

Ben flicked on the light in Annie’s room and walked to her bed. 

“Snickers, time to get up.” he spoke quietly, watching how Annie’s face twisted and her eyes squeezed tightly together at the bright light. 

“Not yet..” she mumbled, diving under the covers. 

Ben huffed a laugh, before checking the time. He still had a few minutes to spare. He climbed on the bed, the mattress creaking when it took his weight and crawled on the other side. 

“Did you have any dreams?” he pulled the covers over his head, so it was like they were in a tent. The sheets were thin, so the light seeped through enough to see. Annie was in a fetal position, her black hair all tangled up. That would be a problem. 

“Nothing”, Annie shook her head. 

“Nothing? Not even about unicorns and ninja turtles and-” 

“No!” Annie started to giggle, scooting until she was strapped to his chest. 

For a moment it was just quiet, until Annie drew back and squinted at him. 

“You smell funny.” 

“Hmm.. I need to shower.” 

“Like perfume.” Annie snuggled back under his chin. Ben tried to hide his swallow, realising that he really, really needed to start showering in the evenings. 

“Weird..” he murmured, both arms going around Annie when he sat up. “But now, breakfast.” 

“I’m still sleepy.” Annie mumbled to his shirt, all four limbs going around his middle to hang on while Ben got up and walked to the kitchen, where the coffee had brewed. 

“Alright burdock, time to let go.” 

“What’s a burdock?” 

“It’s a plant that sticks to things.” Ben took Annie’s middle when she still refused to let go and sat her up on a bar stool. He attempted to comb his fingers through her hair, but it only caused Annie to scream and wag his hand off. 

“Hurts!” 

Her hair looked like a crow's nest. 

“How did you get it so tangled up?” Ben put bread in the toaster and peeled Annie a banana to munch on in the meantime. 

“I tried to tease it up like they do in the model show on TV, but it didn’t work.” 

“Uh-huh..” he just hummed, buttering her up a sandwich and putting some cheese on it, before popping in his own toast. “I’m gonna have to brush that, you know.” 

Annie nodded, looking a bit horrified. “I know..” 

Ben ate quickly and left Annie with the electronic babysitter of morning cartoons while he rinsed as fast as he could. 

“Alright missy, time to get that hair done.” he said once he was fully dressed, approaching Annie with a brush, a comb and the tangle spray. This would be painful for both of them. 

It took twenty minutes and a lot of tears and screaming to get her hair smooth and on a ponytail. His neighbors probably thought he was torturing her or slaughtering a pig. He tried to be as gentle as possible, but that didn’t lessen the fact that Annie still hated having her hair brushed and did everything within her power to make it less easy. 

Of course, she returned the favor and was seemingly more vicious with how she handled the brush when she did Ben’s hair. 

“Snickers, I wasn’t trying to be mean, your hair just was really tangled.” he hissed when she ripped the comb through his hair and a bunch came off his scalp. 

“It still hurt.” 

“So it’s eye for an eye?” 

“I don’t know what that means.” Annie grumbled. He was clearly in a bad mood. 

“It means that you’re taking revenge. Being mean on purpose.” 

Annie was quiet, before she threw the brush at Ben’s head and ran to her room.

“Stupid!” she screamed while she slammed the door shut. 

Ben sat on the floor with his eyes blown wide. He had no clue where the sudden change of mood had come from, when thirty minutes ago she’d been clinging to him. Annie had her tantrums like all kids did, but there hadn’t been one in a long time, and usually Ben knew what they were about - usually it was bedtime, or screen time or that Ben had put garlic in a pasta even though she hated garlic. For some reason he felt like this had to be about more than just brushing her hair. 

Ben sighed. They needed to get going, and Annie was still in her pyjamas. 

He took the direct approach, and walked to the room, ignored the moody girl curled under the covers and picked the nearest pair of pants, a shirt and socks. 

“Time to get dressed.” 

“Don’t wanna.” 

“Annie.” Ben could feel his nerves tick. He kept his voice consciously down, but his tone was firm. 

The little girl peeked her head from under the covers. She knew he was serious when he called her like that. She got up and changed, neither of them saying a word to each other. Ben really hated the guilty feeling in his gut. If only little girls had prompters that told you what they were thinking. 

“Go put your shoes on, we’re leaving right away.” 

Ben went to get his briefcase. Annie was fully dressed in the hall, her backpack strapped on when Ben put his jacket on and let her outside. 

The walk to the school was silent, Annie marching in front of him like she was in a rush to get away from him. It wasn’t unusual that she walked in front of him and led the way, but it bothered him when it felt like it wouldn’t have mattered to her if or not he was still following. 

At the gate Ben took her arm and knelt down, seeking eye contact.

“Have fun”, he attempted softly, but Annie looked visibly upset. “We can talk in the evening.” 

Annie didn’t answer, just glared, making Ben sigh with defeat. 

“I’m sorry that I hurt your head.” he said, but when Annie’s face stayed sour, he knew this was something else. Something he unfortunately didn’t have time right that moment. They could solve it once they got home. 

“Kiss?” he prompted, but Annie drew away when he leaned to kiss her cheek. Ben sighed again and gave up. Ben had been clear with her about that. If she didn’t want someone to touch her, if she didn’t want a hug or a kiss she could always refuse. He’d assumed it would apply to people she hardly knew, not him. Frankly he hadn’t thought they’d come to a point where she openly rejected his show of affection. It hurt, but he didn’t want to force her either. 

“Alright then. Bye.” he stood up and watched his girl run away from him and inside the building. 

Ben turned, patting his pockets and realising that his phone was still on his bed. Great, just fantastic. He would have to manage one day without having his nose locked onto a screen. It would probably do him some good even. 

  
  
  


***

  
  
  


Rey openly laughed, reading the text Ben just sent her. 

**Ben Solo 6:45am**

What’s a boomer? 

  
  


**Rey Johnson 7:03am**

That’s a very boomer thing of you to ask. 

**Rey Johnson 7:04am**

It’s basically an old person going on a rampage or saying something you’d hear old people say. Usually about conservative shit.. 

**Rey Johnson 7:04am**

Did someone call you a boomer, boomer?

  
  


Rey ignored her phone after that, checking it when she got to work, but when there hadn’t been an answer, she just tucked it in her messenger bag and let it be. 

Annie Solo came to school an hour early, something Rey knew would be happening. She looked like a storm cloud, but when Rey asked if she was alright, she shook it off and acted like nothing was wrong. It was honestly strange, but Rey couldn’t dig into it further, because her first lesson was starting. 

The rest of the day went peacefully, nothing out of the usual, except for the fact that Ben still hadn’t answered her text, he hadn’t even seen it. He was probably too busy to look at his phone, which wouldn’t have been too out of character. What Rey had learned was that Ben did not like texting, or social media, or anything that got too technical for him. 

He really did seem like an old man in that sense. Rey found it incredibly cute. He was this young athletic guy but then he put on his reading glasses and squinted at his phone and cursed at the “God forsaken bird app.” Rey believed a part of it was because his hands were too big to handle a smartphone, because he was much more fluent with his computer. 

The day went on as usual, and at fifteen past two, Rey was outside with the kids, waiting for their parents to pick them up. 

**Rey Johnson 2:16pm**

You know what this means. I won. 

Rey shot the text to go alongside the three other ones from the morning to the chain of unread messages and grinned. She’d been waiting for the day when he’d be late again. Somehow he’d managed to pull off being on time for the whole fall semester, if they didn’t count the first day, and spurting to the yard exactly at 2:15pm. 

Rey didn’t notice that Annie had come to stand next to her, until she spoke up. 

“He’s late.” 

Rey nodded. “Seems so. I’m sure he’ll be here any minute now.” 

She kept looking into the street, ready to point out the 200 pound giant hurling himself through traffic like she did every few days. 

However minutes passed and it was already twenty past, with no sight of Ben Solo anywhere. 

Annie had disappeared, but when Rey looked around, she was in the swing set. Rey shrugged it off and went back inside. Ben knew to call if he was going to be late for much longer. 

Rey’s classes had ended, but she needed to answer a few emails and work on her lesson plans for tomorrow and next week. She liked to do her plans on either Thursday or Friday so that she could have the weekend to herself. Today was Thursday, and she had plenty of time. She wasn’t even going to see Ben today because he couldn’t get anyone to babysit Annie for a few hours. It was fine though, they had seen every day for two weeks now, not including the weekend. 

At four in the evening, Rey finally got up and packed her bag to go home. 

She put on her jacket and threw her messenger bag over her shoulder. She had a bottle of wine at home, and she was already imagining pouring herself a glass as a reward for being productive and then watch the few episodes of Master Chef that she had to catch up on. 

Rey spun her car keys around her finger when she stepped outside, but stopped her walking right there because one glaring thing caught her eye. 

Annie was still sitting in the swing set, the tips of her shoes buried into the sand, barely swinging back and forth, her head held low. 

Rey checked the clock again, but it was still the same. 4pm. Ben was now two hours late, and there hadn’t been a word. 

Rey walked to Annie, standing a respectful distance from her. 

“Hey Annie”, she started. “Still waiting, I see.” 

Annie nodded her head, but not a peep came out of her mouth. 

“We should go inside and call. You don’t have to sit here in the cold.” Rey prompted, stepping in front of the little girl, only to realise she was shredding silent tears. 

Rey’s mouth parted, and she squatted down. 

“Annie.. what’s wrong?” 

Something was clearly bothering her in the morning, but Rey had almost forgotten about it. 

“Daddy hates me.. he’s leaving me.” Annie’s voice was a quiver. 

“I’m sure that’s not true.” Rey shook her head, but Annie’s face got stern.

“It is! He comes home late- now he won’t come get me! He hates me and he’s never coming back!” 

The little girl was looking right at Rey, and Rey felt a twist of guilt in her stomach. Annie still depended on her dad and it clearly bothered her that she’d been getting to spend less time with him - because of Rey. 

“That’s impossible.”

“It’s not! A while back he was yelling at grandma and grandpa that some people would take me away from him!” 

This was a conversation that Rey’d not heard. “What people?” 

“Some.. some service..” Annie was babbling on, while tears kept rolling down her face. 

She must have meant social services. But Ben would have told Rey if there was an investigation going on, wouldn’t he? This was getting stranger and stranger. 

“We should go inside. We can call him there.” Rey offered Annie her hand, and the little girl clamped on like to a life line. 

Once inside, Rey took out her phone and tried calling. The phone rang and rang, until it went to voicemail.

“Weird..” Rey stared at the screen. Annie sat on a chair in the teacher’s office, still quivering like a leaf. 

“I told you he hates me.” 

“Annie dear, he doesn’t hate you, I promise.. there’s something weird going on-” 

Rey’s pondering was cut off when the school secretary came to the room with a phone in hand. 

“Good, Miss Johnson you’re still here.” the wrinkly old lady glanced at Annie, then back at Rey, before nodding for her to come along. 

Rey told Annie to wait, and followed the secretary to the other room. She had the phone pressed to her chest, looking very stern. 

“What is it?” 

“It’s the hospital calling, they’re asking for you.” 

“Me?” Rey’s stomach sunk. She reached for the phone and placed it on her ear, hardly daring to breathe. 

“Hello, this is Rey Johnson.” 

“Miss Johnson hello, This is the central hospital of Alderaan. I’m calling on the behalf of Mr. Benjamin Solo. Do you know this person?” 

Rey’s knees buckled under her, but she managed to stay upright. Her hand flew to her mouth, and eyes shut. 

“Yes- yes I know him. Is he alright?” 

“Mr. Solo was brought here a couple hours ago, after a collision with a car.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Wow, this was quite the heartbreaking chapter, I don't like writing kids and parents fighting. Anyway, it was necessary for the plot to move forward so ...
> 
> Stay safe everyone ♥


	10. Ben's Anatomy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Annie visit Ben in the hospital
> 
> CW: Ben's high from medication
> 
> Also I'm not a doctor so medical inaccuracies ahead.

Rey’d felt time stop once before. 

The first time was when she was nine. Her foster dad at the time took her ice skating on a lake. The ice cracked under her and she went submerged. Under the freezing cold water, eyes open and the water clear, it had felt like time wasn’t moving at all. Everything under the surface was perfectly still. It was peaceful, weightless - right until she couldn’t hold her breath anymore and she swallowed a mouthful of water. 

Luckily she got out of that one without harm done. Her foster dad pulled her out by the hood on her winter coat, and she choked out the water filling her lungs. 

The second time was when the nurse on the phone said Ben had been in a car crash. 

Time had stopped. Rey felt like everything was moving in slow motion. The clock ticked on the wall, an eternity passing between each click of the pointer. Rey was waiting for the water to fill her lungs. 

“Is he okay?” 

It felt like a stupid question. He was hit by a car and the hospital was on the phone. Of course he was not okay, he wasn’t indestructible, even if he sometimes seemed like it. 

“He woke up around thirty minutes ago. He gave us the school’s number, requesting his daughter. Do you know if Annie Solo is still there?”

Rey’s collar felt tight around her throat. Annie. Annie was still probably upset, and now her dad was in the hospital. 

“Yes, Annie is here- Should I bring her?” Rey looked over her shoulder at the shut door that led to the teachers office. 

“I think that would be good, yes. Mr. Solo was extremely distressed about her.” 

“One more question. Why am I the one being contacted?” 

“Mr. Solo told us to call the school and ask for you, Miss Johnson. Is that alright?” 

“Yea.. it’s fine.” 

“We’ve also informed Mr. Solo’s emergency contacts, but they are out of town at the moment. I’ll mark your name down, so you can come visit.” 

Rey blew out a lungful of air she hadn’t realised she was holding. 

“What should I tell his daughter?” 

“Mr. Solo isn’t in any danger, but he was injured. He has a broken arm and collarbone, a fractured ankle, and bruising.” 

“He didn’t hit his head?” 

“No, it seems that he got lucky.” 

That was an immediate relief. If he came out with brain damage, Rey was sure she couldn’t have held it together. Not that several broken bones weren’t bad - they were, but it wasn’t permanent damage. 

“Alright, I’ll be there, and I’ll bring his daughter.” 

“Thank you, Miss Johnson.”

Rey closed the call, and looked to the secretary lady, sure that her face was grey as a sheet. She explained the situation the best she could, foregoing the more truthful explanation as to why she was the one contacted, and went with the fact that Annie is in her classroom. 

Rey still had one more difficult thing to do. 

She opened the door to the teacher’s office, putting on her best serious face - but not too serious so Annie wouldn’t be scared. It felt like an impossible task to manage. 

“Annie?” 

The little girl’s head bobbed up. She wasn’t crying anymore, but she had that pouty look of an upset little girl on her face. Rey clenched her jaw. She had to be strong. 

“That was the hospital on the phone.” Rey knelt in front of her, looking right at her face and seeing distress grow by the second. 

“Your dad is in the hospital. But he’s going to be okay. I’m going to take you there now, to see him.” 

Rey figured it was best to say everything in one go. 

Annie’s brows drew together, and she looked a lot like her dad in that moment, confusion and concern riddling over her features. 

“Daddy’s in the hospital?” 

“Yes. He was hit by a car.” 

“Is he gonna die? Like mom?” Annie’s chin started to tremble, and those large whiskey eyes glistened with tears. 

Rey’s throat closed up. She shook her head. “No, no. He’s not dying- he’s gonna be fine.” 

“But what if he does!?” 

“Shh.. Annie, I promise, it’s going to be okay. We’re going to go see him now.” 

Rey stood up and offered Annie her hand. The little girl took it and followed Rey right until her car, where she stopped, her heels digging into the ground like cinder blocks. 

“No!” 

Rey’s head twisted around in confusion. “What?” 

“No! I’m not allowed to go into stranger’s cars!” 

Rey’s mouth nearly fell open, but she managed to contain it. Annie ripped her hand free and started backing, like Rey’d suddenly turned into a scary monster. Rey didn’t know what to say. 

“Annie-” she began, uncertain how to finish that sentence. “I’m not a stranger.” 

“No cars! Not even if it’s a nice lady!” Annie screamed. “Dad will be mad.” 

“I’m sure he’ll be fine with this.” 

“No!” 

Rey scratched the back of her head. This was a conundrum. She supposed they could walk - if Annie would agree to that, but the hospital was on the other side of tow. It would take forever. 

“What if we get permission? Since your dad wasn’t answering, we could call your grandma.” 

Annie’s lips pouted, and she looked pondering. The school had Annie’s grandma’s phone number because she was often bringing her to school, and also because the school required two emergency contacts for each student. Typically the parents or the guardians, but there were others in cases of single parents like Ben. 

“I guess..” 

Rey cheered internally. She rushed back inside and dialed the number after looking it up. 

“Leia Organa.” 

Rey chewed on a cuticle. 

“Hello, this is Rey Johnson from Alderaan Elementary, I’m Annie Solo’s homeroom teacher.” 

“Hello, Miss Johnson, this is sort of a bad time-” 

“Yes I know. We got a call saying your son had been hospitalized. I’m going to bring Annie to him myself, but she’s refusing to get into my car. Could you maybe talk to her?” 

“You’re the teacher with the buns on her hair, right?” the woman on the phone sounded questioning, and Rey could understand why. 

“Yes, we’ve met.” 

“You were in the cafe with Ben a few weeks ago.” 

Shit. 

“Yes, that was me.” 

“Are you fooling around with my son?” There was no hesitation behind the question. She asked, like she was asking Rey if there was going to be snacks in the next parent-teacher conference. 

Rey’s face got red, and even though it was impossible for the woman to see it through the phone, she ducked her head. 

“Um-” 

“I’ll take that as a yes. Put Annie on the phone, please, I’ll talk to her.” 

“Wait- she doesn’t need to know about- what you asked.” 

There was a hum on the phone, and Rey took it as a sign of agreement. Damn Ben’s mother was a perceptive woman. She’d seen Ben with her once, and still she’d hit the nail on the head. 

Rey gave the phone to Annie, and she held it up with two hands. She was quiet for a long time, nodding along to whatever her grandma was telling her. She looked up at Rey, then back down and agreed to something. Rey didn’t even want to know what. 

Finally she handed the phone back to Rey, but when she took it, the line had already been cut. 

“Well? Can you come with me?” 

Annie nodded very seriously. “Yes.” 

Her head tipped up, and she looked Rey dead in the eye. “My grandma and grandpa asked me to tell you that if I go missing they’ll hunt you down like a dog, and you’ll never see the light of day again.” 

Rey had to blink. Her brows drew up her face, but she just nodded. Ben’s family didn’t mess around. His parents didn’t fall any shorter from intense, than the man in question. 

  
  
  


***

  
  


Rey signed them in at the information desk. They were given two visitor badges to put on their shirts and the room number where Ben was in. They were free to go in whenever. 

Rey never particularly liked hospitals. She didn’t know what it was - maybe it was the smell, or the lack thereof. The white hallways reminded her of the orphanage and group homes that were more like facilities than homes. It was simply unnerving. 

However she couldn’t really think that much about it, because Annie was squeezing the life out of her fingers when they roamed the halls looking for the right room. She must have been utterly terrified, and Rey could understand why. Ben was all she had - of course she had her grandparents, but really, Rey wasn’t sure if she could ever actually cope if she somehow lost Ben. Even earlier when she was crying about him leaving her, it spoke of how strong her attachment to him was.

Rey pushed open the door with the right number and poked her head in. It was a four person room, with the two beds nearest to the door had old men with broken legs hitched up laying there. 

Annie stuck to her side then. 

“Hello”, Rey smiled at the two of them, peeking further into the room, looking for Ben’s familiar face, which she to her relief by the bed on the right, near the window. 

There was a curtain between him and the old man on the other bed. 

He was awake, but with an absent look in his eyes.

His foot was in a cast, being held up by one of those loop things that hung the ceiling. His arm was in a cast, as well as an arm sling. His lip was cut and he had some other bruising all over his face. Rey wasn’t sure what she’d expected. He looked awful - like what a person who got hit by a car looked. 

“Daddy!” Annie’s high pitched squeal broke the air, and she probably would have jumped on the bed, if Rey had snatched her arm a second later. Luckily she managed to prevent her assault on her injured dad. 

“Hii snickers..” Ben’s voice was high pitched and heavily medicated. “Not too rough, sweetie, daddy took a tumble.” he turned a little, extending his healthy hand to Annie to grab onto. Rey freed her hold of Annie’s arm and let her go to him now that she wasn’t going to lunge at him. 

“Does it hurt?” Annie’s lip was quivering. 

“Noo.. the doctors gave daddy medicine and- and now I’m floating on a cloud.” he had an absent smile on his face. 

Rey couldn’t help but snicker to herself a little. He was high as a kite. He had an IV-tube stuck to his arm, something dripping inside his veins at a steady pace. 

“Are you gonna leave me?” huge tears sprung down Annie’s cheeks, and Ben’s smile faded. 

“Noo.. of course not, never.” he scooted up higher on the bed, until he could use his free hand to urge Annie to climb on the bed. 

The little girl curled in a tight ball under his arm. Ben hushed her, stroking his palm over her back. 

“I’m scared-” Annie hiccuped, her face burying in the chest of Ben’s hospital gown.

Rey’s heart broke for them, and she backed away, trying to give the two even a little more privacy. 

“I’m right here, snickers. Right here..” Ben kissed the top of her head, and held her tight. Not even a medical high was enough to dull his love and concern for his daughter. Rey was quite proud. 

“That’s a good dad.” 

Rey’s head turned to one of the older men, the one facing opposite Ben. He smiled at Rey. 

“Hmm he is.” she nodded, sure of her words. 

“You’re very lucky.” 

Before she could correct his assumption, Ben’s head was reached over to her. 

“Rey?” 

She followed his call to the bedside. Annie was still sniffling to his chest, while Ben relaxed back to his pillow. 

“Hi”, Rey dared a smile and took the liberty to sit down on a chair left there for visitors. 

“Hi”, Ben smiled back at her, but she wasn’t sure if that was the medicine. 

“You scared us.” 

“I was coming to get her- then- I think that’s what it feels like to go down a garbage disposal.” 

Rey nodded, following along his story. She dared to reach over and subtly stroke his arm, exposed under the paper robe he was wearing. 

“You’re gonna be okay.” 

“I am now..” Ben’s eyes were drooping shut.

Rey breathed in deep. She really hated hospitals, what they represented in her life, but she didn’t hate that moment. The calm it brought her to be able to sit there and know Ben was being taken care of was almost overwhelming. It felt like a privilege to see him comfort his daughter who was probably struggling to comprehend the situation as a whole. No, that moment was very comforting. So comforting in fact that while Annie’s face was still covered in Ben’s shirt she leaned over and kissed his brow. 

Ben’s eyes moved to her when she leaned back to a normal sitting position and he smiled. It was tight lipped at first, but then his teeth broke out and she knew he was smiling for real. She’d never kissed him like that. On the forehead. It felt strangely more intimate than kissing his lips or neck, but right. So right. 

“Thank you”, he mouthed the words, and Rey smiled back at him, nodding in acknowledgement. 

They spent another hour there, and once Annie was finally calm she got really curious about the mechanics of the hospital bed. A nurse brought her markers to draw on Ben’s cast which was probably wise because Rey was a little concerned about her breaking the bed. Ben’s foot was already broken, so it could be sacrificed in this case. 

“When can daddy come home?” 

A doctor in a lab coat had come with a file to check up on Ben, and was faced with a truly serious five year old instead. 

“Not tonight, we’ll have to see how he is tomorrow.” The doctor was a tall woman with short blonde hair. Rey thought she looked oddly familiar. 

“But- where will I go?” 

Annie looked over her shoulder at Ben. She was on her knees at the foot of the bed, hands on the back railing. 

“Oh fuck- I mean shit- I mean shoot-” Ben stammered, his brows drawing to a frown. 

Before Rey could offer, he turned to her. 

“Would you take her? Just one night, you can go to our place, there’s food in the fridge, you wouldn’t have to do anything but watch her.”

Rey was going to say that she could look after Annie for one night, but Ben had been faster. She agreed immediately. 

“She has keys in her backpack.” Ben said and Annie confirmed it. 

The doctor followed the flow of conversation and Rey couldn’t help but be a little bothered by how she was looking at them, like she was genuinely interested and not just a doctor treating the 100th patient for the day. 

Rey left the room to get some coffee from the hall. Annie still wasn’t ready to leave and Rey wasn’t in a hurry either. 

The machine grumbled when she punched in quarters, and a moment later she had a refreshing cup of nasty, vending machine coffee in her hands. 

“Miss Johnson, good afternoon.” 

Rey turned and it was the doctor. So she did know her, but Rey still couldn’t connect the dots in her head. 

“I’m sorry, do I know you?” 

“I’m Jenny’s mom, Mrs Phasma.” 

The dots connected, and Rey’s gut immediately tightened. 

“Oh right, I’m so sorry, I’m terrible with faces. Of course, how are you?” Rey put on her best fake polite smile. 

“I’m well, thank you for asking. What about you?” 

“Oh you know. Same old..” Rey tried not to be awkward, failing. 

“You know I was surprised to see you here.”

“How come? I brought Annie here from school. We assumed Mr. Solo was just late but it seems he had a pretty good reason to not show up.” Rey faked ignorance, laughing, though it might have sounded a bit forced. 

“Oh just that Mr. Solo let us understand his girlfriend would be bringing Annie over, but that must have been the medication talking.” Phasma put a coin into the coffee maker and brewed herself a cup. She sipped it slowly while looking at Rey. 

“Must be the medication yea..'' Rey murmured, avoiding her eyes. They hadn’t discussed if they were officially dating, or if they were using terms like boyfriend and girlfriend, so it must have been because he was high. Under normal conditions Ben would have never so carelessly blurted out things like that. Still it was a nice insight to where his mind was at, and extremely worrying considering how Phasma was side eyeing her. 

“Must be.” 

She left Rey standing in the hall with her coffee forgotten. Somehow this didn’t feel like the end of things. Screw Ben’s parents, the Karens were going to hunt her down like a dog. 

***

  
  
  


Rey didn’t know the exact location of Ben’s apartment, but she knew it was within a walking distance of the university. Annie handled the rest, pointing her to the right intersections until they were in their building’s elevator going up. 

Somehow Rey’s expectations got subverted again. The apartment she stepped in was neat and clean. She didn’t know why she kept getting surprised by that, it had already been established to her that Ben was a well organized person. She wouldn’t have been surprised if she looked into his sock drawer and it was color coded. 

Rey walked around slowly, taking in the new environment. It was a nice two bedroom apartment, with a kitchen and living room separated by half a wall. 

Annie was exhausted, and as promised there was food in the fridge. All Rey had to do was heat that up for her and before long Annie was snoozing away in her bed. 

Poor kid had had quite the stressful day, she’d earned her sleep. 

Rey contemplated the sofa, before giving into herself and waddling to Ben’s bedroom. 

She took off her jeans and bra, leaving on the sweater she had on for the day and going to sleep in that. 

Ben’s bed was nice, though the mattress was a lot firmer than what Rey was used to. It felt like laying down on a plank. Rey imagined him going on a rampage about a firm mattress being better for your back and how he had to look after his back because he was an old man, if she ever brought it up. He was 32, he wasn’t old, but Rey still thought it was cute that in his mind he was clearly closing in on seventy. He had exactly two pillows, one for each side of the double sided bed which meant he was probably an axe murderer. Rey stacked the two pillows and crawled under the covers. 

A smile bloomed at her lips when she was surrounded by his scent from all directions. Rey’d had her doubts, but that scent promised her a goodnight sleep. She would probably have to steal a shirt from his laundry bin to have that aroma with her when she went back home. 

  
  
  


“Ben--” 

Rey was jerked awake by her own moan. 

She panted a little, blinking in the dark room. Right- she was in Ben’s apartment. And she’d just had a dirty dream about him. 

Rey wasn’t entirely surprised, his sheets smelled all too good for her to not be affected somehow. 

She probably should not have done what she did, but she slid her hands under the covers and teased around the wet patch that had formed on her panties, applying a soft pressure to her clit that made her hiss through her teeth. 

She really shouldn’t have, but the door was closed and it was past midnight. Annie was surely asleep. 

So, she rubbed gentle circles on her most sensitive bits, holding back her little gasps of delight. She couldn’t be too loud. 

Ben’s scent was there to drive her on, to press a little harder and rub a little faster until she was biting her lips and tossing back on the bed. Her toes curled, legs stretching at that last bit before tipping over the edge, and she just couldn’t hold that final moan inside her. 

She calmed her breath, withdrawing her hands and stuffing her face in Ben’s pillow, inhaling his earthy tone. 

“Oh gosh Ben..” she sighed to herself, pulling the covers back to her ears. This was a good night indeed. 

Rey fell back asleep easily, relaxed by her orgasm, blissfully unaware of Ben’s sleep recorder on his nightstand. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading, and happy holidays! ♥


	11. Cookies 'n cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets home from the hospital and they have cookies. 
> 
> TW: talk of abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little smutty balanced with wholesome is always a good combo I think. Also I'm so sorry for the title, I cringed.

Ben got to come home on Saturday. 

Before that, Rey spent Friday with Annie, she took the little girl to school, then after they went back to see Ben in the hospital. Ben was doing better on Friday, much less loopy and out of bed, walking with a single crutch to put his weight on. 

He was assigned two weeks of sick leave from work, but it would still be several weeks after that until he could have the casts taken off. The sick leave was mostly for pain reasons. 

He took a taxi back home on Saturday. 

When he entered the apartment, there was a delicious smell in the air, something had definitely been baked. 

“Hello! Snickers, I’m home.” Ben bent over to take off his shoes. He got tackled on his ass by an over excited kid barreling at his neck. 

“Daddy I missed you so much!” Annie was so happy Ben bit back the cry of pain her assault sent through his broken body, and just took it, hugging her back. It did feel good to be back home, even though he was gone for only two days. He really didn’t like being in the hospital, it gave him the creeps. 

“Missed you too.” he whispered, while climbing off the ground. Annie didn’t let go of his healthy hand, but kept tugging him to come with her. 

“We baked cookies.” 

“Cookies?” Ben lifted his brows with approval, limping behind Annie to the kitchen. 

Rey was there, and she flashed him a welcoming smile. Ben resisted the urge to walk to her and kiss her then and there. He hadn’t realised how much he wanted someone to be there waiting for him to get home, but the warm glow it brought to his chest was a sign he was planning to ignore for life. For now, he had to, but only for now. 

“Hi”, he also filed away the tingly sensation that the little apron Rey was wearing over her clothes caused. It was 1950s housewife-ish, and Ben wasn’t exactly sure why it was working for him, but he was willing to ignore that line of thought as well. He thought about getting her a polka-dot dress to go with it - it could either end with her laughing or calling him a sexist. 

“Thank you for taking care of Annie. I don’t know what I would have done.” he was being genuine. Rey had been an incredible help, and deserved some honest acknowledgement. “I’ll repay this somehow.” 

“I’m sure you will.” Rey’s mouth tugged in a manner that was no less wicked, and Ben’s brain sent out an error code, before she took it under control and gave him a genuine smile instead.

Screw the polka-dot dress, he would work his hardest to one day have the pleasure of buying her a white one. 

“And you’re welcome, but it was no bother.” she waved her hand nonchalantly through the air. “I couldn’t leave you in trouble.” 

Ben sat on a chair. Annie was getting impatient, and as soon as Ben sat she climbed on his knee, the one that didn’t have a broken ankle under it. 

“Daddy, taste the cookies!” she grabbed a huge chocolate chip cookie from the table and shoved it at his mouth. 

Ben took a bite making a sound that he initially planned on faking, but it came out genuine of how absolutely delicious the cookie actually was. It was still a bit warm, chewy on the inside and crisp on the outside, the chocolate chips melting across his tongue - it was damn near the perfect cookie. 

“Oh my goodness, snickers I should let you bake more often.. “ he stuffed the rest in his mouth and Annie beamed up at him. 

“Miss Johnson helped. We measured together, and I made them into balls, and she used the oven.” Annie explained, very proud of her contribution.

“Sounds like you and Miss Johnson had a lot of fun.” 

“It was fun with Miss Johnson but I’m glad you’re home.” Annie murmured, hugging his middle tightly. Ben bit his lips, nodding. God Annie could be too sweet sometimes. 

“I’m gonna go lay down.. Have you shown Miss Johnson your doll house yet?” Ben helped Annie to the floor. 

“No, but we built a lego spaceship!” 

“A spaceship, that’s impressive.” Ben grinned and got up himself. His ankle had a hard shell cast so he could put it on the ground, but he chose not to. It was still incredibly sensitive. 

  
  
  
***  
  


Rey hummed while she did the dishes by the sink. She actually enjoyed housework, it was probably a bit weird, but she appreciated when things were clean and neat, and since she’d been the one to dirty all the bowls, she felt it was her duty to wash them as well. 

From where she was standing, she had a clear view to Ben’s bedroom, the door open and the man himself, laying on the bed on his phone. 

“You don’t have to do the dishes, I got it!” he called out.

Rey somehow knew he’d say that, but she didn’t care. 

“Try and stop me!”

Ben laughed at that, reaching over to put his phone on the nightstand. Rey followed from the corner of her eye. 

“Do you snore?” he called out again.

“What?” Rey looked over, her hands covered in soap bubbles. Ben had switched his phone to what appeared to be his mechanical alarm clock. She rinsed her hands under running water before drying them to a towel.

“I have a sleep recorder, it tracks noises I make in the night. Sorry, I didn’t remember to warn you.” Ben did something, and noises started to play. Little rustling sounds came from the machine, just normal things from changing position, shifting and being a human. 

Then there was a sound that was definitely a quiet moan, followed by a whimpering of his name. 

Rey’s face became the image of horror. 

Ben fumbled the recorder from his hand like it had burned him. It dropped on the floor but it kept playing those explicit sounds, fairly loudly too, Ben yelped. 

To say Rey ran to the room was an understatement. She was there before Ben could so much as toss a leg off the bed, on her knees on the floor pushing every button there was, and somehow making the recorder play only louder. 

“Make it stop!” she pushed to Ben and he fumbled for a bit before getting it quiet down. 

The two adults were panting, red faced for two different reasons. 

Rey because that had been extremely embarrassing for her. 

Ben because he was visibly turned on. 

His boxer-sweatpants combo did him no favors, and he hastily pulled on sheets to cover up, but even still it was fairly obvious. 

“I uh-” Rey started, climbing back to her feet. She looked over her shoulder to make sure Annie was still in her room, before closing the door. “I’m sorry.” she pinched her lip between her teeth. “I knew I shouldn’t have- but I promise I had the door closed and Annie was sound asleep-” 

Ben hitched himself on one elbow with an extremely confused look on his face, which then broke into a laugh. 

“Rey, I’m not mad”, he wiped his brow “God knows I’ve done worse things in this house..” he sunk back to his pillow.

“Oh..” Rey said out of relief, and took a few curious steps towards him and the bed. She didn’t try to hide her eyes going down from his face to his groin and the companion down there, making himself noted. 

“That looks inconvenient.” Rey’s lips tugged. Ben shrugged the best he could without wincing in pain, his eyes going to Rey. He looked hesitating for just a second, before another, much more playful expression took over. 

“Too bad my arm is broken.” 

Rey’s attention jumped to his face. Ben had a suggestive smirk on his lips. She knew he wasn’t going to say it out loud, he wasn’t that type of person, but his mind was clear for her to read. 

“Too bad..” she propped sideways on the edge of the bed, her nails traveling on his stomach. “This is a conundrum.. “ she leaned in, and pecked his lips. 

Ben smiled against her mouth. 

“Truly.” he sighed melodramatically. “I got hit by a car and lived, I feel like I deserve a cookie.” 

“Hmm you feel like that?” Rey spoke low, pressing chaste kisses on his lips while her hand ventured on the exposed skin around his naval. 

“I do.” Ben nodded surely. 

“What about Annie?” Rey drew back a little. As much as she didn’t want to ruin the mood, she didn’t want Annie bursting through the door with her hand down his father’s pants. 

“What was she doing?”

“Watching cartoons on the tablet in her room.”

“Then we’re good.” All worry faded from him. He explained that he was fairly strict with screen time, and Annie was the type of kid that wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to get a few minutes extra. As long as Ben didn’t come take the tablet away, she would be glued to it. Rey suspected this wouldn’t be the first time the electronic babysitter was used to get some private time. 

Rey leaned back down to kiss him a bit longer then. 

“About- that cookie-” Ben hummed to her mouth, healthy left hand coming up to caress her jaw before traveling to her side. 

“Do you want a cookie?” her hand went down until she was lightly touching the outline of his cock with her fingertips, making Ben’s back arch for her touch. 

“Please”, his whiskey eyes were heated and begging. Rey granted his wish, taking a firm hold over the fabric of his pants and squeezing. 

Ben breathed out, his eyes squinting while Rey’s hand made work of him over his clothes. Palming him, feeling how he got harder with every touch. 

“Lube?” she asked. Ben nodded to the nightstand, and as swiftly as she could she pulled out a pump bottle, and took maybe a bit too generous amount in the bottom of her palm. 

She used her non-lubed hand to pull down his pants, just enough to get him fully exposed to her eyes. Ben was awfully quiet in that moment, and Rey knew she was expected to say something. Gladly she didn’t have to fake being pleasantly surprised because well, she’d had a pretty good impression of the kind of package she’d be handling. Not painfully humongous but nothing to be ashamed of in the men’s locker room - the Honda of penises. She was more than pleased with her findings. 

She knew exactly what to say when she glided her lubed hand over his length. She looked over in his eyes, grinned and with the most confidence she’d ever had, she whispered: “Nice.”

Ben’s lip pinched between his lips and his eyes fell down, but she could feel the single word had hit the mark because he twitched in her hand. What could she say - she knew what made this highly self-aware man tingle. He wouldn’t have bought it if she’s gawked and gasped, but a genuine acknowledgement was where to aim. 

Rey’s hand made a nice glide over his hard length, squeezing a little each time she brought her hand over to the sensitive head, and rolled that in the bottom of her palm. That made the man groan low in his throat, his head tipping back and exposing his jaw to Rey, the tendons of his neck tight. 

“Do you like that?” Rey asked, pumping him faster. There was a wet squelch each time she stroked him, twisting and experimenting with what technique worked the best in this particular case. His hips kept shifting the entire time, the little juts coming instinctively like he was fucking up into her fist. 

“You- you could grip a little tighter- if you want to-” 

Ben’s voice was a grumble in his throat. Rey half wanted to laugh.  _ If you want to _ . He’d said it like asking her to grip tighter was the same as asking her to dress as Elmo and dance for him. 

She did just that, and tightened her hold around him while she kept on jerking him off. Ben made a gasping sound and by the looks of it wouldn’t be lasting much longer. 

Rey cupped his head with her hand, and he came, cum seeping through her fingers but not spraying uncontrollably everywhere. 

Rey coaxed him with a few more pumps, before letting him go soft in her hand. She took a few tissues from the nightstand and wiped her hand clean, as well as Ben’s dick and whatever had gotten on his abdomen, before tucking him back in his pants and pulling them back up to his hips. 

Rey got up to toss the tissues when Ben grabbed her wrist. 

“Don’t go yet”, he looked like she was about to leave forever. 

“Give me a second.” Rey smiled and she went to the kitchen to put the papers away as well as check that Annie was still distracted. When that held true, she returned to the bedroom with a smile. 

Ben opened his good arm for her to come there. She circled around the bed and scooted in the crook of his arm. He immediately pulled her close and kissed her mouth and then cheek and brow. 

“I want to tell you to sit on my face but I don’t know how to be graceful about it”, Ben murmured, making Rey giggle. She scratched his chest over his shirt and grinned. 

“Maybe after you’re not so injured.. And also I think we should try and spend a little less time together.” 

Ben stiffened completely. “Oh.. Um- okay.” his face turned away from her, but Rey saw how his lip pinched up between his teeth. 

Rey’s eyes widened when she realised how what she said came off. “Oh God! No, Ben, that’s not what I meant.” She was struggling for words. “It’s Annie. She was crying the other day because you haven’t been home, before the accident. When you didn’t come pick her up she thought you were leaving her.” 

That got Ben’s attention. He looked at Rey with his brows scrunched up with worry. 

“Why would she think that?”

“She.. She said you’ve been coming home late and I realise it’s because of me.. And then she said something about social services taking her away- Is that real?” 

“What!?” Ben sat up rapidly but it hurt his collarbone and he hissed back to the pillow. 

“No, that’s not real, I don’t know where- Oh.. “ his face fell. “It was a while ago- I had a rough day and I yelled at my parents and cried about if I fucked up social services would take her- because of my issues, it would probably take one complaint and they’d be dragging her away from her crazy, anger issued father.” Ben rubbed his face, trying to hold it together. “I didn’t think she’d remember that, I didn’t actually mean anyone was taking her..” 

Rey listened carefully. He did have a point about social services there. One complaint and especially in the case of men they really didn’t let things like that slide. Ben probably had a statement from a psychologist too, confirming what she already knew about his issues, as well as the bright side, of his progress and how he had it under control. 

“Kids are more perceptive than we give them credit for. They remember little things we slip out.” Rey stroked his head, drawing tiny circles on the baby hairs growing in his hairline. 

“You’re right.. Of course you are.” he sighed, looking over, his whiskey eyes sad but understanding. “So we should cut it back for a while.. I mean date-wise, we’ll still see at school and over the phone, right?”

“Of course. I’m not done with you yet.” Rey cooed, leaning down to kiss him. It wasn’t a really passionate kiss, but more reassuring. She wanted to ask if he remembered telling the hospital staff she was his girlfriend but decided against it. It was too soon, and the moment wasn’t right. They had all the time in the world to have that conversation - when his daughter wasn’t suffering from separation anxiety. 

Instead she went with another topic she’d discovered.

“Also your mother knows about us.”

“Why didn’t that car just kill me...” Ben groaned and pulled away from the kiss. “How?”

“I spoke with her on the phone and asked, and I quote, if I was fooling around with her son. And I didn’t get a word out before she’d come to the conclusion that yes I am.” 

Ben groaned, muttering something about his mother’s inability to keep her nose out of things that don’t belong to her. 

  
  


***

  
  


Rey left home soon after that. 

Nearing bedtime Ben realised that he had some important things he needed to discuss with Annie. He couldn’t have her thinking that he could ever abandon her or that people were planning to take her away. 

Turned out that he didn’t have to. When the clock turned 8:30, Annie walked to his door with a pillow in hand, her pyjamas on, looking sheepish. 

It was odd because usually Ben had to remind her that it was bedtime. 

“Hi snickers”, he smiled. 

“Hi.. “ she sounded unsure. 

“You’re already ready for bed? Did you brush your teeth?” 

Annie nodded, fiddling with the loose corner of the pillowcase. 

“Is there something on your mind?” it was obvious, but Ben wanted her to be able to tell herself. 

Annie nodded again. Ben patted the edge of the bed with his healthy hand. His daughter climbed there, her feet on the bed and she looked down at her lap. 

“What is it, snickers? You can tell me.” Ben pet her head and waited. He didn’t want to pressure her into anything. If she couldn’t say it he could bring it up. Either way there was an elephant in the room that needed addressing. 

“Are you leaving me?” her voice wasn’t above a whisper. 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because.. Because you’re not home anymore.. And we fought- and- and- the service is taking me away!” it all came out in a wash, and Annie was crying. Ben had to swallow the huge lump in his throat to not break then and there. 

“Snickers, sweetie that’s not true. Not true at all.” he hushed, pulling her to his side. “No one is taking you away and I’m not going anywhere.”

“But you said-” 

“I know what I said.. I didn’t mean it.”

“Then why did you say it?” Annie’s eyes turned up, they were huge and watery and confused. 

“Well.. You know why daddy writes in his journal? And why I go to the gym and why I sometimes yell when I don’t mean to?” he spoke as softly as he could.

Annie nodded. “It’s because you get angry, but you don’t want to be angry. And that stuff helps.” 

Ben smiled a little. It was a bit difficult to try and put anger issues in a way that a child her age would understand, so he was glad Annie had a fairly accurate grasp on his situation - as accurate as it could be from a 5-year-old’s perspective. 

“That’s right. And- well some people might think that I’m a bad dad because I get angry. Because I get angry more often than other people. So they might think that you’d be happier elsewhere, away from me. And I said that then because I was really scared that it could happen.” 

Annie listened, truly listened. She frowned, her tiny hands coming to grip his finger. “But you’re not a bad dad, I love you. I don’t want to be anywhere else.”

Ben made a sound, like a choked out whimper. He barely held it together. Annie always spoke her mind and she had said it like it was as plain as day. 

“Daddy has a condition… it means that it’s something I can’t get rid of. I can’t stop getting mad at things, but I am better at it than I was when I was young. But I can never fully stop. So people hear that and then that’s what they see... Sometimes it’s necessary. Some kids have moms or dads who scare them and do bad things to them.” Ben rubbed his head, trying to explain the best he could. 

“Like what bad things?” 

“Well..” Ben glanced at Annie. “They might hit their kids. Or send them to bed without dinner.. or yell at them a lot, that’s.. that’s one too..” Ben didn’t want to sugar coat it too much, or feel like he was defending his own issue. 

Annie looked thoughtful. “You’re not like that. You yell sometimes but.. it’s not because you want to be mean. It’s in your head, because you have a- con- con..duction.” 

Ben laughed a bit, shaking his head. “Condition, yea.. I still shouldn’t yell, it’s not good.” 

“I’m not scared of you.” 

“You’re not?” 

Annie shook her head. She looked up at him and smiled. “No, you’re mostly funny. A bit smelly sometimes but that’s okay.” 

Ben actually laughed at that, feeling better. “Smelly huh..” 

“When you put that stuff on your face.” 

“Cologne?” he offered and Annie nodded. 

That was news to Ben. Maybe he needed to stop. He considered asking Rey, if she thought it was bad or if this was just Annie talking. 

Annie was back to fiddling with the corner of the pillow. 

“Why do you have that with you?” 

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Annie peeked up at him, but didn’t hold eye contact for more than a second. 

“Of course.” he sighed contently, and watched Annie get visibly happier as she climbed to the free side of the bed and made nest there. 

“I’m coming to sleep as well, I’m tired.” Ben said after he tugged Annie in. Changing clothes was an operation with the arm sling and he did have to ask Annie to help his shirt off after struggling with it for five minutes. She thought it was funny and said she could be his nurse until his arm healed. 

Finally in his pyjamas and in the bed Ben could let go of a heavy breath and sink deep to the mattress. He hummed Greensleeves to Annie, petting her hair while she was already starting to doze off. 

Ben relaxed, closing his eyes until he felt shifting on his other side. 

“Daddy.” 

“Hm?” he turned to look and before he could do anything Annie kissed his cheek and crawled back under. 

“I didn’t give you one on Thursday even though you asked.”

Ben wanted to laugh, but instead he just smiled. 

“Snickers you don’t have to kiss anyone if you don’t want to.” 

“I know. Now I wanted to.” 

Ben’s eyes prickled with his smile. “I love you.” 

“Love you too.” Annie said, now a lot more coyly than when she’s said it before. 

Ben closed his eyes again, this time ready to sleep but not before handing Annie his hand to hold. He held her tiny first in the bottom of his and knew that things would be better from here on out. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Happy New Year and all that good stuff :) I was laughing while writing this because I can't write "serious" smut so I end up talking about cars and Elmo but well.. Anyway, I liked this chapter we got heartwarming Annie and Ben content and that's really all I care about at this point.


	12. School pictures

The school pictures came, and Ben was very proud to have Annie’s very first school picture to put on the fridge. 

Annie was also excited. She made a whole deal about it, they had a ceremony, where she walked across their home with the picture in hand and Ben had to pick her up in one arm - the healthy one - so she could put the picture at the very top with a magnet. It was a bit smaller than a postcard. Ben had considered getting a fridge magnet with her picture, but decided against it at the last minute - it felt a bit too pretentious for his taste. 

Annie was very proud, pointing out everyone in the class picture, basically rattling their names in one breath. Jenny, Dede, Marcus, another Jenny, Raymond, Michaela, Angie and a dozen others. Ben was positive he’d never learn all their names, but it was not like he actually needed to. He knew who Dede was and Jenny, not the other Jenny, because they were Annie’s friends and had come over a couple weekends for a playdate. 

Miss Johnson was also in the picture, looking lovely as ever, and Ben tried to hide the fact that he was much more interested in looking at her than the other 5-year-olds. Lucky for him, Annie didn’t seem to notice his disinterest in what Angie put up her nose last week. 

Ben admitted it was fun to watch Annie so excited about something. She clearly liked the picture and later that day they headed out to go give grandma and grandpa a picture to put on their bookshelf. Ben was sure Annie had some kind of ceremony prepared for that as well. 

It had been two weeks since Ben got home from the accident, and he’d been enjoying his sick-days by spending as much of his time with Annie as he could, and he really felt like things were getting better. Annie was no longer worried about him leaving her - at least she didn’t cry about it or act strange - but also after a week she started to ask for time for herself. 

Ben considered that a good thing. She’d started to not cling to Ben every second, and voluntarily spent time alone. Ben was starting to suspect that maybe her earlier outburst had been the result of not getting enough attention for a while - not exactly a good thing that she’d taken it to the extent of thinking he was abandoning her, but Ben didn’t want to think too deeply about it. Ben let her be by herself when she wanted to, and spent most of his free time texting Rey. 

It was Saturday, and he really, really wanted to see her again. Of course they’d met briefly each day when he came to get Annie from school, but it wasn’t the same as getting to talk to her for as long as he wanted. 

Ben was starting to think that maybe he was the one with separation anxiety. 

They took the bus to Han and Leia, and Annie was immediately prepared to put her picture up. Ben found it funny, he’d always hated school pictures as a kid, and did anything and everything to not have them presented in their house. Annie was not like that - she was proud. She loved having her picture taken, no matter where it was, on a real camera or just Ben playing around with his phone, she was always ready for a photo. 

“Grandpa look!” she ran through the front door after hugging Leia’s legs, foregoing taking off her shoes and jacket and other outer clothes and just storming in with the picture in hand. 

“Hi”, Ben gave his mother a smile, and tried to ignore the obvious question in her eyes. 

He’d managed not to meet his parents during the two weeks, mostly because Ben assured them on the phone that he was fine, even mentioning that Rey was there to help out the first weekend, even though he knew that would only stir the pot. 

“Hello”, she took in his multiple casts and the crutch he had to use for walking, to not put his weight too much on his foot. “So this is what fine looks like?” 

Ben rolled his eyes. At least his face wasn’t as bruised anymore. “Well it doesn’t hurt, so yea, this is fine.” 

“I’m glad you had help.” she said with a tone that suggested more, and Ben almost groaned. He knew what she was thinking and he wasn’t going to go down that rabbit hole. His mother could be infuriatingly nosy about his personal life, and this was not something he was ready to talk about.

“Yea”, he said simply, pushing his way inside to take off his jacket and shoes. 

“Ben, I hope you know I’m not trying to tease you. I’m glad you’re moving on.”

“Moving on has nothing to do with it.” That was true. Ben wasn’t hung up on the mother of his child, even though that was a bit of an awful thing to think about. 

“You know what I mean. It’s about time you live for yourself.” 

Ben spun around on his heels. “This may surprise you, but I don’t need a partner to live my own life.” he hissed under his breath, through his teeth. 

Leia stood still, arms crossed over her chest, unfazed by his words. 

“So you really like her, huh.” she said smugly, a smirk on her face. 

Ben’s face fell. “What?” 

“You’re always like this. Whenever things matter to you, you get defensive. You’re overly protective of Annie, you were like that with her mother when she was pregnant, as a kid you’d hide your favourite toys before your friends came over.. so yea, you like this woman.” 

Ben felt like she’d just hit him with a brick. He wanted to argue, but it was true. Instead he huffed with frustration at his lack of a response. It only made Leia smirk further. She didn’t say anything more, just walked to the living room where Han and Annie were putting the picture on the shelf. 

Ben followed shortly, after getting his composure back. He came in just to see that they were all gathered around the class picture, with Annie pointing eagerly at all the other kids. 

Ben had heard the story already, so he went to get a glass of water instead. 

As he was walking back, he nearly spat when he heard his daughter’s wall piercing squeal. 

“Daddy has a crush on Rey!” 

Ben strode the rest of the way, stopping at the doorstep. 

“Don’t drag her into this!” he was visibly upset, glaring at his parents. He thought he’d kept the situation under wraps from Annie so far, and she didn’t need to know for a long time. 

He was met with three extremely confused faces. 

“I guess we’re talking about this now..” Han shrugged, leaning back on the sofa. His smug grin told Ben that there was something going on that Ben hadn’t understood. 

“Dad, I already told you.” Annie frowned back at him. “Dede has a crush on Ray, she said so.” 

It was Ben’s turn to be the confused one. 

Leia took the picture in hand and pointed fingers at two kids. “Dede here has a crush on Raymond. Isn’t that nice, Ben?” her smile was so vile that Ben had a hard time looking at it. 

“Right.. Sure.” Ben could feel his cheeks begin to flame. He made the choice to just leave the room, turning around and locking himself to the bathroom because he was a mature adult and that’s how adults handle things - by avoiding uncomfortable situations and not talking about their feelings. 

After a few minutes he wasn’t as embarrassed anymore by the confusion, but he still didn’t want to rejoin the group. His plan was to sit there until the sun died out, but unfortunately his phone buzzed before that happened. 

  
  


**Rey Johnson 1:04pm**

Do you have plans for today? 

  
  


Ben couldn’t help the excited twist his stomach made. He was hopeless, no matter how much he denied it, he really liked Rey and if she sometime in the near future decided that this wasn’t for her, well it would have crushed him. 

**Ben Solo 1:05pm**

Not really. 

**Rey Johnson 1:05pm**

If you can get a sitter, would you like to have dinner? I have a table reservation for two at 8:30…

**Ben Solo 1:06pm**

How fancy? 

**Rey Johnson 1:06pm**

Blazer fancy, not suit fancy. 

**Ben Solo 1:06pm**

Sounds like a plan. I’ll have to ask about the babysitting thing, but I’m pretty sure my parents can take Annie. 

**Rey Johnson 1:07pm**

Nice. Let me know. 

**Rey Johnson 1:07pm**

About the sitter… any chance you could get them for the whole night? 

  
  


Ben’s heart picked up speed. His nostrils flared with how hard he was breathing. 

  
  


**Rey Johnson 1:09pm**

No pressure tho.. but you know.. just in case? 

  
  


Ben realised he hadn’t answered, and it had been several minutes of him just staring at his phone, feeling like Michael in The Office season 5, episode 14, 01:32. 

  
  


**Ben Solo 1:10pm**

Yes that’s perfectly okay.

**Rey Johnson 1:10pm**

Seriously, no pressure. Nothing has to happen, so don’t freak out. 

**Ben Solo 1:11pm**

I’m not freaking out.

**Rey Johnson 1:12pm**

I can see you sweating all the way from here. 

**Ben Solo 1:12pm**

Alright, I did almost freak out just now. Almost. But no, that’s a good idea. Better safe than sorry, I suppose. 

  
  


Ben couldn’t believe how lame that sounded, even in his head. A woman he liked wanted to have sex with him and he made it sound like he was just okay with the idea. He was fucking enthusiastic, but that didn’t take away fears he had about it - he didn’t want to disappoint her and in his mind that was very likely to happen. It felt like a strange concern, given that she’d already made him finish twice, once without meaning to, but Ben still counted it. However, in his head that only made the pressure to do well that much greater. He hadn’t given her anything so far. 

  
  


**Rey Johnson 1:13pm**

Exactly. So text me when you know.

  
  


Ben sent one more text, agreeing to her terms, before heading out of the bathroom.

_ Act normal. Act normal. Act normal.  _

What was normal even, he had to wonder? How did he usually walk and hold his hands? He was lucky to run into Han in the hallway, but unlucky in the sense that his father immediately squinted at him. 

“You’re being weird.” he said decidedly, like it wasn’t up for debate. 

“Am I?” Ben attempted to smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace.

“Yes.” 

Ben sighed. He just needed to ask. That’s all he needed to do. 

“Hey um.. do you and mom have plans for this evening? I might need a sitter for like.. a few hours.” he couldn’t believe he was about to chicken out because of nerves. 

“Few hours?” Ben hated how Han seemed to see right through him. “Just leave her for the night.” 

“No- um- the few hours would be fine..” Ben shook his head. He was a fucking chicken and now even his father knew. Who was he kidding, Han had always known. 

“Whatever you say.” Han shrugged, his eyes rolling in his head. “Let me guess, this would be the first time and you’re scared?” 

“Dad.” 

“Am I wrong? Ben, you’re so obvious, it’s painful to look at.” he waved his hand through the air. “Don’t overthink it. Sex hasn’t changed in the past years.” 

“Dad!” Ben’s neck itched. This was definitely climbing to the top 10 list of the worst conversations he’d had with his father. 

“Again. Obvious.” he put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Listen up, kid. Women usually don’t care about how much you clock in, if you get them where they need to go, okay?” 

“I don’t need advice on how to have sex, thank you very much.” Ben shrugged his hand off, feeling uncomfortable with the whole situation. 

“Then you have no reason to be worried, now do you?” Han smirked. 

Ben huffed. He’d been talked into a corner again. It seemed to happen a lot with his parents. Han did have a point. Ben was confident he knew what to do, it just had been such a long time the leap he needed to take was getting bigger and bigger. 

“Okay- Fine- this is some questionable parenting you know.” Ben gave up, opting for a more sarcastic approach. Han laughed a little. 

“I don’t take criticism from a thirty-year-old who’s afraid of vaginas.” 

Yep, definitely the worst conversation he’d had with his dad so far. 

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I’m gonna go tell Annie she’s staying here tonight.” Ben put his hands in his pockets and left, but he could still hear Han chuckling to himself as he walked down the hall. 

Annie took the news surprisingly well. She didn’t question it, after Ben said he had “dad-stuff” to do. Whatever that meat to a 5-year-old, he didn’t know, and he didn’t really care either. 

At six he left, but not before Han could slip him a pack of Trojans. Ben rolled his eyes at him, but in his mind he was thankful, because now he didn’t have to go to the convenience store. Ben was an adult, but he hated going to a store and only buying condoms because the sales person always managed to give him a look. Yes, asshole, he’s about to get laid, go mind your own business. 

Ben went home and showered. He stood in front of the mirror, wondering if he should try to shave his beard with his left hand - still unable to fully work with the right one. That was another thing he was considering, of how much his injuries would be in the way of things. He supposed they could move around them, it was not like he needed to stand - at least that wasn’t his immediate plan, and he could be careful not to lean too roughly on his right arm. Two fours of his limbs might have been out of the game, but the power of boners was stronger. 

Ben rarely paid any attention to what he was wearing anymore - he had work clothes and casual clothes, but he wasn’t trying to impress anyone. Rey had said blazer fancy, so he chose black slacks, a white button up and a deep blue blazer. He combed his hair, mixing it with some product that gave it an airy, effortless look. He couldn’t remember being this nervous for a date in a while - even with Rey their dates were more casual, they hadn’t actually been to a fancy dinner yet. 

Ben took a taxi, and on the way, he tried his best to not let expectations go to his head. He’d had dinner with Rey many times already - this wasn’t any different. Except it was in all the ways that shouldn’t have mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took once again forever. It was going to be one long chapter but then because I was struggling with the second half I just decided to cut it here and leave the actual date for next time :)
> 
> Thank you for reading and stay safe ♥


	13. Chicken and other delights of adulthood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey's date
> 
> CW: brief mention of pregnancy, like one sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait what? Already??? What the hell happened??
> 
> Well the fact that I was feeling pressure from not having published anything happened, so when I posted the other day, that pressure went away and would you look at that I could finish the rest of that chapter. Magic. Enjoy ♥

Ben was surprised that Rey didn’t live that far from Han and Leia, only around a mile away - in an actual house nonetheless. Ben already knew that, but once he was standing outside the front door of her two story house, it felt a bit daunting. After moving away from home, Ben had only ever lived in dorms and apartments. 

He rang the doorbell and waited. He was a bit early, but he hoped Rey wouldn’t mind. He wondered if he should have gotten her something, like flowers or chocolates or-

“Hi”, Rey opened the door, giving him a smile so bright he didn’t have time to finish that line of thought. 

“Hi”, Ben smiled back at her, leaning against his crutch. 

“Come in”, she let him pass. “You clean up nicely.” 

“Thank you, so do you.” he looked over, only to realise she wasn’t dressed yet, but in a thigh length robe. Rey laughed, clearly not minding. 

“Where did the beard come from?” she graced the underside of his chin with her finger, sending a shiver down his spine. 

“I call it my _I don’t trust my left hand with a razor_ -beard.” Ben shook his head, already regretting not risking a few cuts and shaving. 

“It’s.. cute.” she hesitated and they both knew it. Ben groaned out loud. That only solidified his regret of not shaving after all. Rey gave him a pout and played around with the stubble. “Maybe after a few weeks it’ll grow in full?” she suggested hopefully, and Ben sighed. 

“Can I still kiss you?” he asked, just to be sure, even though he was fairly certain he knew the answer. 

Rey laughed, and snatched a few of his unimpressive bristles between her fingers and pulled him down to a kiss that was soft, but radiated enough emotion that Ben was sure the beard wouldn’t be a deal breaker. 

Rey pulled back after a few seconds and smiled up at him. 

“I need your opinion on my dress, I have two options.” She took his hand and led him upstairs - it took Ben a hot minute to climb to the second floor, stopping half way up to catch his breath. Walking up stairs with a crutch and holding one leg in the air wasn’t exactly that easy. 

“So do you sell crack or feet pictures to be able to afford a house like this?” he huffed, continuing his climb up. Rey was already there, waiting for him to finish his journey. 

“I inherited some money from a long lost grandfather.” she smirked and gave Ben a peck on the cheek once he got up. “I never met him, but rumor says he was a piece of shit.” she walked down the hall, hips swaying gently from side to side. “And also feet pictures.” 

“Really?” Ben followed her to a master bedroom. It was a bit smaller than he expected, but who was he to say anything about that. It was a bit messy from life, with clothes on the floor, but nothing appalling. She had framed pictures taken with her friends on her drawer. 

“Well no. I have really unattractive feet, actually.” she smirked, and spread out two dresses on the bed. Ben was still looking at the pictures. 

“Is that Dameron?” He pointed to a photo with four people in it, one was Rey, then there was the Tico girl who was her friend, the man he assumed was Dameron and another man he was kissing on the cheek. They all looked very drunk and they all had new years hats on. 

“You know Poe?” Rey smiled. 

“In the most minimal way. Of all my students I hate him the least. Annie likes him though.” Ben turned around and turned his eyes to the two dresses. One was a floral print with a bell shaped bottom and a v-neck, and the other one was a purple bodycon dress with long, off shoulder sleeves. 

“Poe is Finn’s boyfriend, and because me, Rose and Finn are friends we sort of adopted Poe in the process.” Rey explained and followed how Ben examined the two dressed, fiddling with the fabrics and measuring them in the air, like he was seriously giving it thought. 

“I didn’t know Dameron had a boyfriend.” 

“Tread carefully, if you say something homophobic we’re done.” 

“That implies that we have a relationship to begin with.” he flashed her a smile, and liked that she blushed a little. Ben had never really thought that other people’s sexuality was any of his concern. He’d simply stated the first thing that came into his mind, much like if he opened the TV and stated out loud what had popped on screen. “I was just making an observation. I don’t care who anyone dates, it’s none of my business.” Ben said finally, and gave Rey the purple dress. 

“Your choice is pretty obvious.” Rey gave him a grin, and he nodded. He’d liked the floral dress too, but he just really wanted to see her in that skin tight dress that would most likely make everyone in the restaurant think he’s the luckiest man on earth. 

“Then you had no reason to ask my opinion, now did you?” he put his hand on his hip and allowed his eyes to pan down her legs. “Should I go?” 

“No, I want you to know what I have reserved for you.” She tugged on the ties that kept her robe closed, and Ben just about swallowed his tongue when she let it slip down her shoulders and to the floor. 

Ben had assumed she was wearing black pantyhose, but they were actually stockings, held up by a simple see through garter belt and black panties and a matching strapless bra. It was simple enough to not be over the top, but so incredibly sexy that Ben felt his dick stiffen a bit just from the sight of it. 

He didn’t know what kind of expression he was making, but Rey grinned at him and stepped in the purple dress and pulled it up her body, hiding everything under and oooh it was cruel of her to do that to him. But he liked it. He liked it so goddamn much he would be thinking about it on his deathbed. 

“You..” he started, once his body had blood to spare for his brain as well, “are a lot bolder than I thought.” 

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Rey went to her closet to get a pair of heels. Ben realised he’d never seen her in heels either. 

“That’s an incredibly good thing.” Ben puffed, trying to discreetly move his still half-hard dick into a less obvious position, but he wasn’t sure if what he was doing counted as discreet, or just brought more attention to it. Luckily Rey didn’t say anything, just grabbed her purse and threw it over one shoulder. 

They took a cab to the restaurant, which one, Rey still hadn’t disclosed. Ben wasn’t exactly fond of surprises, they were just the sort of thing that tended to drive him to the edge - he liked to know what was coming so he could prepare mentally. This time he was fine with it, since he trusted Rey’s taste. 

It was still sort of annoying when the cab stopped and he recognised where they were: Maz’s. Not only was it a nice restaurant, the type of place you would take someone on the infamous third date on, or something like the fifteenth date in their case if dinner at Wendy’s after work counter as a date, but it was also owned and run by Ben’s godmother.

“You don’t look happy”, Rey said when they were still outside. 

“I’m happy.. But this is my godmother’s restaurant.. so I hope she’s not here.” 

Ben’s hope was flushed down the toilet in the next five minutes once they had their table and the tiny lady with a sassy energy around him arrived with two menus. 

“Benjamin!” she exclaimed once she recognised him, and right away she measured him up and down, adjusting her huge glasses on her short nose. “I would ask about the casts and the crutch but you appear to have someone’s armpit on your chin.” 

“Thank you Maz, can I hear the specials?” Ben tried to ignore her the best he could, his eyes fixated on the menu. However, he couldn’t stop the cackling laugh that left Rey in that moment and she slapped the table. 

“I’m sorry- it was so accurate.” she covered her mouth with her hand and kept snickering. 

Maz’s eyes flew to her, and did the exact same measuring pan up and down before she gave her a genuine smile, which Ben was thankful for. 

“Oh that is a lovely dress, darling!” 

“Thank you, Ben chose it.” 

“I guess he does have good taste after all.” Maz smirked, tapping a pen on the order slip. 

“I’m thinking about the fish..” Ben dove deeper behind the menu. 

“Let’s start with drinks, wine? Would you like to share a bottle?” 

“Yes. Please.” Ben answered right away, before realising what it sounded like, and lowered the menu to look at Rey. “Or do you want to?”

“I think that’s a great idea.” she said and folded her menu, looking over to him with heavy eye contact and a smile. Ben thanked all mighty beings that the table had a cloth on it, because Rey’s leg just did unseemly things to his calf. 

Maz returned with a bottle of red wine and poured them two glasses while they placed their orders: Chicken for Ben and pasta for Rey. 

“So? How are you?” Ben asked, sipping from the corner of his glass. He had a hard time not looking at Rey. Her skin absolutely glowed in the low lighting of the restaurant - it had an orange hue and it brought out the freckles on her cheeks and now, to Ben’s discovery, her shoulders. 

“Better now that I’m gonna get some food in me.” she smiled, her elbows propping on the table as she placed her chin on her palm. “School pictures came today.” 

“Do teachers take portraits or just the group pictures?” 

“We can take the portrait if we want to, I did, though it’s horrible.” 

“Can I have one?” Ben asked without even thinking. “I mean- isn’t it a thing that people give those around.. “ 

“You can have one but only if you put it on the fridge door.” she grinned. Her leg was rubbing up and down his calf and Ben had a hard time forming words because of it. 

“How about in my pillow case?” 

“So I’ll be in your dreams?” she said with a cooing tone, like one would blabber to a baby. Ben let out a huff of laughter and a shake of his head. 

“You already are.”

She snorted, and Ben really liked that he could make her laugh. He especially liked the pink tone that rose to her cheeks after that. 

“That was a low hanging fruit.” she bit her lips, clearly into his stale attempts at flirting. 

“You practically shoved it down my throat, you can’t expect me to resist.” Ben grinned back, feeling how tension from his shoulders eased with every passing laugh. Maybe it was the fact that they hadn’t hung out like this in two weeks but Ben had forgotten that it was so easy to be around Rey. It didn’t take away the lingering thought in the back of his head that he had to perform exceptionally tonight to make up for everything Rey’d already given him. Not just the orgasms, but just in general. He wanted to make her as comfortable as he was and make her feel appreciated. Though yes, it would have been nice to rock her world as well. 

“Ben, I feel like I should say this just so there’s no confusion, but we don’t actually have to have sex tonight.” Rey said, like she’d somehow read his mind. Maybe his poker face wasn’t as good as Ben thought it was. He hummed, taking a long, slow drink from his wine glass. 

“I know.” he kept his eyes on her. The way she was looking at him made him want to tell her everything, in hopes that maybe he would feel lighter afterwards. “I still hope we might..” 

“Then why do you look so pained?” she reached across the table to touch his hand. “I really like you, Ben, and I think that you really like me too. So I don’t quite get it.” 

The press of her fingers on his arm was calming. Grounding.

“I just don’t want to disappoint you.. It’s been a while for me so.. I don’t know- performance anxiety?” he offered with an apologetic smile. “You’ve done so much for me already I don’t want you to feel like you’re not getting enough back.” 

“Is this about the handjob? You don’t owe me an orgasm, Ben. That’s ridiculous.” her eyes were wide like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. 

Ben’s fingers drummed the table. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, contemplating how he should phrase what he was about to say but the moment he opened his mouth it all just came rolling out in a wave. 

“What if I come right away? What if that happens, because it’s a real possibility- or if I can’t get you there, or something else happens- What if I can’t even get it up because of how nervous I am? I’m not a teenager I can’t just whistle at my dick and think it’ll bounce up like a beagle-” 

The waiter came at the worst possible moment. Ben could only be thankful it wasn’t Maz who brought their plates. 

With their food on the table and Ben thoroughly humiliated, Rey stood and crossed to his side of the table. 

“Listen to me.” she said and sat sideways on Ben’s knee, grabbing his face with one hand so he had to look at her. 

“Rey, people are looking.” he muttered. 

“I don’t care.” Her tone was cool and sharp, but not malicious. “You know what else I don’t care about? Any of the things you just mentioned. What if you come early? That happened already, so you have no reason to be embarrassed. It’s been some time, I get it, and I honestly couldn’t give a flying fuck if you last twenty minutes or twenty seconds. If you can’t get me there? Well shoot, we have all the time in the world, and most people need time getting to know each other’s bodies and what works and what doesn’t. And what if you’re too nervous to perform? Well then that’s that. I don’t care, there’s plenty of things we can do without penetration, so believe me when I say that I don’t care. I just want to be with you and be intimate with you. It’s not about who gets to orgasm or how long you can keep going, or how wet I get or any of those things.” 

She went on nearly in one breath, and at that point Ben really didn’t care that they were gathering eyes, because that was the exact moment Benjamin Solo first realised he was in love with the woman sitting on his knee and he would have told her if he wasn’t so busy blinking away the water pooling up in his eyes. 

“Okay”, he said, quietly, instead of his declaration of love for her. He nodded and repeated the “Okay.” He had no business hiding the smile on his face, and with that Rey’s serious expression melted as well, and she let go of his face, pressing a kiss to his brow before returning to her seat and to her dinner plate. He couldn’t understand how she was so much more mature than him. 

Dinner was great after that. They ordered desserts, and Ben was again surprised how easy it was, even with his brief meltdown having just happened. The air was light and Rey truly didn’t seem to mind. Ben had to wonder what exactly made him deserving or all that understanding, but he wasn’t going to question it now that he had a good thing going for him. 

For the first time, Rey was talking about her life in the UK, living in the foster system, and Ben didn’t want to miss a single thing. It wasn’t a sob story, but it did make Ben feel a little bad. He’d always known there were people out there who’d had it much worse than him, but he was getting more and more aware of how lucky he’d been, having had his parents growing up even if they hadn’t always agreed on things. 

“Do you ever want to start a family of your own?” Ben knew it was a big question, but he still hadn’t asked, and the time felt right. 

She nodded, looking at her plate and poking at the chocolate cake there. 

“I do. Not right away, of course, I’m still fairly young, but one day. I want to be married and have kids of my own, a white picket fence, that sort of thing. It’s what I would have wanted as a child growing up.” she offered him a smile. He wanted those things too. There was a time when he’d wondered if the white picket fence life was something that suited him, but year by year he was more sure he was done with elevators and listening to his neighbour shower at 1am. It would have been great if he could let Annie go play outside without having to take her to the park each time, if he had his own backyard where she could run around. 

“Well you have the fence”, he offered as a joke. “And given my track record, probably an unplanned pregnancy soon enough.. “ he muttered, wondering if that joke had crossed some line, before Rey started laughing. 

“Well if that happens I’ll just marry you, because it will be a miracle if your little friends defeat both the condom and my IUD.” she said with a light tone, but Ben couldn’t help the little jump his heart made, in all the good ways. It was much too soon to think about things like that, but he liked that she hadn’t shied away from it, even if it was just a joke. 

“Sounds like a plan”, he said and wrinkled his nose to her to indicate he was still joking. 

They split the check, and Ben waved at Maz when they left. He wondered how much of their date had been recorded in Maz’s phone and how much of it had already been sent to his mother. Probably a lot more than he would have liked, which was none. 

  
  
  


****

  
  


Ben blamed the adrenaline that he didn’t have much of a recollection of the cab ride back. 

It had all gone by so fast in his head the next thing he knew they were already in Rey’s bed. 

Taxi. Front entrance. Stairs - God he hated the stairs - And now he lay half-naked between Rey’s legs, her hands on his shoulders. Ben wanted to live in that moment forever, everything was cozy and soft, and the kisses slow enough to appreciate fully, and not just tongue and teeth clashing. 

“Ow- fuck-” 

She cupped his face with one hand when he yelped out and gave him a gentle smile. 

“It’s alright, it’s alright..” she asked huskily, breathing the same air as he did. 

“What? No. Ow- you’re squeezing my collarbone-” Ben winched again and that’s when Rey’s hand flew off his shoulder, followed by a bright laugh that made him join in. 

Ben rolled to the side, where he was no longer on top of her, taking in all the wonderful things he was seeing. The purple dress was on the floor in a pile with his clothes, as was her bra, but the stockings, garter belt and panties still remained. Ben still had his boxer briefs but he planned on getting rid of them soon enough. 

“Do you mind getting on top?” He remembered her once saying something about liking men who could tie her into a knot - Ben could in theory be that guy, but he’d need both hands to fuck her into the mattress like nobody’s business. 

“Not at all.” her leg was already slung there, and she propped herself on his hips. She had a wicked grin as she rolled herself up and over his erection. Ben could feel the warmth radiating from her through to him. It had his skin on goosebumps. 

“Get down here, I feel like I’m not participating.” Ben just laughed and pulled her flush to his chest, and began kissing her neck all sloppy-like. 

“Or do you just want to feel my boobs on you?” Rey chuckled and rolled her hips, coaxing a moan out of both of them. 

“That’s an added bonus.” 

“They’re not very big.” 

“Don’t even start. I don’t want to hear it, they’re perfect, end of discussion.” he raised a hand, put it on her butt and squeezed firmly at one peachy cheek with heart wrenching genuity in his eyes. “I’m an ass-man through and through.” he murmured, and allowed his fingers to linger from there, down the seam of her panties to her front and then down again where he slipped a finger through her puffy lips. 

She sighed, moving against his exploration, until he found what he was blindly looking for and drew circles on the sensitive nub at her apex. 

“There”, her arms cradled his face from both sides, her breath hot and heavy in his ear and Ben could feel how her body trembled when he touched her like that. God it felt good to touch her. Ben had always thought that sex was nice, but he could always achieve a climax by himself. What he had missed more than that was to give pleasure to someone else. As someone who’d always caused nothing but trouble to the people around him, it was sort of a relief to know he could still make someone shiver and pant like Rey was doing now. 

“Are you close?” he asked, not being able to help the way his hips shifted, seeking friction. It could wait, he wanted to see this through first. 

“U-huh, keep going”, she uttered in a broken pitch, her face burying to the side of his, and yes, Ben was sure this was one of the best moments of his life so far. 

She sucked in a sharp breath, and her hips ground down against his hand, trapping it between their bodies as she came, a full body shiver passing through her, and Ben had to close his eyes and focus so he wouldn’t come himself. Her muscles tensed and then relaxed all at once as she slumped over him, an out of breath but a blissed smile on her face. 

“Shit Ben.. I don’t know what you were so worried about, clearly you had no reason to.” she sighed before kissing him slow and deep, her tongue diving in his mouth. 

“Don’t say that yet”, he mumbled, but for once he actually agreed. He knew that had been a good one for her, it definitely hadn’t been a fake one, that was for sure. 

Rey gathered her breath for a minute before she leaned back up and shimmied her panties down her hips. 

“Can you leave the belt and the socks..?” Ben asked, feeling a little embarrassed to be asking, but then again, she’d been the one who put them on in the first place. It wasn’t his fault that she’d somehow nailed what his idea of sexy lingerie was. 

“For you, yes.” she smiled and tossed the panties away. Ben had already felt it but she had a cute little fluff of brown curls, which made him feel better about not being completely bare down there - what with his unimpressive body hair as it was. 

He sat up to help her get rid of his underwear, and soon she was kneeling between his legs, working him in hand in easy strokes. His dick was weeping, and he knew he wouldn’t last if she kept going for much longer. 

Rolling on the lubed condom, she hovered over him and slowly sunk down. 

The first moment when his tip met with her opening had Ben’s eyes closing and face twisting in pleasure, but he forced himself to look because he wanted to see her go down. 

It was difficult to not snap his hips up and go down in one move. Not that she needed much help, it was a snug fit and she was so soft and ready and pliant it was like sinking to a hot marshmallow - or what Ben imagined it was like, he didn’t have first hand experience in that particular metaphor. 

She met base with a quiet gasp, and Ben had to grip her thigh to stop her from moving. 

“Don’t move- fucking shit-” he groaned, feeling like he was holding on by a hair and a gentle breeze could tip him over the edge. 

Rey leaned back down to his chest and her cheeks were a pleasant pink shade, her breath elevated. “So how does it feel?” she teased and purposefully squeezed around his length. 

“Like my soul might leave my body”, he answered, truthfully, reaching over to kiss her all over her face. “God you feel so good- can I stay here forever?” 

“Please do”, she whispered, and rolled her hips. 

Ben gasped, and immediately took his thumb to her clit because he had to hurry her orgasm along because he wanted - no, needed to feel her grip around him before he came. 

Rey propped her palms on his pecs for leverage, and began to slowly drag herself up and down, her lower lip pinched between her teeth as she worked meticulously and if Ben could have he would have wanted a picture of that. She was gorgeous, the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, riding on his cock like it was her job. 

Rey moaned quietly under her breath every time she sank to base and Ben just loved hearing that. He could feel he was hitting deep, and when he met her with a push it had her gasping out loud. She picked up the pace, until she was just bouncing, switching between rolling her hips on him every now and then. Her nails would undoubtedly leave claw marks on his chest but that was something Ben welcomed. He wanted to toss her over and pound her until she was screaming his name, and one day he would. He promised himself that much as his balls tightened, and he felt his lower abdomen clench. 

“Rey I-” Ben grabbed her arm, pulling her down to his lips, jerking his hips up at her those last few pumps he needed to topple over and groan to the skin of her cheek as his dick emptied inside the condom. 

Rey rolled off of him once he sunk to the mattress. Ben could no longer remember why he’d been so nervous. 

She made the quickest run to the bathroom and when she returned she was no longer wearing the rest of her lingerie and Ben had disposed of the condom. She crawled to his side, tugging herself under his healthy arm. 

“Thank you”, Ben sighed, pressing his lips to her hairline. He inhaled deep, and held her scent in his lungs for a few seconds before releasing and exhaling. This was what he liked best: The minutes after, when they were both sated and tired. 

Rey chuckled, pinching his beard. “You don’t have to thank me for sex”, she said but didn’t seem upset at all by it. 

“I’ve always found that weird- why shouldn’t I say thank you?” he moved so he was slightly facing her. “I’m not saying that sex is a favor, but if you give me a back massage I’d be expected to say thank you. If you give me a dick massage then I think the rule should still apply.”

“Don’t ever call it a dick massage again, you weirdo.” Rey laughed, her smile reaching her ears. “And maybe it’s because it’s nice for both of us?” 

“Was that.. nice for you?” he asked, feeling his stomach twist a little. He’d definitely enjoyed himself, and he was happy he’d held on as long as he had. It was a good place to start his career of having sex again. “You didn’t finish the second time.” 

“Ben, that was more than nice, it was wonderful. You don’t owe me an orgasm, try to remember that.” she poked his nose with the tip of her finger and Ben tried to believe her. It didn’t stop him from making a mental note to himself to try and get her there next time. Next time. He didn’t bother asking if there would be one, he’d do everything in his power to make sure there was. 

Rey pulled the covers over them, and snuggled to his side. Her lashes fanned out on her cheeks when she closed her eyes and Ben thought once again that, yes, this was the woman he loved. 

“Rey”, he said softly, drawing tiny circles on her exposed arm. 

She tilted her chin to look up at him. “Yes?” 

Ben bit his lips. Too soon. One day he would tell her, but today wasn’t that day. 

“Good night.” 

She just smiled and turned her head so she kissed the crook of his shoulder. “Good night.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so. They finally did it, and honestly I'm feeling a bit insecure about that whole scene cuz I don't write that much smut, but I was thinking about it and I think my problem is that I don't like writing really over the top, graphic smut. Because in my mind 80% of the time sex isn't like it's pulled straight from a porn, so I was trying to go for something more quiet, more "realistic" intimacy idk. Anyway, I really would like to know your thoughts on that because I'm trying to improve :) 
> 
> As always thank you so much for reading and stay safe yall ♥


	14. Daddy's girlfriend

"Rey, honestly, I don’t see the point of this." Ben said as he sat on his bed and Rey sucked on his pecks.

That morning Rey had apparently realised that, yes, his pecs had been _right there_ all this time and for the past five minutes she'd been leeching on them. Admittedly Ben thought it was really nice but he wasn't getting much out of it. He didn't want to tell her to stop though, because she really seemed to like what she was doing. 

"Shhh let me do my thing." she bit the underside of his left man tit hard enough to leave teeth marks there. 

He surrendered when she kissed the spot she'd bit to ease the sting. Ben watched Rey suck on his tits like it was her one goal in life. In his mind he thought that it should have probably been the other way around but Rey seemed happy, so he was too. He put his hand on her hair and stroked through it. It was actually quite fun to watch. Or it was fun right until the point that she took one of his nipples in her mouth and sucked on that. Ben let out a high pitched squeal that rapidly turned into a painful laughing and squirming.

"Stop stop stop, that tickles- oh fuck-" his voice was almost a giggle as he grabbed her face to a hold.

"You have sensitive nipples?" she looked up at him with wide eyes and shit-eating grin on her face.

"Yes, but don't get any ideas. I won't hesitate to tackle you." he booped the tip of her nose, after he’d recovered from his burst of laughter. 

"Who said I wouldn’t want that?" Rey just grinned back at him and climbed up his torso to capture his lips with hers.

It had been a glorious few weeks. Ben still had his arm in a sling because of his collarbone, since that took longer to heal, but the four weeks had been done last week, and he'd gotten the cast off his arm. His ankle would take a bit more time, but it was such a relief to have his arm out of the cast because it was starting to smell and itch.

Other than that, things were going great. Annie was back to herself, more or less, though she was usually a bit clingy the days Ben came home later than usual. He and Rey didn't meet up every night, but once or twice a week, depending when they both had time. Annie had started to spend the night between Saturday and Sunday with Han and Leia because that arrangement worked, and Ben and Rey could have that time to themselves. Ben was a bit worried about asking his parents if that worked for them, because it was basically him asking them to take Annie once a week so he could get laid. As long as they didn't complain about it Ben was determined to be fine with it. He'd grown fond of waking up next to someone and watching Rey prance around the house in panties on Sunday mornings.

Ben returned her kiss, palm roaming her exposed back, counting between each vertebra of her spine. 

Ben did not hear the front door open and shut. In his defense, neither did Rey as they were both otherwise occupied, tangled in Ben's bed playing checkers. Except they didn't have the pieces. Or the board. Or clothes. But otherwise it was most definitely checkers.

Ben only realised what was going on when he heard actual speech coming from the living room.

"Benny are you awake yet?" The voice belonged to his mother, and Ben froze. His face lifted from where it was perched in the nape of Rey's neck and for a few seconds they just stared at each other with wide blown eyes.

"I thought you said they wouldn't be back before noon?" Rey spoke in a whisper, and Ben nodded.

"That's what they told me", Ben murmured back and looked at his alarm clock. It was fifteen past noon and Ben realised that maybe he could only blame himself for that one. 

"Fuuck.." Ben groaned under his breath. "Yea, I'm awake!" he called out, already hating himself. The last thing he wanted to be doing with his dick still inside Rey was have a conversation with his mother. 

"Daddy!" The other voice belonged to Annie, and Ben could hear running. 

"Oh fuck-", Ben had time to roll over and miraculously throw the covers over both of them before the door swung open. Ben turned on his side, hoping to block Rey mostly from view, but honestly it was a little pathetic. Rey laid flat, completely under the covers behind him but if you had working eyes it was painfully obvious that there was someone else in the bed. 

"Daddy are you sleepy?" Annie sprinted to his bedside. Ben was thankful that she came with the limitations of being only a bit over three feet tall and five. Her view of the bedroom was limited both physically not seeing over Ben’s shoulder when he was on his side, and not focusing on anything that wasn’t directly in sight. 

"Daddy's a little sick- you should go back to the living room. You don't want to catch it." Ben coughed into his fist, the blanket drawn up to his ears. 

"GRANDMA DADDY'S SICK!" 

"Sick?” he heard his mother exclaim and appear to the door. ”Why on earth didn't you call- oh." The mild concern on Leia's face vanished and she could see the setting. Ben was most definitely naked, there was absolutely someone hiding under the covers behind his back, he was blocking Annie's view of the bed and looking at Leia with pleading eyes. 

"Riight. Annie, your dad's right, we should go." 

Leia was about to quickly grab Annie when Han appeared to the door. 

"Ah yes, I know this one. Symptoms include excessive smiling, high levels of dopamine and, especially in irritable males, _non-pissyness_.” he said, leaning his shoulder against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. 

Everyone could hear the bark of laughter from under the bedspread, including Annie who was now reaching her neck to see. 

"Miss Johnson?" 

Ben cursed his luck that his daughter decided to actually recognise the voice. 

Rey slowly slid her head from under the blanket, leaving it up to her chin. Since she was still very much naked from the neck down. 

"Hi Annie", she gave her best attempt at a sweet smile, but it was more like a painful grimace. 

"Why are you here?" 

"Well-" Ben could almost feel how her eyes burned the back of his head, trying to reach into his mind and see what he wanted her to say. "Your dad was sick, so I came to help him get better." 

Ben looked at both Han and Leia like he would murder them if they did not play along. 

"Exactly. Miss Johnson is helping." he coughed in his fist again. 

"Won't Miss Johnson get sick as well?" 

"Oh no- this is a.. Boy sickness?” he said it like it was a question. 

"Is it the kind where you grow horns?" Annie tipped her head, eyes wide. 

"What..?" 

“Grandpa said to uncle Chewie that you get horny so I have to spend the weekends with them." 

Ben didn’t know what kind of expression he was making but he was sure it was the perfect image of one’s soul leaving their body.

“Annie, why don’t you go play in your room for a bit while we help daddy with his.. Ailment?” Leia said and patted the little girl on the shoulder. Ben was thankful, but he did not like the expression on Annie’s face. It was nowhere close to a smile, but more a confused frown. Ben saw how her eyes lingered and frowned before leaving. 

After they heard the door shut, Ben slumped on his back and groaned painfully, while Rey laughed her butt off. 

“Why didn’t you call that you were.. Still occupied?” Leia’s hands propped on her hips, and didn’t seem embarrassed in the slightest, even though Ben was hiding his face in his palms and wanted to sink through the floor. 

“We lost track of time, okay.” he said and sat up, making sure the covers stayed firmly over his lap, keeping his position modest enough. “Now can you go so I can put some goddamn pants on?”

Once the door closed, he slumped back to the mattress so hard he bounced a little. 

Rey got up, still laughing, scavenging the room for her scattered clothes. Despite everything, Ben’s eyes lingered on her backside when she pulled her panties up and it brought a smile to his face. 

“Are you planning on getting dressed?” she asked, and sat on the edge of the bed. 

“No, I think I’ll stay here until the sun burns out.” Ben said it completely seriously. He wasn’t sure if he ought to have been spiraling worse. Instead of the usual panic, he just felt the need to be still, like that would solve anything. 

“Do you think Annie believed you?”

“Not one bit. She looked at me like she does when she knows I’m lying. She’s like a bloodhound when it comes to liars.” Ben turned on his side, and pursed his lips around. He’d never had a woman around Annie, not in the sense that he had Rey around at least. “I don’t know what to tell her.. “

“Well..” Rey’s eyes lingered on the walls. “I checked with the school and they don’t have a rule that says teachers can’t date parents.” she offered the information casually. “You could consider telling her that daddy likes Miss Johnson very much and we wouldn’t have to sneak around like a couple of teenagers?” Rey sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her leggings back on. 

Ben was looking at her back. It was toned to an ideal point and what he wanted to do was brush his nose up the shape of her spine but all he could really think about was that back some day leaving and not only would he have to pick up the pieces of himself, he’d have to do that for Annie too. He already knew she liked her teacher as it was - he could only see the two of them getting closer and Annie’s heart shattering as much as his if one day this all came to a conclusion. 

There was no delicate way of putting that into words. 

“What if..” he tried to come up with the words to say what he feared without sounding like he thought they had an expiration day. Ben did in fact think to himself that if it was up to him, he’d make it work no matter what but things didn’t always go like that as much as he’d like them to. “If.. If this doesn’t last?” 

Rey’s head whipped around. She looked a little shocked at first, something Ben considered to be a good sign, and then it washed over with understanding. She must have figured out by now, that Annie was and would always be his first priority. 

“Then.. I promise to talk to her. To explain what’s happening, so I won’t just disappear.” she offered him a smile that wasn’t sunny, but it was sweet. Ben believed her. It would take away a lot of stress if they could stop sneaking around. Less stress for him was always the option he tended to go for.

“I’m not doubtful, Rey.” he pushed to sit up, leaning against his working hand. “I just have to protect her heart.”

“I understand.” she said and it was becoming increasingly hard to ignore that she had no form of garment covering her from the waist up. 

“So what do I tell her?” Ben’s lips tucked upwards and the hand he’d been leaning on wandered up her arm, stroking gently at her bicep. “Are you my girlfriend?” 

Rey laughed a bit and he saw color on her cheeks before she nodded. “Yes.” she bent closer until they were kissing, and maybe it was just his imagination but Ben was pretty sure her lips felt even better now than they had ten minutes ago, and that was pretty difficult to come by since they’d already been perfect. 

“I can’t wait to tell my friends that professor Solo is my boyfriend.” Rey smirked and pulled back. “They’re gonna tease the hell out of you.” 

“I don’t know what there’s to tease, I feel like I’m the one who scored higher here.” he felt a tingle in his stomach, which he wasn’t sure what it meant.

“You should meet them sometimes. You’ll love them.” Rey’s expression was pure wickedness. She poked his sternum, and then pointed to the door. “Now go get my bra.” 

Ben put on boxers and sweatpants, and the nearest t-shirt before scurrying to the living room. He could smell coffee, which was a blessing. His parents were standing in the kitchen when he went to the sofa and started to dig between the seat cushions for Rey’s bra, since it was there that it had gotten kindly removed by Ben himself. 

“Looking for this?” 

Ben had never pictured himself in a situation where his mother threw a simplistic black bra at his head, but there it was and he was surprisingly okay with it. 

“We figured it was better to take that before Annie found it.” she explained, and Ben was actually thankful for once. 

He expressed it by nodding and then just chucking the bra into the bedroom from the crack of the door. 

He walked to the kitchen and got a mug alongside an even bigger mug since Han and Leia had most apparently helped themselves to his cabinets. 

“So?” Han leaned his elbows on the kitchen island, his tone a fair deal more suggestive than Ben would have liked. He elected to ignore him for the time being. 

When he didn’t answer Han snickered, which made Ben think that maybe he should have answered something. Luckily he didn’t have to, because the bedroom door opened and Rey walked to the kitchen in leggings and a hoodie, her hair down and brushed. Ben couldn’t help the fond smile that briefly covered his face. She dressed nothing like she did while she was working, and somehow Ben really liked the casualness of it all. 

“Okay well- hi?” she said and Ben honestly didn’t believe that she was holding it together as well as she was. “I’m Rey.” 

“We know who you are.” Han answered and Ben got the urge to kick his father. “But since we’re introducing ourselves, I’m Han Solo.” he swept across the room to shake her hand. Ben watched the interaction with the corner of his eye while he poured coffee into the mugs he’d gathered. 

He wordlessly handed the smaller one to Rey, because she didn’t drink as much coffee as he did, though she was rivaling him in that front pretty strongly. 

“Thanks Ben”, she said and brought the cup to her lips. The room fell into an uncomfortable silence. 

After a few seconds Leia broke it by addressing what they were all thinking. 

“So how serious is this?” she looked between them. “Ben has been kind enough to be as silent as a wall so far, so why don’t you speak?” 

“We’re a couple.” Ben said sharply, almost too defensively taken that they’d made it official a good twelve minutes ago. 

“Oh”, Leia didn’t hide her surprise. After that she too shook Rey’s hand and it didn’t hold the hostility from before. “I’m glad. You seem like a woman with a good head on your shoulders.” 

“Thank you, I try.” Rey laughed and Ben began to relax. 

“What are you going to do about the kid?” Han leaned his elbows against the counter. 

Ben felt his chest grow heavy. He wanted to sigh, but he kept it in. 

“I’ll tell her.. somehow. I don’t want her getting ahead of herself.” Ben glanced through the living room to Annie’s bedroom door. The good thing was that she already liked Rey. He hoped it would be an easy transition, but honestly he had no clue how she might react. 

“Actually I think it’s good for her to have a mother-figure in her life.” Leia intervened, and Ben felt that heaviness in his chest drop like an anvil to his stomach. 

“Mom..” he said, not quite as sternly as he would have wanted to. For once Leia didn’t continue - maybe sensing that that was exactly the kind of talk that Ben didn’t want Annie hearing. Rey wasn’t going to be her mother, not now, maybe not ever. He wanted to be enough. In some sense he knew he was, but hearing Leia say something like that awoke a painful feeling deep inside him, telling him that she was right. 

  
  
  
  


Rey and his parents left soon after that, leaving Ben to deal with Annie. Rey had asked if he wanted her there, but Ben wanted to do this by himself, like he’d always done. It was difficult to admit but he felt really odd about having another person to depend on with Annie - as much as he liked Rey and wanted them to be together, he didn’t want anyone meddling with the relationship he’d built with his daughter. Not his parents. Not Rey. Not anyone. 

He knocked on her door before letting himself in. Annie was at her desk, drawing on a piece of print paper with a crayon. 

“Hi, Snickers.” he hung back at the door. The way that Annie pointedly didn’t look at him told him enough about the storm he was about to walk into. 

“What’re you doing?” he prompted, walking closer with his hands in his front pockets. 

“Drawing.” 

“Can I see?”

“It’s not done yet.” she murmured, reaching over to cover the image with her upper body. 

“Maybe we can hang it somewhere once it’s done.” Ben offered her a smile. Usually she would have been excited to have her art presented around the house. Now she just frowned at the paper. 

Ben sighed and sat on the floor, for the lack of a better place to sit on. 

“Are you mad at me?” he asked, even though the answer was clear. 

Annie grumbled under her breath. Ben couldn’t make out what it was. 

“What did you say?”

“You’re a liar!” her head twisted around, and her face was twisted with anger and sadness. “You’re not sick. You’re a big fat liar!” she screamed, bold tears rolling out of her eyes. Ben’s heart shattered, and his chin trembled. He knew she was right. 

“I’m sorry, Snickers. I didn’t know what to tell you.” he said quietly, swallowing down the lump that threatened to clog his throat. 

Annie’s nostrils were flaring, and she jumped up from her chair to wrap her tiny arms behind Ben’s neck, still seeking comfort from him no matter how upset she was at him. 

“I don’t want a mom.” 

“What?” Ben’s eyes blew wide. He wondered if she could have heard what they were talking about in the kitchen. 

“I don’t want a mom!” she screamed right under his ear.

“That’s not what’s happening. Not at all. Miss Johnson isn’t here to be your mom.” Ben rubbed a hand up and down her back. 

“Then why was she in your bed? Only moms and dads sleep together. Like grandma and grandpa, and like on TV..” Ben could feel the wet droplets on his shoulder as Annie kept on crying. 

“That’s not true. You sleep with me all the time. And with grandma too.” Ben tried to control the damage, but Annie had already made her mind. 

“It’s not the same.“ she murmured, unable to put to words how it wasn’t. Ben started to realise that his daughter was growing up. She might not have known what it meant, but somehow she still understood that what she saw was different.

Ben had no counter to that. She was right, there was no denying that. 

“I like Miss Johnson.” Ben felt really childish saying that, but he did anyway. “I have, for a while now. And- and that’s why she was here. Because she likes me too and we want to be together.” 

“Like her how?” Annie wiped her eyes, but pulled back enough to look at him. Her eyes were puffy and red, but Ben somehow had managed not to cry so far. 

“Like.. Romantically?” he tried if the word would sink. “Like her like I want to kiss her. And- be nice to her and make her really happy all the time.” 

“Do you love her?” behind all the sadness there was a teeny-tiny twinkle. 

Ben couldn’t believe he was doing this, but he nodded. Annie’s mouth blew wide. 

“Daddy!”

“It’s- it’s a secret, okay? We can’t tell her yet. She’ll get scared.” Ben nearly shouted. This was a mistake, Annie couldn’t hold anything in, that was the one thing she was dependable on. 

She nodded rapidly, all signs of heartbreak gone. He should have led with that - Annie had a soft spot for romance. She was in her Disney princess phase after all and if there was something she liked it was love. Ben wouldn't have counted on the accuracy of princess movie love but as long as Annie was happy with the idea then he wasn't going to complain. 

“But that doesn’t make her your mom. Okay? “ Ben made sure the message was clear. “She’s- she’s daddy’s girlfriend.”

Luckily Annie understood the concept of boyfriends and girlfriends. She sat in front of Ben with her legs crossed and looked at him like she was deep in thought. 

“What?” Ben let out a nervous laugh. 

“You’re old and gross.” 

No mercy there. 

“And Miss Johnson is so pretty and young.” Annie seemed to be doing some mental calculations. “So why does she like you?”

Ben could have laughed if he wasn’t still trying to process _old and gross_. 

“I have no idea.” he answered, honestly, laying back on the floor with his hands on his stomach. 

Annie crowded over his head, her hair falling as a curtain around both of them. 

“What will happen now?”

“Well.. She’ll be over more. And she might stay overnight.” Ben pondered, not really sure what truly would happen now that they didn’t have to hide anymore. 

“She looked different today than she does in school.”

“She has work clothes, just like I have. And- she might act a little different too. Adults have to do that sometimes when they work. It doesn’t mean that both aren’t the real her.” Ben explained, making Annie nod very seriously. 

“Like you act differently when you teach?”

Annie had followed Ben’s lectures her whole life. She knew he was more professional at work than he was at home. 

“Exactly, just like that.” he sat up and pet her head.

He felt a lot more sure about the situation now than he had before. Annie not wanting a mom had really turned the tables on him, but somehow that was also a relief. He didn’t have to fear that she’d get ahead of herself. Ben had a hard time believing it, and he wouldn’t dare to say it out loud but things might have finally started to run smoothly. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a comfort story for me. I mean it's an outlet for all the fluffy and stupid shit I have running in my brain. I started writing it like haha this is kinda cute and funny and now 14 chapters later I'm trying to find the maximum amount of bad jokes to put in a single chapter before someone tells me it's too much. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and stay safe! ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♥ I love reading and replying to comments ;)


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